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Did I do something wrong? Because I really don’t understand this at all

Jan 9, 2013, 2:33 PM EDT

Hi, I’m Mike Piazza.*


Do you remember me?  Normally I wouldn’t ask that because I seem to remember being quite famous a few years ago, but it seems like several hundred people whose business it was to follow my career have forgotten me, and I just don’t know how to deal with that.  I mean, I know there were better players than me, but I hit .308/.377/.545 for my career with 427 homers in 16 seasons. My career OPS+ was 143. The next three catchers on that list whose careers have already ended are Mickey Cochrane, Bill Dickey and Johnny Bench, and they’re way behind. I played in the World Series. Everyone said when I played that I was heading to the Hall of Fame.

But today I got just 57.8% of the vote, and at the risk of sounding arrogant, I think that’s kinda light, don’t you?

It’s almost as if someone is holding something against me and my Hall of Fame candidacy apart from what I did on the field.  I know that’s possible! It happens to a lot of players these days. But (again, sorry for being narcissistic) I Googled myself and I couldn’t find a single article written which presents any facts which would reasonably lead someone to withhold their vote. I wasn’t named on any lists or outed in anyone’s book. There’s just … nothing.

It’s almost as if 42.8% of the Hall of Fame electorate has been talking about me behind my back, too cowardly to come out and accuse me of something, yet holding that something against me all the same. I’m just a simple man from Pennsylvania and I don’t necessarily understand how everything in the world works, but that strikes me as kinda wrong.

Sorry if that’s rude, but it beats the other explanation I have in mind: that 42.8% of the BBWAA are blithering idiots and wouldn’t know a Hall of Fame catcher if Carlton Fisk fell out of the sky, landed on their face and started to wiggle.

Thanks for your time.

*At least we here are assuming this was Mike Piazza. We heard this voice with a distinct Pennsylvania accent saying these words in our head moments after the Hall of Fame results were announced and felt duty-bound to put to pen to paper in order to preserve them for posterity.

  1. seangroark - Jan 9, 2013 at 4:35 PM

    Hey Piazza, you sucked at catching, and you obviously suck at google. just type in “Mike Piazza s” and Mike Piazza steroids will immediately pop up. a trip to the steroid era blog will reveal this passage from jeff pearlman’s book on Roger Clemens

    As the hundreds of major league ballplayers who turned to performance-enhancing drugs throughout the 1990s did their absolute best to keep the media at arm’s length, Piazza took the opposite approach. According to several sources, when the subject of performance enhancing was broached with reporters he especially trusted, Piazza fessed up. “Sure, I use,” he told one. “But in limited doses, and not all that often.” (Piazza has denied using performance-enhancing drugs, but there has always been speculation.) Whether or not it was Piazza’s intent, the tactic was brilliant: By letting the media know, of the record, Piazza made the information that much harder to report. Writers saw his bulging muscles, his acne-covered back. They certainly heard the under-the-breath comments from other major league players, some who considered Piazza’s success to be 100 percent chemically delivered.

    • hockeyflow33 - Jan 9, 2013 at 5:58 PM

      You can type in lots of stuff on google and you’ll come up with funny stuff, not really sure this proves anything

      • protius - Jan 9, 2013 at 6:13 PM

        It must be true. I typed in seangroark and immediately 2345 pages of sanctimonious douche nozzle popped up.

        Thanks for the tip.

      • seangroark - Jan 9, 2013 at 8:06 PM

        maybe you missed this part of the story:

        I Googled myself and I couldn’t find a single article written which presents any facts which would reasonably lead someone to withhold their vote. I wasn’t named on any lists or outed in anyone’s book. There’s just … nothing.

        linked to an article about a list outing him in a book

      • hockeyflow33 - Jan 10, 2013 at 1:31 AM

        So because google auto-fill states something it must be true? Great logic.

    • PHILLYPHanalysis - Jan 10, 2013 at 8:08 AM

      A certain safe auto insurance commercial comes to mind…

      “That’s my date, I met him on the Internet. He’s a French model (looks like a velociraptor).”

      The bottom line is, there isn’t a single FACT. What’s that saying about ASSuming?

  2. 4letterman - Jan 9, 2013 at 7:00 PM

    First we should campaign to have you in the Mets HOF, thats an even bigger travesty!!!!!!

  3. Brian of SummaeStudios - Jan 9, 2013 at 7:49 PM

    Using the headline to link to this article “A letter from Mike Piazza on HOF snub” is cheesy, unprofessional and unethical, not to mention not including an actual byline anywhere.

  4. yankeeket - Jan 9, 2013 at 9:56 PM

    Doesn’t he know you have to have milestone like 3 World Series or 3000 hits to get in? Must be the juice and the wooden remnants of a shattered bat thrown by accused ped user dulling his sense of reason! Re-count the vote. Maybe a hanging Chad?

  5. mrbaseball2013 - Jan 9, 2013 at 10:17 PM

    Mike, Steroids are a NO-NO!!!!!

  6. namriverrat69 - Jan 10, 2013 at 3:08 AM

    And here I thought he was being discriminated against because ignorant people think he is gay.

  7. JB (the original) - Jan 10, 2013 at 7:19 AM

    That piece sounds like it was ghost written for him by “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer”.

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