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Jeff Kent on “Survivor” recap: “This game sucks”

Oct 26, 2012, 2:24 PM EDT

Survivor Smacked Me In The Chops

OK, so my weekly recap of Jeff Kent on “Survivor” is a day late since … well, there was this thing called the World Series on television last night. However, because I’m such a devoted blogger and at least three people like reading these recaps instead of actually having to watch the show I recorded it on DVR and watched it today …

– During the reward challenge Kent got into a brief disagreement with a player on the other tribe named Artis in which he laughed and said: “All right, relax.” I immediately imagined Kent saying that to Barry Bonds approximately 1,000 times per season in the Giants’ clubhouse.

– As part of the reward challenge Kent’s tribe receives letters from home and Kent gets choked up while reading his, saying: “I’ve got a pretty big family at home. Having your wife and kids write to you, after suffering through rain and no food and getting banged up, that’s pretty neat.”

– This week’s immunity challenge involves launching balls into the air and players having to fight over catching them with nets attached to sticks. Kent dominates the game early, making three straight catches to put his tribe within one point of winning, but then has the ball knocked out of his net on a potential game-winning catch. With the score tied Kent switches positions in order to match up with the other tribe’s top player, Malcolm, and then falls down tracking the ball as Malcolm catches it to win.

– Afterward Kent throws tribe-mate Carter under the bus (or truck, for you Kent-related jokesters), saying he was “out-muscled and out-maneuvered by Malcolm.” Apparently no one watched how the final point played out, because Kent doesn’t get called on it.

– Kent starts talking to Carter about who to vote out and says: “Katie is worthless. She can’t do anything in the challenges, she’s only gonna set us back.” However, he also thinks getting rid of Jonathan could be smart since he’s strong. “I think we need to pull a Penner punch,” Kent says, referring to Jonathan’s last name and making up a phrase that doesn’t mean anything even on a remote island situation created by a reality television show.

– Kent tells Carter that “we just gotta make sure Jonathan doesn’t know it’s coming, so he doesn’t use the idol” to protect himself from getting voted out. They all act toward Jonathan as if they’re only debating getting rid of the two women in the tribe.

– Kent has a monologue to the camera: “I’ve come into this game knowing I’m gonna have to lie, knowing I’m gonna have to jeopardize my integrity and character. I’m still weighing my options. All of them have to do with furthering myself in this game.”

– Kent then makes what has become a weekly forced baseball reference, saying: “You don’t know whether you’re gonna strike out or hit a home run, but you go up to the plate to swing the bat.” Or, you know, draw a walk, which Kent did 801 times in his career.

– During tribal council host Jeff Probst asks Kent if he’s ever played any kind of game with this type of strategy before, to which Kent replies: “This game sucks, Jeff.” (Side note: Imagine if you were watching it, instead of actually playing it!)

– Jonathan declines to play his hidden immunity idol, but Katie gets voted out anyway.

  1. edelmanfanclub - Oct 26, 2012 at 2:33 PM

    I saw this article title and laughed so loud that I was asked to leave class

  2. TheBlindUmp - Oct 26, 2012 at 3:14 PM

    Malcom shed Kent like a bad date! A little push and he was down! Malcom makes the catch and it’s game over. I will never be able to like him having gone from the Giants to the Dodgers, it’s unforgivable! I can’t wait for the blind side that gets him gone! It’s the only reason I watch the show!

  3. Francisco (FC) - Oct 26, 2012 at 3:15 PM

    I find these posts entertaining. Face it, even with zero comments you’d still be watching.

    • TheBlindUmp - Oct 26, 2012 at 4:15 PM

      I hate it that you’re right…

  4. jeffa43 - Oct 26, 2012 at 4:40 PM

    Have always had a love hate for Kent, never liked him but loved his swing.. Loved how he hated Bonds…

    Then he was picked up by my Stros… Walk off in game 5 LCS, and I shouted l love that piece o. s.

    Best Kent story ever… Stros no hit Yankees with 6 pitchers, and after the game Joe Torrey sent champagne to the Stros locker room. Well after the game was over, and celebration continued… Kent asked Bagwell quietly, what’s all the excitement about?

    I still have the newspaper that shows Kent on the field as Billy Wagner is getting congratulated, and Kent has a farside cartoon character look on his face with of no clue what’s happening.

    • stex52 - Oct 26, 2012 at 5:25 PM

      Ole Jeff is about 30 years late to be worrying about “jeapordizing his integrity and character.” I liked that one home run he hit to clinch the playoff game. Mainly otherwise I remember him waving at grounders as they rolled right by him and being a general POS around the clubhouse.

      I won’t be satisfied until Aaron talks about the “sudden death” competition that involves a real sudden death to we-know-who.

  5. anxovies - Oct 26, 2012 at 6:20 PM

    Having never watched Survivor except to briefly stop to examine some hottie in a skimpy bathing suit when I was flipping through channels I can only guess what Aaron is talking about, but it sounds like the same old Jeff Kent to me. It’s good that some things never change, I guess.

  6. jaysjunkie - Oct 26, 2012 at 8:00 PM

    I’m a big Survivor fan (no need to mock me, please) and think Kent has actually come across as quite decent on the show. I know his rep, and these shows notoriously edit things that make the “reality show” tag completely meaningless, but he’s been one of my favourite players this season.

    I hated seeing him traded from Toronto in his rookie season, but we got David Cone for him, which helped put us over the top and on the way to back-to-back championships.

  7. bhekumuzimguni - Oct 27, 2012 at 1:42 PM

    Reblogged this on Bhekumuzi Mguni.

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