Feb 5, 2013, 5:33 PM EST
A little over a week ago 33% of the words in the headline would make so sense to any of us. Anyway:
Major League Baseball officials have asked the Miami News Times for records the alternative newspaper obtained for a story on alleged use of banned substances by several players. Miami New Times editor Chuck Strouse said Tuesday the paper had not yet decided how to respond. Strouse described the MLB move as a request and noted that the league does not have legal subpoena power.
Bud: Wait, we don’t have any subpoena power? Manfred! Torre! Get in here!
Rob Manfred and Joe Torre: [in unison] Yes boss?
Bud: This fella from the newspaper said I don’t have subpoena power. How is that possible?
Manfred: Because you’re not the government, sir.
Bud: I have control of a monopoly, do I not?
Torre: Yes sir.
Bud: And I have had federal agents do my bidding in the past, have I not?
Manfred: Yes sir.
Bud: Then get me one of those subpoena things and let’s get cracking, OK? [presses button on desk, pneumatic tube descends upon him, he is sucked into another room, possibly for lunch]
Manfred: [sigh]. Joe, get George Mitchell over here. Tell him to wear his governmenty suit.
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- MLB.com names Byron Buxton as baseball’s top prospect for second straight year 29
- Yasiel Puig says the Cardinals are the Dodgers’ “principal rivals,” not the Giants 90
- Jayson Werth to serve five days in jail for reckless driving 48
- Keith Law’s top 100 prospects list is out 39
- Great Moments in Media Arrogance: Marshawn Lynch edition 173
- Nationals sign former Blue Jays closer Casey Janssen 11
- Ichiro Suzuki’s deal with the Marlins is worth $2 million 35
- Great Moments in Media Arrogance: Marshawn Lynch edition (173)
- Rob Manfred, new Major League Baseball commissioner, suggests ban on defensive shifts (118)
- Why “Deflategate” would never happen in baseball (96)
- Yasiel Puig says the Cardinals are the Dodgers’ “principal rivals,” not the Giants (90)
- The Yankees are going to try to get out of paying A-Rod his contract incentives (83)