1. Randy Miller – South Jersey Courier-Post (abuses BBWAA privileges, HOF vote by submitting blank ballots; also invented superhero Saberboy, which is cool)
2. Luke Scott – Perennial all-star douchenozzle. Luke says, “you don’t have to worry about me unless you’re a criminal or communist.”
3. Ryan Braun – For cheating and also for not cheating, either way we will likely never know the truth, and that is annoying.
4. Jon Heyman – CBS (for having a documented history of talking up and selling Scott Boras clients to ball clubs)
5. Nick Swisher – Seriously, do I need a reason?
6. C.J. Wilson – Tweeted Napoli’s cell number as “prank” b/c Napoli said he was looking forward to hitting HRs off of him this season.
7. Matt Bush – DUI and for ruining his career
8. Joba Chamberlain – for thinking he is capable of using a trampoline with his fat toady ass
[Joba’s addition was rescinded given how unlucky the poor bastard was and he was just trying to be a good dad.]
8. Bobby Jenks – DUI (influence mainly muscle relaxers…), amazing quote “When Deputy Sutphin asked Jenks if he had taken anything else other than the muscle relaxers, he told the officer that he “was going to be honest with you, I was just leaving Babes because I hit a car. I just had to get out of there.””
9. Delmon Young – Assault; anti-Semitism; generally just a D-to-the-nozz all around.
10. Pedro Gomez – BBWAA voter with no sense.
11. Cole Hamels – For beaning Harper for being 19 and talented.
12. Rob Dibble – Because he shoulda never left this list as the inaugural douchenozzle.
13. Bud Selig – Repeatedly suggests, nay insists, that no one wants more instant replay in baseball.
14. Hawk Harrelson – Homerism reaches new bounds by repeatedly calling out umps for hurting the “good guys” with “bad” calls.
15. Bobby Valentine – Per Alex K, “Bobby V. isn’t on the list yet? He said a coach taking time off to tend to his sick kid was ‘on vacation.’ Total nozzle statement, bro.”
16. Yunel Escobar – Wore “TU ERE MARICON” eye-black like a douchenozzle would do.
17. Roger Goodell – The totalitarian regime of which is the NFL, headed by the iron fist of Goodell, is so powerful that the douchiness of their league temporarily penetrated the MLB blogosphere, hence the NFL-related DN addition.
18. Jamie McCourt – For trying to add on to her $131 million settlement with Frank b/c the Dodgers sold for more than she thought they would ($2 billion). Mainly though, for simply being in the news again this year, qualifying Ms. McCourt for this DN list.
19. The Offseason – No baseball. Seriously, the offseason is such a dick.
20. Francisco Rodriguez – For cheating then beating his lady…allegedly.
21. Curt Schilling – For being a terrible and unrepentant businessman.
22. Jeff “Scrooge” McLoria – Totally manhandling the city of Miami and its new team and just not givin’ a mothaf@ck about anything but cash in his wallet.
23. The Marlins Front Office – See #22 and note he isn’t the only proverbial douchenozzle pea in the douchenozzle pod.
24. ESPN – Worst “Top 100” list of all time. Period. Also, why won’t they shut the f@ck up about Tebow? Even when their own boss says to shut up about Tebow, they won’t shut up about Tebow. Tebow is irrelevant so why is Tebow mentioned four times on my baseball DN list?
25. Andruw Jones – Allegedly beat his girl up and dragged her down some stairs. Also, for losing that wonderful cherubic grin in his mugshot that he had his entire career.

1. Android
2. Teen hooker

Or maybe I’m just getting old.