Jan 9, 2013, 2:33 PM EST
Hi, I’m Mike Piazza.*
Do you remember me? Normally I wouldn’t ask that because I seem to remember being quite famous a few years ago, but it seems like several hundred people whose business it was to follow my career have forgotten me, and I just don’t know how to deal with that. I mean, I know there were better players than me, but I hit .308/.377/.545 for my career with 427 homers in 16 seasons. My career OPS+ was 143. The next three catchers on that list whose careers have already ended are Mickey Cochrane, Bill Dickey and Johnny Bench, and they’re way behind. I played in the World Series. Everyone said when I played that I was heading to the Hall of Fame.
But today I got just 57.8% of the vote, and at the risk of sounding arrogant, I think that’s kinda light, don’t you?
It’s almost as if someone is holding something against me and my Hall of Fame candidacy apart from what I did on the field. I know that’s possible! It happens to a lot of players these days. But (again, sorry for being narcissistic) I Googled myself and I couldn’t find a single article written which presents any facts which would reasonably lead someone to withhold their vote. I wasn’t named on any lists or outed in anyone’s book. There’s just … nothing.
It’s almost as if 42.8% of the Hall of Fame electorate has been talking about me behind my back, too cowardly to come out and accuse me of something, yet holding that something against me all the same. I’m just a simple man from Pennsylvania and I don’t necessarily understand how everything in the world works, but that strikes me as kinda wrong.
Sorry if that’s rude, but it beats the other explanation I have in mind: that 42.8% of the BBWAA are blithering idiots and wouldn’t know a Hall of Fame catcher if Carlton Fisk fell out of the sky, landed on their face and started to wiggle.
Thanks for your time.
*At least we here are assuming this was Mike Piazza. We heard this voice with a distinct Pennsylvania accent saying these words in our head moments after the Hall of Fame results were announced and felt duty-bound to put to pen to paper in order to preserve them for posterity.
Jan 29, 2015, 10:50 PM EST
High-spending teams like the Yankees and Red Sox are among the favorites to sign Cuban infielder Yoan Moncada, but the Rays are also interested even if it’s fair to call them a long shot.
Jan 29, 2015, 9:21 PM EST
Beachy is currently 10 months removed from the second Tommy John surgery of his career.
Jan 29, 2015, 8:02 PM EST
Cotts compiled a 2.84 ERA in 131 appearances with the Rangers over the past two seasons.
Jan 29, 2015, 7:04 PM EST
Billingsley hasn’t pitched in the majors since undergoing Tommy John surgery in April of 2013.
Jan 29, 2015, 6:45 PM EST
Add another name to the list of fifth starter candidates for the Braves.
Jan 29, 2015, 5:42 PM EST
Nava requested $2.25 million and the Red Sox countered at $1.3 million.
Jan 29, 2015, 3:30 PM EST
I guess it’s better than snakes. Or wasps.
Jan 29, 2015, 3:15 PM EST
Santiago spent last season with the Reds, hitting .246 with a .667 OPS in 75 games.
Jan 29, 2015, 2:31 PM EST
Belisario was awful for the White Sox last season, allowing 46 runs in 66 innings.
Jan 29, 2015, 2:04 PM EST
This is funny. But also insightful.
Jan 29, 2015, 1:00 PM EST
Does this man look like he’d be a friend of a guy like Pete Carroll? Welp, he is.
Jan 29, 2015, 12:45 PM EST
He’ll work with union chief Tony Clark.
Jan 29, 2015, 12:30 PM EST
We can, from now and forever, refer to Werth as the “The Nationals’ ex-con right fielder.”
Jan 29, 2015, 11:30 AM EST
Brad Pitt was too young to portray him, though. Maybe Kevin Kline could’ve?
Jan 29, 2015, 11:22 AM EST
Good luck, Devin.
Jan 29, 2015, 10:39 AM EST
Kris Bryant of the Cubs tops the list.
Jan 29, 2015, 10:15 AM EST
Francisco Rodriguez? Rafael Soriano?
Jan 29, 2015, 10:01 AM EST
He’s gonna get big pushback from the LOOGY union, but is the idea a good one?
Jan 29, 2015, 9:09 AM EST
Baseball should never fear innovation. But not all new rules are, by definition, innovation.
Jan 29, 2015, 7:58 AM EST
A glimpse into the future, you guys.
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- Keith Law’s top 100 prospects list is out 37
- Great Moments in Media Arrogance: Marshawn Lynch edition 166
- Nationals sign former Blue Jays closer Casey Janssen 11
- Ichiro Suzuki’s deal with the Marlins is worth $2 million 34
- Orioles acquire outfielder Travis Snider from Pirates 37
- Not so fast on the Bud Selig Hall of Fame talk 50
- Blue Jays sign president and CEO Paul Beeston to extension through 2015 26
- Great Moments in Media Arrogance: Marshawn Lynch edition (166)
- Rob Manfred, new Major League Baseball commissioner, suggests ban on defensive shifts (118)
- Why “Deflategate” would never happen in baseball (96)
- The Yankees are going to try to get out of paying A-Rod his contract incentives (83)
- The 2015 Braves have “gravitas” and “veteran leadership” and will have dirty uniforms. Just kill me now. (76)