Skip to content

Advice to A-Rod that, if taken, will make people’s heads explode

Jan 30, 2013, 10:30 AM EDT

Alex Rodriguez Getty Getty Images

I doubt A-Rod would take this advice. He’s gone in with a full denial and likely will keep that up until he either skates clear or gets suspended by Major League Baseball. But if A-Rod really and truly wanted to try something novel and fun he’d ignore all those people who are suggesting he try to commit insurance fraud and simply own up to taking PEDs. Not out of a sense of responsibility, but out of a sense of pure unadulterated mischief.

He should walk into Bud Selig’s office tomorrow morning, put his good leg up on the desk and say “Bud, gotta tell ya. I took PEDs last year. I was rotten with the stuff. I’ll sign an affidavit to that effect right now and agree to waive any appeal of discipline. Give me my 50 game suspension, please.”

His suspension would then begin on Opening Day and last until Monday, May 27. All the while A-Rod was on the disabled list rehabbing from his hip surgery.  He’d be out money, but he’d not miss a single game that he’d otherwise play in. The Joint Drug Agreement allows it.  Edinson Volquez and Freddy Galvis each served their own PED suspensions while on the DL.  There’s no way around it.

And when it happened, the media’s collective heads would explode. The outrage would be so great it would create shortages. The government would only allow you to have outrage, like, every other day depending on whether your license plate ends in an odd or even number. We’d be on an outrage war footing, really.

He won’t do it. But man, if he did, it’d be glorious.

Latest Posts
  1. It’s OK for ballplayers to be friendly with one another. Really.

    Mar 30, 2015, 12:30 PM EDT

    Screen Shot 2015-03-30 at 12.11.07 PM AP

    Baseball technically has a rule against “fraternization.” It’s a dumb rule.

  2. 2015 Preview: Arizona Diamondbacks

    Mar 30, 2015, 12:04 PM EDT

    Chip Hale, Dave Stewart, Tony LaRussa AP

    New regime, different results?

  3. MLB owns a stake in daily fantasy sports

    Mar 30, 2015, 11:35 AM EDT

    Money Bag

    Daily Fantasy Sports is not, legally speaking, gambling. But it is somewhat surprising to see Major League Baseball taking a stake in it.

  4. Mets “still may try to trade Dillon Gee within the month”

    Mar 30, 2015, 11:19 AM EDT

    Dillon Gee Getty Getty Images

    He’s owed $5.3 million for 2015 and is also under team control for 2016 via arbitration.

  5. Marlins release outfielder Reed Johnson

    Mar 30, 2015, 10:47 AM EDT

    Chicago Cubs' Reed Johnson watches a 2-RBI against the Boston Red Sox during their MLB Interleague baseball game at Fenway Park Reuters

    Looks like the end of the line for the 38-year-old.

  6. The New York press is getting desperate in their search for A-Rod intrigue

    Mar 30, 2015, 10:36 AM EDT

    Alex Rodriguez AP AP

    A-Rod’s worst offense yet: not giving the press anything to be offended about.

  7. Brewers release former All-Star closer Chris Perez

    Mar 30, 2015, 10:15 AM EDT

    chris perez getty Getty Images

    Perez was a back-to-back All-Star in 2011 and 2012.

  8. Players are taking home a much smaller percentage of revenue than they used to

    Mar 30, 2015, 10:04 AM EDT

    Tony Clark AP

    What, if anything, will Tony Clark and the MLBPA do about it?

  9. Vazquez insurance: The Red Sox acquire catcher Sandy Leon from the Nationals

    Mar 30, 2015, 9:00 AM EDT

    Sandy Leon Getty Images

    Leon looks to have the inside track on the Sox’ backup catching gig.

  10. 2015 Preview: Toronto Blue Jays

    Mar 30, 2015, 8:33 AM EDT

    John Gibbons AP

    Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but the Blue Jays look like a club that’ll mash the hell out of the ball but have a hard time with run prevention.

  11. Is spring training “horribly, utterly broken?”

    Mar 30, 2015, 7:24 AM EDT

    Equipment Bags

    The first rule of solutions: make sure you’re employing them to address actual problems.

  12. Rangers release Ryan Ludwick

    Mar 29, 2015, 11:55 PM EDT

    Ryan Ludwick Getty Images

    Ryan Ludwick didn’t hit much during Cactus League play, resulting in the Rangers releasing him on Sunday.

  13. Nick Martinez wins No. 5 spot in Rangers’ starting rotation

    Mar 29, 2015, 11:20 PM EDT

    Nick Martinez AP

    Nick Martinez beat out the field to win the final spot in the Rangers’ starting rotation.

  14. Mike Pelfrey recants his comments about the Twins trading him

    Mar 29, 2015, 10:25 PM EDT

    Mike Pelfrey Mike Pelfrey

    Mike Pelfrey took back his comments about being happy with a trade to a team that would use him as a starter.

  15. Video: Ben Revere robs Rajai Davis of a home run

    Mar 29, 2015, 9:20 PM EDT

    Ben Revere Ben Revere

    Ben Revere broke a promise to Rajai Davis when the Phillies’ left fielder robbed a home run.

  16. Casey Janssen to undergo an MRI on his right shoulder

    Mar 29, 2015, 8:15 PM EDT

    Casey Janssen Casey Janssen

    Nationals reliever Casey Janssen is dealing with more shoulder problems, which could lead to a stint on the disabled list.

  17. Dan Uggla on potential bench role with Nationals: “That’s not what I’m looking to do.”

    Mar 29, 2015, 7:10 PM EDT

    Dan Uggla Dan Uggla

    Dan Uggla, who is having a strong spring training showing, says he wouldn’t be comfortable sitting on the Nationals’ bench.

  18. Phillies move Ben Revere to left field to make room for Odubel Herrera in center

    Mar 29, 2015, 6:05 PM EDT

    Ben Revere Ben Revere

    Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg shook up his outfield a bit on Sunday, announcing that Ben Revere would be moving to left field.

  19. Cole Hamels to start Opening Day for Phillies

    Mar 29, 2015, 5:01 PM EDT

    cole hamels getty Getty Images

    Hamels tossed five scoreless innings in his latest Grapefruit League start. He’ll take on the Red Sox on April 6 — a team he has been connected to in trade talks throughout the offseason.

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. J. Fernandez (4447)
  2. S. Doolittle (3795)
  3. Y. Tomas (3783)
  4. K. Bryant (3704)
  5. C. Rodon (3680)
  1. H. Olivera (3644)
  2. G. Richards (3631)
  3. A. Cobb (3593)
  4. T. Walker (3478)
  5. K. Jansen (3426)