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Behold, the most Scott Boras quote of all time

Jan 11, 2013, 1:52 PM EDT

steak

Agent Scott Boras, talking to Jerry Crasnick of ESPN.com about representing the three free agents with draft pick compensation attached who remained unsigned in Kyle Lohse, Rafael Soriano, and Michael Bourn:

People call me all the time and say, “Man, your players aren’t signed yet.” Well, it doesn’t really matter what time dinner is when you’re the steak.

That’s a pretty great quote–I imagine a Gordon Gekko-like character saying it from behind a huge desk in a movie–but the notion that Kyle Lohse is “the steak” at this point is obviously laughable.

I won’t be surprised if Bourn finds a big multi-year deal, but Soriano finding a decent landing spot is looking very iffy and Lohse himself has talked publicly about his disappointment in how things have gone this offseason, with reports last week suggesting that he’s yet to even receive a single offer.

  1. danaking - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:00 PM

    Or, in Boras’s case, it doesn’t matter what time the workmen get there when you’re the tool.

    • tfbuckfutter - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:03 PM

      Or when the woman had sex if you’re the douchebag.

      • moogro - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:14 PM

        What IS a douchebag? Is it pre or post douche? Why would there by a post bag? What’s in it, vinegar and water or something else? I’ve never seen one.

      • tfbuckfutter - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:26 PM

        I was going to Google Image search it for you, but I got nothing but pictures of Scott Boras.

        I believe it is like a colostomy bag and it used to squirt whatever you choose up in there…..I personally would choose Strawberry Crush, but that’s just my preference.

      • humanexcrement - Jan 12, 2013 at 10:38 AM

        Go read “The World According to Garp.”

  2. proudlycanadian - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:01 PM

    Wouldn’t be surprised if the Rangers step up and sign 2 if not all 3, once the salary demands decline. The Rangers have a fine farm system and could afford to lose the draft picks.

  3. seeinred87 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    It does if you have to give up your firstborn to eat it.

    • albertmn - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:16 PM

      But, then you are looking at it from the person’s view not the steak’s. This loses Boras’ obtuse point.

  4. zzalapski - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:03 PM

    I’m going to use the hell out of Boras’ quote whenever I show up late to appointments (job interviews, tax audits, meetings with a parole office, etc).

    • zzalapski - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:04 PM

      *officer

    • historiophiliac - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:40 PM

      If you are meeting with a parole officer, I’m thinking you’re not the steak. You’re the Hamburglar.

      (Sorry. Couldn’t resist.)

      • bigdicktater - Jan 11, 2013 at 6:35 PM

        That’s one of the funniest comments ever on this site. I guess the thumbs-down squad got caught too!

  5. dondada10 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:03 PM

    Jeez that t-bone looks good.

    • flosox - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:15 PM

      Tee’d up…

      You can get a good look at a t-bone by sticking your head up a butchers ass…no wait…its gotta be your bull.

    • indaburg - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:45 PM

      That’s no t-bone. That’s a porterhouse–look at the size of that loin. Dayum, it looks good.

  6. crispybasil - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:03 PM

    So Boras exclusively eats at Steak and Shake?

  7. uyf1950 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:08 PM

    There are all types of cuts of meat (steak). Some more desirable than others. Most steaks dry out if they sit out to long. It looks like that’s what’s happening to Boras’s steaks,

    • indaburg - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:50 PM

      While I dislike Boras’ tactics as much as anyone, your analogy falls apart a little when you consider that a properly aged steak, prior to cooking, is delicious. I am thinking way too much about beef right now.

  8. Caught Looking - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:12 PM

    It matters if you’re having the chicken or fish for dinner.

    • startedin67 - Jan 11, 2013 at 4:03 PM

      Oh yeah, I remember…I had the lasagna.

      • churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Jan 11, 2013 at 5:44 PM

        Surely you can’t be serious?

  9. kyzslew77 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:18 PM

    Lohse is this year’s Edwin Jackson, will sign a reasonable 1 year deal late in the process and make whatever team signs him look pretty smart. Nats definitely got their money’s worth on EJax.

    • uyf1950 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:26 PM

      The trouble with that is Lohse is 34 years old whereas Jackson was 28 when he took his 1 year deal last year. If Lohse takes a 1 year deal this year he will be 35 next year when he hits FA again. And probably even more unlikely then to get a deal for any more then 2 years and that’s if things break his way. Especially if he has a decent year in 2013 on a 1 year deal. He would probably be offered a qualifying offer again next year.
      Just my opinion but I think he’s going to have to settle for a 2 year deal this year for probably $20MM total. Or at least in that neighborhood.

      • albertmn - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:18 PM

        Well, if he signs for one year and someone slaps the qualifying offer on him next year, take it!

  10. mattyflex - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:28 PM

    Forgive me for being naive, but what happens to Kyle Loshe if no one is willing to sign him due to the draft pick compensation?

    • mattyflex - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:35 PM

      Never mind, I found the answer within another post. If anyone else failed to read it like me, after the draft takes place all of the compensation picks are dropped.

      • uyf1950 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:46 PM

        The trouble with Lohse waiting that long is the draft doesn’t take place until about the 1st or 2nd week of June. Effectively that means Lohse wouldn’t be ready to pitch for some team until after the All Star break. Even assuming he hasn’t lost anything due to the prolonged time off a team isn’t going to pay him that much for basically a half season. Just my opinion.

    • uyf1950 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:40 PM

      Well he does have a couple of options.
      1) He can retire.
      2) He can sign a “minor” league deal. In which case the team signing him doesn’t lose a draft pick. But I think MLB would be very suspicious of say a $12MM minor league deal. And probably would NOT approve it.
      3) He can lower his contract demands so he would be more appealing to a team to sign him that has to give up a draft pick.

      • cackalackyank - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:33 PM

        Just curious, as far as option 2 goes…if the minor league deal was for say 800k guaranteed with lets say 8 mil bonus for making it to the bigs…would/could that sneak through approval?

      • uyf1950 - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:48 PM

        cackalackyank, I would say no. But I could very well be wrong. I’m tempted to say if the team/owner doing that was one of Selig’s “favorites” if may very well let it go. But I think that sort of deal goes against the spirit if not the letter of what the intent of signing a player is meant to be.

    • flosox - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:41 PM

      He collects unemployment

  11. historiophiliac - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:36 PM

    Lohse is really killing his potential by talking too much in public. I’m pretty sure behind the scenes Boras is telling him to shut up.

  12. kelshannon19 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:41 PM

    Astros should sign Lohse to a one year deal and use him as trade bait come mid season. Total Luhnow move.

    • jrbdmb - Jan 14, 2013 at 6:19 PM

      Unless they can trade him for a #1 pick, they come out losers in that deal. No thanks.

  13. uyf1950 - Jan 11, 2013 at 2:48 PM

    Just my opinion but it looks right now like Lohse is stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

  14. kingjoe1 - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:07 PM

    I feel for Bourn, but Lohse and certainly Soriano simply are stuck because they got greedy. Soriano and Lohse both gave up over 13 million for a single year that was stupid. Bourn at least was a end of regular deal, looking for the one big payday. I have a feeling the MLBPA is going to be throwing fits next time players agreement rolls around, and insist on lessening the draft pick compensation.

    • spudchukar - Jan 11, 2013 at 4:27 PM

      Sorry King, but this is an uninformed opinion. Lohse was told by the Cards that they were not interested in resigning him. They exercised their option in order to secure a draft choice for Lohse. It wasn’t greed on his part just a guy looking for a deserving three year deal to close out his career.

      • jrbdmb - Jan 14, 2013 at 6:21 PM

        So what do they do if he remains unsigned thru the draft … the Cards lose a decent pitcher for no return. Oops.

    • lsterne - Jan 11, 2013 at 5:12 PM

      6 years for a total 100 million for Bourne? Who? Why?

      • APBA Guy - Jan 12, 2013 at 12:43 AM

        I agree totally. All the talk about big money for a .739 OPS and career .704 is baffling to me. True, he leads all outfielders in dWAR, but a lot of guys are very good at dWAR and cost about 70% less and have comparable or better offense. The A’s paid CoCo Crisp $ 7M a year for 2 years of his career .736 OPS and positive dWAR.

        I think Bourn is worth more than Crisp, but not nearly what he is asking for.

    • deepstblu - Jan 12, 2013 at 2:02 PM

      This should be modified in the next CBA. I would suggest that perhaps qualifying offers should have to be held open for a longer time, or that there be no compensation for players who sign one-year contracts with no options for less than the qualifying offer.

  15. kevinleaptrot - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:21 PM

    Someone stick a fork in him (Boras), he’s done.

    • cackalackyank - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:37 PM

      It is pretty hard to kill a blood sucking vampire, but if you had said stick a STAKE in him it would have been a little more accurate. Greed will keep this guy going for a long time yet.

  16. superpriebe - Jan 11, 2013 at 3:29 PM

    Prince Fielder signed on January 24th last year…I heard he got a pretty good deal. There was a LOT of talk last year at this time about how Boras was messing up Prince’s situation. I’m not saying it will work out as well for these three, but I refuse to question Boras without the benefit of hindsight.

    While it is possible (probable?) that he sometimes overplays his hand, it is also possible that his clients sometimes press him into doing things he does not recommend. He can’t hang them out to dry if/when they do, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that kind of thing accounted for some of his “failures”.

    • jrbdmb - Jan 14, 2013 at 6:25 PM

      Fielder and Boras got *very* lucky last winter when the Tigers expected 1st baseman Victor Martinez blew out his knee and the Tigers panicked.

      Not expecting to see that lightning strike twice, esp. with the new draft pick compensation rule in place.

  17. jonnybaseball - Jan 11, 2013 at 4:19 PM

    I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.

  18. sportsguygerald - Jan 11, 2013 at 4:30 PM

    It’s not the amount of $$ he wants, and it’s not the draft pick either, the hangup is the loss of slot money that’s tied to the pick. As far as Fielder not signing until late Jan, That was under the old rules and the new rules now are a whole new game.

  19. lsterne - Jan 11, 2013 at 5:09 PM

    I’m not sure my comments have any value since I believe (1) that most “stars” are grossly overpaid and (2) that greed is both unbecoming and, in the long run, self-destructive but, having given this caveat, I’ll say my piece anyhow.
    Boras has been viewed as the “toughest” negotiator in the game for a long time, but also, in the view of some, unreliable and untruthful.
    At some point, having him as an agent will be a disadvantage. Could it be this year? Has he overreached in his demands? Time will tell.

  20. boondocksaint7 - Jan 11, 2013 at 6:01 PM

    Boras and agents like him are parasites. He and Steinbrenner ruined baseball. Nothing he’s says is important or believable. May he go back under the rock he crawled out from and never come back!

  21. proudliberal85392 - Jan 11, 2013 at 7:28 PM

    Don’t worry if the horse is blind. Just go ahead and load the wagon. – John Madden

  22. Ted - Jan 12, 2013 at 4:46 AM

    @historiophiliac: your post was funny . . . until you added that final line.

  23. coloradogolfcoupons - Jan 12, 2013 at 8:41 AM

    Because there has always been that ‘one dumb owner’ guys like Lohse with middling careers have always found a home and been way overpaid. A lot of that was because even at 34 they were juicing and producing later in their careers, and owners knew it. 34 is now the new 40, the exact opposite of the roid era. Along with the new FA rules and loss of picks and slot money, these guys are going to see it is a new ball game. You will probably see more qualifying offers accepted next year by free agents who do not fall into the superstar category

  24. johndacquisto - Jan 12, 2013 at 11:26 AM

    See people might be thinking about eating chicken now instead of steak…Don’t price you clients out of the market just because you think the money is there because it may not be there…

  25. scubagolfjim - Jan 12, 2013 at 1:29 PM

    Wouldn’t it be funny if all sports teams just quit dealing with any athlete signed with Scott Whoreass.

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