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Picture of the Day: Marlins fans are really excited for the new season

Feb 9, 2013, 10:31 AM EDT

Marlins’ single-game tickets for the 2013 season went on sale this morning. Fresh off a winter in which the team alienated their fanbase by trading away some big names and angered their best player in the process, it’s safe to say that enthusiasm is lacking.

Yikes. Well done, Jeffrey Loria.

  1. echech88 - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:37 AM

    Hopefully season seats tanked as well. That regime deserves nothing but failure.

  2. youjivinmeturkey - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:41 AM

    That’s So Very VERY Sad.
    :”(

  3. cktai - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    The last guy in line must be wondering if any tickets are left by the time he reaches the cashier, or even worse, that the only tickets left are next to the home run statue.

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:50 AM

      Leave Tommy alone!

      • Jeremiah Graves - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:22 AM

        Which one is you, Gator?!

      • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:43 AM

        No chance – those guys are much too well dressed for any of them to be me.

      • ajcardsfan - Feb 9, 2013 at 2:48 PM

        I’d like to image OG wearing Gandalf like apparel, and slams his staff/walking stick on the ground anytime the “Feesh” get an out, and him yelling “You shall not score”

      • historiophiliac - Feb 9, 2013 at 4:27 PM

        Gandalf in huaraches, you mean. And Gator probably likes to show a little ankle.

  4. beefytrout - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    if that’s a legitimate picture, then damn. I remember 10 years ago when the Rangers were a consistent 3rd place team, people were camping out overnight in line when single game tickets went on sale, and the line was hundreds deep by the time the window opened.

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:05 AM

      I’ll report back on its legitimacy later – but I suspect the odds are very much in favor of it.

      • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 3:32 PM

        The Old Gator Report

        Okay, here’s the skinny. On a bright, beautiful 79-degree afternoon in Macondo, your correspondent fired up the dilithium crystals in his Pig of Steel and motored down to Macondo Banana Massacre Field. I kept her on impulse power, since no one wants to waste propulsives at these prices on such a lazy afternoon. It’s about a twenty minute jaunt up the Palmetto, thence eastbound along the Dolphin Expressway (the name was changed a few years back from the Dolphin Expressway, after the team, to the Dolphin Expressway, after the cetacean, when it became clear that the team was going to suck bigtime for the foreseeable future). As you pass the airport, the Sauron’s Eye of the stadium’s detractable sliding dome appears in the distance under an azure sky, ranged round by downtown’s bristle of chrome and gunite phalluses. You can’t get lost looking for it. This is a mixed blessing.

        First sign that the omens were gonna be bad: there was no traffic getting off on 27th Avenue, and a short line for the left turn on Seventh Street. No traffic approaching the stadium, either. I took the right turn on Scrooge McLoria Bullevard directly in front of the stadium. Lots of empty spots at the curb. Uh-oh. As I approached the front entrance, I could hear the energetic strains of a salsa band, playing on a colorful stage set up in front of the ticket windows. The front lawn featured a scattering of inflatable brat slides and the kind of mobile, set up and knock down weekend carnival rides you often hear of breaking apart and sending kids flying thirty feet to their encounters with parapalegia. There were a couple of hot dog and sausage and arepa stands, a couple of hold-harmless signs in case of choking or botulism, some souvenir tables with disclaimers about small plastic parts, that kind of thing – a festive atmosphere that didn’t quite get festive owing to the sparse crowd. The salsa band was incongruous for knowing what they were doing. Unlike the team that was gradually impending somewhere up the coast, these guys really knew how to play.

        I would guess there were maybe a hundred and fifty to two hundred people out front – most of them families enjoying the rides and gustatory equivocations, buying a few souvenir jerseys, helmets, caps and so forth. There was a mix of stadium personnel and some bored cops hanging around out front. The door to the ticket lobby was closed and it didn’t look like there were more than a few dozen folks inside. There wasn’t much of a line. Most of the activity was for the carnival, such as it was, on the promenade.

        Just to get a complete peecture of things, I circumnavigated the entire stadium site in the Pig of Steel. Several of the open parking garages were manned by uniformed Feesh employees who looked bored to the perimeters of catatonia, and there weren’t any cars going in or out. I could look into the garages and saw that they were overwhelmingly empty. The Clevelander side of the stadium was deserted and the outside parking lots were completely empty. And of course, the promenades of shops along Seventh Street remained totally unleased, the windows covered on the inside with plain brown paper. When the apocalypse comes, these building will be ready for it.

        So that’s it. Opening day for tickets had all the excitement of a weekend church bake sale in Dacron, Ohio – and this even with the ooompf of a loud salsa band and a halcyon day to make northeasterners chew on the straps of their wind goggles.

        So it goes, sayeth KV.

  5. historiophiliac - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    Wow.

  6. windycity0301 - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:53 AM

    What’s with the dark socks and sandals? Is this a new trend out of fashionable Miami? Did Lebron start it?

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:04 AM

      Macondo has never inspired a fashion trend in its entire existence – except, maybe, three-day stubble. What you’re seeing was just the latest in chic from along the Malecón as long ago as it took that guy to paddle his tire to south beach.

  7. Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:00 AM

    I need to take a ride over there and snap some photos for my schadenfreude folio.

    Man, would it not be awesome essence of awesome if the Feesh set an alltime low record for attendance for a season? Would the little jerk maybe consider selling – even noting his usual avarice, would that kind of humiliation begin changing his mind about hanging onto the team and sucking on it the way our odd Hemingway hound Fido sucks on one of those pigeons he catches until there was nothing left but a slightly feathered potato chip? The only thing that could be better would be if Scrooge McLoria bungled into one of those occasional spacetime warps and found himself squeezed into another dimension like a watermelon seed.

    On the other hand, I feel it is my duty to remind everyone that the lack of fan enthusiasm in Macondo is not just Scrooge McLoria’s fault. He’s the coup de torchon at the end of a long process of insults and disappointments administered by prior owners and the betrayal of the community by its so-called representatives in the Macondo Banana Massacre Field mega-swindle. What you’re seeing is an entire community retching up its dreams about major league baseball after its ability to digest one humiliation after another has been exhausted.

    • historiophiliac - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:18 AM

      The retching would explain the dark socks then.

    • indaburg - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:36 AM

      Gator, if you do ride over there, could you please do me a favor? Ask anyone waiting for tickets… why? What’s their motivation? If this past off-season wasn’t rock bottom, what is for these sadomasochistic souls?

      • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:46 AM

        I gave up on masochism after my first blind date – five foot three, two hundred twenty pounds – spent the entire night bemoaning her struggles with anorexia over a milkshake and a huge plate of cheese fries.

      • indaburg - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:38 PM

        That’s not masochism. That’s body dysmorphic disorder and morbid obesity. Unless she liked to sit on you to watch you wince in pain for her own amusement. Then she’s a masochist.

        Was there a second date?

      • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 1:28 PM

        I’m not talking about her masochism. I’m talking about mine, trying real hard to be a gentleman and sitting and listening to her all evening.

        And, no.

      • indaburg - Feb 9, 2013 at 1:45 PM

        I knew what you meant… :-) I was just being a smart ass. Or just an ass.

      • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:35 PM

        Smartass will do. You want a straight ass, go rent Au Husard Balthazar from Netflix. It’s Francis the Talking Mule without the inane dialogue.

    • raysfan1 - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:58 PM

      Setting an all time record for low attendance for a season will take some doing–only 80,922 fans attended St Louis Browns home games in 1935. To do it, they’ll have to have less than 1000 tickets sold per game.

      However, the Marlins team record at 813.111 set in 2002 is doable.

      • raysfan1 - Feb 9, 2013 at 1:03 PM

        Oh, and single game record: September 8, 1916… Yankees at the Philadelphia A’s: 23 paid spectators.

      • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 1:29 PM

        Yeah, there were a lot of empty seats during WWI and the Depression.

      • raysfan1 - Feb 9, 2013 at 3:58 PM

        Course we didn’t get directly involved in WWI until 1918, after the Zimmerman Telegram was intercepted.

        Could have had something to do also with the A’s being 46 games out of first (Red Sox and their ace pitcher, some guy named Babe Ruth who led the AL with a 1.75 ERA that year).

  8. Gordon - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:10 AM

    Where’s the crowd control?

    • cackalackyank - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:19 PM

      Loria IS the crowd control.

  9. thebadguyswon - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:24 AM

    Is that all the Marlins fans (minus Gator)?

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:52 AM

      Yep. And you can “minus Gator” for the rest of this entire season, too. Scrooge McLoria, enjoy the silence.

      • stlouis1baseball - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:32 PM

        “five foot three, two hundred twenty pounds – spent the entire night bemoaning her struggles with anorexia over a milkshake and a huge plate of cheese fries.”

        Hahaha! Large…and in charge. She chased it all down with a Diet Coke no less.
        Thanks for the visual. LOL! So tell me…was it like riding a moped?

  10. jcioffi1485 - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:39 AM

    this ownership deserves unprecented humiliation, forcing Selig no choice but to sieze control of this team

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:53 AM

      Brothers, let us pray. Nacho, bring that goat over here.

  11. brewcrewfan54 - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:44 AM

    Why wait in line in February when you will easily be able to walk up on gameday to get the same seats?

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:46 AM

      Why walk up on gameday to get the same seats in the first place?

      • cackalackyank - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:23 PM

        Well Gator, some misled soul might come to watch their team get a win on the road.

      • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 1:30 PM

        Like…a Mutts fan?

  12. slickdemetrius - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:52 AM

    People are such negative Nellys. Think of the convenience here:
    You have time – to wash the car
    – wash the dog
    – wash the wife
    – go to the beach for some sun
    – fill out the 2010, 2011,2012 tax returns
    – eat at an “all you can eat” Chinese restaurant until you’re full
    – compare the stats of which team was better, the 1909 Pirates or the ’55 Dodgers.
    – read War and Peace in Russian (twice if you’re a speed reader or a Yale grad)
    – Go back to the Chinese “all you can eat” because you’re hungry again
    All this can be done the morning the tickets go on sale and you’re still 5th in line.

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 11:55 AM

      Skip War and Peace. Read Nabokov’s Pale Fire instead.

      And you can play a couple of games of Ouija Scrabble too, while you’re waiting for your car to dry.

  13. paperlions - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:00 PM

    As much fun as it is to think (and hope) that 4 fans is all that showed up on the morning single-game tickets go on sale….do they not also go on sale online? Meaning these could just be the four fans that don’t have internet access or a credit card? Including on line sales, they might have sold 10 tickets today.

    • historiophiliac - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:13 PM

      You almost fooled me there at the beginning.

    • cackalackyank - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:25 PM

      Ten is still too many for that db Loria.

  14. tellyspop - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:05 PM

    I received my two season tickets to the Marlins games. I left them on the dash of my car and went into the mall. I came out later and found my windshield smashed and two more season tickets left with mine…

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 1:32 PM

      Ah, you really do live here.

  15. sisisisisisisi - Feb 9, 2013 at 12:38 PM

    I am not so sure if these are their employees posing as fans

  16. jashton11 - Feb 9, 2013 at 3:10 PM

    I really should have driven down to Miami today just for the sheer comedic value of this.

  17. jimmymarlinsfan - Feb 9, 2013 at 3:18 PM

    I can’t wait to see all the young guys grow and get better. Yelich and Fernandez should arrive by the all star break and they should about match last years wins total with a bunch of rookies

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:37 PM

      Jimmy, if you could bottle your optimism in pill form you could drive Prozac off the market in six weeks.

  18. loge23 - Feb 9, 2013 at 5:48 PM

    The Miami Herald – or even New Times – is doing their readership a huge disservice by not snapping up the Old Gator.
    …just saying
    (not as Old, but a Gator)

    • Old Gator - Feb 9, 2013 at 6:10 PM

      Thanks, but I’d have to learn to split my infinitives, spell atrociously and adapt to Espanglish syntax to write for the Feeshwrapper. And if I worked for the New Times, I’d still have to keep my busboy job. So….meh.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 10, 2013 at 1:15 AM

        “…when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will stay split, and when I interrupt the velvety smoothness of my more or less literate syntax with a few sudden words of barroom vernacular, this is done with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed but attentive.”

      • Old Gator - Feb 10, 2013 at 8:25 AM

        There is no way I would want to be Raymond Chandler’s proofreader.

  19. mojosmagic - Feb 9, 2013 at 9:22 PM

    They just need to have some good promotions like a Jeffrey Loria Bobble Head with a bulls eye in the middle of his farhead.

    • Old Gator - Feb 10, 2013 at 8:26 AM

      I cannot condone that sort of implicit violence.

      I could, however, condone a Scrooge McLoria bobblehead with a “Kick Me” sign taped to its ass.

  20. ptfu - Feb 9, 2013 at 10:45 PM

    If Giancarlo Stanton hits a homer but there’s no one there to see it, does Tommy the Home Run Sculpture Thing make a sound?

    • Old Gator - Feb 10, 2013 at 8:23 AM

      Weighty questions for all of us, indeed. Fortunately, this coming season we’ll have nothing to do but contemplate them.

  21. jvm127 - Feb 10, 2013 at 9:30 AM

    As a Pirates fan I feel their pain. At least they have two championships in the recent past to look back on. I grew up on the heartbreaks of the 90′s nlcs losses and my favorite players were Bobby Bonilla, Barry Bonds, and Doug Drabek – off of whom left for big money deals and left me sad and despondent as my team went on to set the record for most losing seasons in a row.

  22. mojosmagic - Feb 11, 2013 at 11:04 PM

    Am I to late for good seats?

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