I’m sure that teams have PED clauses in their contracts, but I wonder how many teams, if any, do any actual testing, or if the player’s agreement allows them to. Especially in cases with Latin American players, or college players, how do GM’s avoid unpleasant surprises?

My New Year’s Resolution: be more like Richard Parker.

However, most things this morning remind me of a story, and this example is no exception. You can check this one out too. Emo Phillips once said that he asked his psychiatrist “what does it mean that I eat the eyes out of chocolate bunnies and then scream “Stop staring at me!” ???

One question HAS been answered though: I can now see the inspiration for Tommy. One imagines that the dog & pony show in John C. Lilly’s head is not dissimilar to what happens after The Iron Giant hits a homer and Tommy is given his cue.

PS: Do NOT go see Life of Pi. While its very VERY good, and some of it involves mind altering experiences, you’ll also see a lot of meerkats. Mind you they’re treated like a snack food in parts, but there’s still a lot of them.

How so, you ask. Okay, I will tell you.

Lilly took ketamine injections to help him communicate with dolphins (and subsequent computer analyses of their squeaks and chirps reveal that they thought he was an idiot), tried on several occasions to mate with dolphins – all female, we understand, so Torii Hunter needn’t be any more disconcerted than usual (and subsequent computer analyses of their squeaks and chirps reveal that they also thought he was a dangerous rapist); lived in a heavy saline solution isolation tank, apparently to disprove assertions that putting too much salt on your oatmeal will give you a coronary; and took injections of estrogen until he grew boobs (and how many games would a Razed minor leaguer be suspended for that – for violating the old unwritten mach code that clearly states “Two’s androgyny, three’s a crowd”?) But what could he do with them, you ask? Damned if I know. They sound as useless as tits on a bullshit artist. True story: the late great mythologist and literary scholar Joseph Campbell ran across Lilly at a conference at Esalen Institute in California when he was sporting his magnified mammaries and was a bit taken aback. Lilly gave a talk on the joys of hermaphrodism at the conference that left Campbell, surely no stranger to weird stories and weirder people, shaking his head. Later, Campbell met Lilly’s wife, Toni, at a cocktail reception and asked her what she thought of John’s new…um…attributes. She replied, “oh, they’re lovely – he’s so cuddly now.”

I only thought of this story because, well, because the Tropicana Dump is so close to the water.