Feb 5, 2013, 5:33 PM EDT
A little over a week ago 33% of the words in the headline would make so sense to any of us. Anyway:
Major League Baseball officials have asked the Miami News Times for records the alternative newspaper obtained for a story on alleged use of banned substances by several players. Miami New Times editor Chuck Strouse said Tuesday the paper had not yet decided how to respond. Strouse described the MLB move as a request and noted that the league does not have legal subpoena power.
Bud: Wait, we don’t have any subpoena power? Manfred! Torre! Get in here!
Rob Manfred and Joe Torre: [in unison] Yes boss?
Bud: This fella from the newspaper said I don’t have subpoena power. How is that possible?
Manfred: Because you’re not the government, sir.
Bud: I have control of a monopoly, do I not?
Torre: Yes sir.
Bud: And I have had federal agents do my bidding in the past, have I not?
Manfred: Yes sir.
Bud: Then get me one of those subpoena things and let’s get cracking, OK? [presses button on desk, pneumatic tube descends upon him, he is sucked into another room, possibly for lunch]
Manfred: [sigh]. Joe, get George Mitchell over here. Tell him to wear his governmenty suit.
- And That Happened: Monday’s scores and highlights 109
- Monday’s White Sox/Orioles game postponed due to ongoing protests and violence in Baltimore 153
- Cardinals confirm Adam Wainwright is done for season with torn Achilles 22
- Source: Josh Hamilton rejected a trade to a National League team because he wanted to go back to Texas 52
- Deal done: Josh Hamilton traded to the Texas Rangers for cash considerations 56
- Pitchers batting is dumb and the DH should be universal 356
- And That Happened: Sunday’s scores and highlights 88
- Alex Rodriguez hits 659th career home run, now one shy of tying Willie Mays 60
- Pitchers batting is dumb and the DH should be universal (356)
- Comment of the Day: do not underestimate the seriousness of the anti-DH crowd (199)
- The early leaders in MLB’s “Franchise Four” thing have been announced (166)
- The Royals and White Sox had a benches-clearing fracas, five players ejected (166)
- Monday’s White Sox/Orioles game postponed due to ongoing protests and violence in Baltimore (155)