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“I am the only rabbi in the world with the ability to manage in the majors”

Nov 13, 2012, 11:03 AM EDT

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The Blue Jays still don’t have a manager. Zev Icyk, who is studying at the Rabbinical College of America, has sent in an application. Bob Elliott of the Toronto Sun has the story:

“I have drive, motivation, experience and personality to take the Jays where Alex Anthopoulos wants them to go,” an e-mail titled ‘The Jays’ vacant manager position’ read.

“The Jays would be the most aggressive and exciting team in the bigs. I am the only rabbi in the world with the ability to manage in the majors.”

His qualifications, apart from pluck and desire, include (a) hailing from a Toronto suburb; and (b) throwing a no-hitter when he was in junior college in Iowa. He makes another good point too:

“One thing for sure, if a Chabad rabbi is the manager, the Jays will be the most hyped team in 2013.  The hype paired with the young talent-filled roster that the Jays already have could be something very special. What do they have to lose?”

I’ll admit to some skepticism, but ask yourself: would you be more interested in the Jays if they hired this guy or if they hired some retread like Jim Tracy or Don Wakamatsu?

  1. dianagram - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    First problem …. up to 2/7ths of their schedule occurs on the Sabbath.

    • Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:13 AM

      Not a problem. Play your Friday games in the daytime and your Saturday games and night. And you can leave the fried chicken in the shabbos stove on Friday night so it’ll be warm for Saturday evening.

      Best of all, you can petition for a responsa on whether closing the roof of the Rogers on Saturday constitutes sunset. You can definitely get some of the guys from Hebrew Union College to go for that.

      • dianagram - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:22 AM

        Closing the roof during the Sabbath would constitute work, and use of non-manual labor (pushing a button to control electronics) also.

      • Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:24 AM

        Set it into the computer on Friday morning. Voila! It’s like non-dairy creamer.

      • koufaxmitzvah - Nov 13, 2012 at 2:00 PM

        Employ a Shabbos goy. He just has to do things instinctively and say, “Oooops,” every once in a while.

    • pjmarn6 - Nov 15, 2012 at 10:31 AM

      I’m sure the pope would give him dispensation on all these issues.

  2. Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:11 AM

    I’m all for this. He could take the whole team over to Caplansky’s for Passover dinner after a day game, too. No, smoked meat and cabbage borscht isn’t traditional seder fare in the lower 48, but neither is davening for a rally in the dugout when everyone else just wears their yarmulkes backwards. I say go for it.

    • cur68 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:39 PM

      Hey. What in THE HELL is going ’round here? I take a sick day and the religious show up to try for my boys? WTF? No Beaver Rabbi Managers! Mais non! I forbid it. There should be a clear and distinct separation between Church and Baseball. I’m sure that’s in Bull Durham somewhere. Jeez.

      • stex52 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:52 PM

        Missed you Cur. Hope you are a lot better. Let the Orthodox Beaver jokes begin!!

      • indaburg - Nov 13, 2012 at 1:44 PM

        You’re alive! I was about to call the Mounties to go check in on you.

      • cur68 - Nov 13, 2012 at 2:29 PM

        I live, though barely. No uncontrollable rage or cravings for brains, so not turning into a zombie. I hope. I am a phlegm phactory though. Bleh.

  3. zzalapski - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:12 AM

    His resume would be stronger if he had coaching experience at Yeshiva University.

    • @NorthYorkJays - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:24 AM

      As a former player on the YU Mac baseball team, trust me when I say it wouldn’t.

      • sdelmonte - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:43 AM

        What year were you there? I graduated ’89.

    • sdelmonte - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:25 AM

      No, it wouldn’t. My alma mater has no baseball tradition to speak of. We didn’t even have a baseball field, alas.

      Our basketball team was respectable, though. And we had some really tough wrestlers.

      • @NorthYorkJays - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:27 AM

        Hey, be nice. We went 4-27 one year! Epic victories vs. John Jay, City College, Polytechnic, and St. Joseph’s.

      • sdelmonte - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:29 AM

        Given that my elementary school basketball team went winless for three years, I guess 4-27 isn’t bad.

  4. lyon810 - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:16 AM

    At quick read, i read “retread like Jim Tracy” as “retard like Jim Tracy”

  5. tdotbronco - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:22 AM

    Hired the man!!!!

  6. proudlycanadian - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:25 AM

    Elliott is having fun writing about non candidates for the job. It gives him something to do in the silly season.

  7. chill1184 - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:26 AM

    Well The Sun is right, what do they really have to lose? I saw go for it

    • proudlycanadian - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:40 AM

      Hiring one of the Toronto Sun’s “Sunshine Girls” to manage would get a rise out of the players and might just attract some Free Agents. Think of the possibilities of having a Sunshine Girl coaching at First Base. That would certainly distract the opposing pitcher.

      • chill1184 - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:54 AM

        Unorthadox baseball managing you say? Sounds intriguing

      • roverkarlthecannedham - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:59 AM

        I could coach first. A ham’s powers of distraction are legendary.

      • stex52 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:00 PM

        UnOrthodox managing by a rabbi? Har Har Har……………………….

      • Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:03 PM

        You could get a Reconstructionist rabbit. I mean, the Jays are in the midst of a rebuilding program, aren’t they?

      • proudlycanadian - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:12 PM

        The previous Jay’s President was Jewish; however, he was better as a politician than as a team builder. He was also a former President of the Toronto Sun. Not sure if he personally selected the Sunshine Girls. He was a big baseball fan, but knew little about running a team.

      • Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:04 PM

        Rabbi.

        Edit function!
        Edit function!
        EDIT FUNCTION!

      • stex52 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:10 PM

        I knew if we had enough comments autocheck would turn at least one of them into “rabbit.”

        You win the prize, OG.

      • Francisco (FC) - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:18 PM

        No, no, no, this is a case where your post is better WITHOUT an edit. The Jays need a rabbit to manage them! Call Bugs Bunny!

      • indaburg - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:18 PM

        I am going on the record against an edit function. Reconstructionist rabbi? Eh. Reconstructionist rabbit is awesome.

      • proudlycanadian - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:23 PM

        I am waiting for “The Rabbit” to make one of her infrequent posts.

  8. indaburg - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:36 AM

    While I admire his pluck and moxie, surely, there has to be another rabbi qualified to manage the Blue Jays.

    • roverkarlthecannedham - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:00 PM

      I am made of Pluck and I ooze moxie. Vote for me for for manager.

      • indaburg - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:09 PM

        That would be meshugana.

      • roverkarlthecannedham - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:15 PM

        חזיר הוא לא רק חזיר. לפעמים זה חזיר מאוד מוכשר, גם

      • historiophiliac - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:23 PM

        Hey, ham, just sit in the corner and feel self-consciously Protestant like me. It’s cool.

      • stex52 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:30 PM

        You realize, phil, that with a couple of obvious exceptions here, almost none of the people posting is actually Jewish.

        We are all just trying to show off how much we know.

      • roverkarlthecannedham - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:32 PM

        This is true of me Mr Stex. I am a ham. Hamming is what I do.

      • indaburg - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:34 PM

        God bless the pig. It gives us bacon.

      • nolanwiffle - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:51 PM

        …….not willingly, they don’t!

      • roverkarlthecannedham - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:53 PM

        Why thank you, Miss Indaburg. I am indeed blessed already. My salty skin oozes nutrition. My pink jellylike countenance is a visage of sage equanimity. I have achieved much in my life. I have even been licked by Stephen Colbert. I suspect that damn few can claim that. I can Manage This Team. Make it so, powers that be. Make it so and let a ham do for you more than any other ham has done before.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:57 PM

        Yeah, Tex, I figured. I’m just enjoying the show. Y’all are cracking me up! Shooting them off faster than I could refresh there for a bit. (plus, googling is slowing me doooowwwn.)

      • historiophiliac - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:58 PM

        P.S. I’m anti-bacon…and shellfish.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 13, 2012 at 1:20 PM

        Oh, wait. Canadian bacon. Tooootally different. And awesome.

      • indaburg - Nov 13, 2012 at 1:30 PM

        Anti-bacon? Is that even possible? During my misguided experimentation with vegetarianism (a rite of passage for all female liberals), bacon and baby back ribs were the meats I truly craved.

        Canadian bacon is fine, but on a cold winter’s morning nothing is better than waking to the smell of a slab of real bacon crackling on the stove. The aroma and taste is intoxicating. I can almost smell it now.

      • roverkarlthecannedham - Nov 13, 2012 at 1:32 PM

        You people frighten me. Your lust for my flesh is unnerving. Leave me alone

      • koufaxmitzvah - Nov 13, 2012 at 2:05 PM

        Does anybody use Bac-Os anymore? All the MSG fit for a headache.

  9. dianagram - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:37 AM

    Jays would be first team to have a mezuzah of doorway of locker room?

  10. stex52 - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:46 AM

    We keep saying that managers don’t do much but manage the bullpens and the intangibles. Who better for intangibles than a rabbi?

    Somewhere in that Torah I feel sure it says that home runs are a Mitzvah.

    • Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:06 PM

      And somewhere in the recent MLCBA it says that chicken soup is a performance-enhancing drug. I guess they saw this coming.

    • crisisjunky - Nov 13, 2012 at 1:26 PM

      Actually, the Mizvah would be the hanging slider.
      Hitting the homer would constitute proper pronunciation during the Aliyah.

  11. ningenito78 - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:47 AM

    would you be more interested in the Jays if they hired this guy or if they hired some retread like Jim Tracy or Don Wakamatsu?

    Had to reread that. I thought it said retard not retread. Which was really funny when I read it the first time.

  12. kiwicricket - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:57 AM

    If we don’t reward pluck and determination with a MLB managers gig, what sort of animal society are we living in?
    Would breathe new life into the ‘a Priest a Rabbi and Joe West walk into a bar’ jokes….

  13. roverkarlthecannedham - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:57 AM

    I was not allowed into Rabbinical school. They said I was all wrong. I will send a letter asking for this job. But I hate the cold. I hope I do not get it. If I do get it I will not serve. I just want to be allowed in. Out of the cold.

  14. mississippimusicman - Nov 13, 2012 at 11:58 AM

    Would they have to build an Eruv around the stadium?

    • Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:08 PM

      Nope, but they’d probably have to run one up to College Street so they could cater in from Caplansky’s. No way they run it as far as Eglinton and Avenue Road so they can cater in from Yitz’s.

      • @NorthYorkJays - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:10 PM

        I’m fairly certain if you care enough about an eruv that you aren’t eating the treife chazer that’s served as those establishments.

      • Old Gator - Nov 14, 2012 at 10:36 AM

        I don’t keep kashruth myself – I believe that the Buddha gave us lobsters to love and I view Sukkot as the gateway to stone crab season. I also believe that archaeologists of the future will know they’re digging up a Jewish neighborhood when they start finding lots of little wire handles from Chinese take-out containers in the middens.

        I just thought the eruv could be electrified to make it possible to run a direct streetcar route from Caplansky’s to the Rogers.

    • number42is1 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:08 PM

      nope.
      1) its private property and does not have more than 600,00 people on a daily basis
      2) its enclosed so it count as an Eruv

  15. number42is1 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:00 PM

    I fully support this as long as he puts a בס”ד on top of his lineup card

  16. michiganhockey11 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:02 PM

    Could they get Mel Brooks to be the 3rd base coach?

    • Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:10 PM

      I see Billy Crystal at third. You want a savvy baseball guy there. You have Mel Brooks for a bench coach, keeping the guys loose.

      • kiwicricket - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:18 PM

        Seinfeld is 1B coach.

      • michiganhockey11 - Nov 13, 2012 at 1:02 PM

        Instead of free prostate exams for tickets (on men’s health night), they could offer circumcisions…..rotf.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 13, 2012 at 1:12 PM

        So, Jon Stewart is….the bat boy?

  17. historiophiliac - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:02 PM

    Totally looking forward to bobblehead night then — I figure it will be really awesome or so, so, so bad.

    • Old Gator - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:12 PM

      Oy! Bobbleheads davening. Aw, come on now – how do you spell p-e-r-f-e-c-t?

      • @NorthYorkJays - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:14 PM

        B-a-s-h-e-r-t.

    • indaburg - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:14 PM

      Or it will be awesome because it’s so, so, so bad: http://www.rabbibobblehead.com/details.html
      (I love that there is a web site for this already.)

      • roverkarlthecannedham - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:19 PM

        Do you know, it appears that they will do one of whatever you ask of them. How quaint. I will be asking for my likeness. He shall sit on my desk and advise me on my daily affairs.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:19 PM

        Can you imagine a bird or maple leaf on that????

        Also, trying to imagine Yunel Escobar’s new eye-black…

      • proudlycanadian - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:27 PM

        Great link indaberg!

  18. kevinbnyc - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:41 PM

    Not to mention three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax.

    • number42is1 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:52 PM

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANND comment of the day!

    • stex52 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:55 PM

      Sandy Koufax, the antidote to any Jewish baseball joke. Loved to watch that man pitch.

  19. number42is1 - Nov 13, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    So I am guess he is Shomer fuc*king Shabbas, right?

    • Old Gator - Nov 14, 2012 at 10:37 AM

      Lebowski reference! Ten pins down!

  20. dianagram - Nov 13, 2012 at 1:28 PM

    If this young man gets the job and someone in the org. sets him up to fail, the movie will undoubtedly be titled “Who Framed Rogers’ Rabbi?”

    • Old Gator - Nov 14, 2012 at 10:38 AM

      Go to your room.

  21. crisisjunky - Nov 13, 2012 at 3:21 PM

    ” I found my perfect match on ‘Jay-Date’.

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