Skip to content

Brett Lawrie, Brandon Morrow analyze airplane flatulence

Feb 11, 2013, 1:48 PM EST

Blue Jays teammates Brett Lawrie and Brandon Morrow had this exchange on Twitter regarding farting on airplanes:

#truth

  1. cur68 - Feb 11, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    Ah, the infamous “He who smelt it, dealt it!”. #Victimblaming

    One day, soon perhaps, we’ll all have pocket DNA analysers. It may even be an APP on our iPhones (iPhart™). Then, and only then, will there be a definitive answer to “Who the hell just farted?”

    Such a device would have solved many a fight in my house growing up. Having two brothers I know from experience that “He who smelt it, dealt it!” actually means “I did it, but I shall blame you, the victim, for amusement’s sake”. With new iPhart™ technology you’ll be able to put the blame squarely where it belongs: on your brother, the nasty, evil, bean-eating sod that he is.

    • number42is1 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:05 PM

      Elevators are the worse.. especially when the motherfuc*er decides to drop it as he LEAVES the elevator and you are going up to the 87th floor.

      • cur68 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:10 PM

        Agree. The dreaded “Dutch Oven”.

        My younger brother had a technique he perfected that was a proto-Dutch Oven. He called it “The Baked Potato”. He come in your room, ease one out, then leap out the door and lean on it. You’d be forced into two courses of action: either sit there and take the heat or head for the door, stand “in the zone” and attempt to get the door open. Depending on his diet that day, neither option was particularly good.

      • kopy - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:15 PM

        I’d be lying if I said I’ve never engaged the window locks while driving a car with passengers before farting. The reaction when they realize they’re completely helpless and cannot roll the windows down is priceless everytime.

        I usually only laugh for a few seconds before releasing the locks. I’m too nice of a person sometimes.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:21 PM

        I’m ashamed that I laughed at this thread.

      • number42is1 - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:22 PM

        Kopy – that is totally different.. doing it to ppl you know is not the same as dropping ass in an enclosed space of strangers and then watching them suffer (on purpose). the next step from there is killing puppies to se what happens and.. well.. we all know what happens from there.

      • cur68 - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:28 PM

        What kind of inhuman monster wouldn’t laugh?

        Fact: Not laughing at a good fart joke/story is a sure sign of a zombie.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 11, 2013 at 4:09 PM

        Since I’m a lady, I won’t share such a story. Not that I have any to share… You did make me giggle, however, gentlemen.

    • psuravens19 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:14 PM

      This might be the greatest response to a blog in the history of blogs! You should definitely be looking to trademark iPhart.

      • cur68 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:29 PM

        Really? The best? Shucks. Thank you. (However, I’d hoped to make so much more out of my life than a really good fart joke. Oh well.)

        As for “iPhart”, it’s in the urban dictionary already. I bet a fart mimicking APP would probably sell real well, though (you can have that one: I don’t want my name attached to it in any way).

        Actual PCR analyses in an iPhone, though? Yeah, not likely soon. Still, if you wanted a “pretend” one may I suggest maybe a tricorder sound while its running? You’ll definitely freak out some people.

    • stlouis1baseball - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:46 PM

      He who accuses blows the fuses…

    • stlouis1baseball - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:50 PM

      Or…the smeller’s the feller.’
      They both work wonderfully…along with “he who smelt it dealt it” of course.

    • bracsis - Feb 11, 2013 at 4:05 PM

      I find it all funny, must be a guy thing. Fart stories are usually funny. For instance, I was at work and had stinky farts all day. The lady in the dispatch office was being a b***h, so I went in the office with other guys and released the beast. I sneaked out of there and looked back in the office. The look on her face was priceless. It looked like she sucked on a lemon (not to mention all the other people in the office). You could see them trying to figure out who was the stinky one. Mission ACCOMPLISHED.

    • indaburg - Feb 11, 2013 at 5:09 PM

      You know who really wants iPhart in my house? The dog. Poor dog gets blamed for every fart. Finally, she can be exonerated.

      ‘philiac, there’s no shame in laughing at this thread. There are two things that will always be funny: farts and a ball hitting someone’s nuts. It’s even better when both happen simultaneously.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 11, 2013 at 5:26 PM

        That was another thing with the Dalmatian. You knew it was bad when HE would get up and move out of the toxic air zone.

      • nbjays - Feb 12, 2013 at 7:44 AM

        “and a ball hitting someone’s nuts.”

        It’s only funny when you don’t have any nuts. Even guys who DIDN’T get hit will usually wince at that.

  2. nightman13 - Feb 11, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    It’s the cultural phenomenon known as “crowd farting.” It occurs anywhere there is a mass of people. Concerts, lines, airplanes, stadiums, etc. In a large group of people, there is little chance of the farter being identified as long as the fart is inaudibly executed. So people let them fly when they are in a crowd.

    Crowd farters are in my top 10 Pet Peeve List.

    • psuravens19 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:16 PM

      This most certainly could be a Seinfeld episode.

  3. proudlycanadian - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    How can anyone be expected to make an intelligent comment about this topic. Jays pitchers and catchers report tomorrow. Morrow’s stuff is filthy. Expect him to lead the team in wins.

    • number42is1 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:04 PM

      Ill take that bet. JJ or Dickey

    • cur68 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:05 PM

      How can anyone be expected to make an intelligent comment about this topic

      I did my best.
      / hangs head in shame

    • paperlions - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:20 PM

      “Morrow’s stuff is filthy”….therefore the “smelt it dealt it strategy”

    • abaird2012 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:52 PM

      Which “stuff ” does he mean?

      • proudlycanadian - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:47 PM

        No comment!

  4. sabatimus - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:14 PM

    This way, in case there’s an accident, they can float around the North Atlantic for several days clinging to a pillow full of beer farts (George Carlin paraphrase).

  5. jjh1982 - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:37 PM

    All this talk about farting makes me want to go poop!

  6. JB (the original) - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    In lines, you just have to keep a close eye for the person shaking their leg to let it escape.

  7. JB (the original) - Feb 11, 2013 at 2:56 PM

    Then there’s the person who suddenly gets up, looks around nervously, and skitters to the can like Peg Bundy; That was no ordinary fart, that was a shart.

  8. stlouis1baseball - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:48 PM

    “I’d be lying if I said I’ve never engaged the window locks while driving a car with passengers before farting. The reaction when they realize they’re completely helpless and cannot roll the windows down is priceless everytime.”

    With you 100% Kopy!
    As I am sure you can imagine…the Wife and kids are huge fans of this.
    I usually only keep the windows locked for 5 minutes or so.
    For added fun…I sometimes turn the heater all the way up.

  9. The Dangerous Mabry - Feb 11, 2013 at 3:51 PM

    I’ve been told that he who denied it, supplied it.

  10. binarymath - Feb 11, 2013 at 4:50 PM

    Baseball is in the air…

    • nbjays - Feb 12, 2013 at 7:46 AM

      …along with other things, apparently.

      My dad always said “The skunk smells his own stink first”.

  11. jayquintana - Feb 12, 2013 at 8:39 AM

    A little OT, but I was giving a presentation once and accidentally let one out — not silently. I started fake coughing. No one believed it. Everyone had suppressed smiles, but, amazingly, no one broke out in laughter.

    I, somehow, was able to finish my presentation. My cheeks were burning the whole time. In fact, they are burning again as I think about this. And this happened over 15 years ago!

Leave Comment

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Not a member? Register now!

Featured video

Maddon has high hopes for Cubs
Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. P. Sandoval (5487)
  2. Y. Tomas (4533)
  3. H. Ramirez (4328)
  4. J. Lester (3237)
  5. C. Headley (2486)
  1. M. Kemp (2375)
  2. J. Upton (2274)
  3. J. Bruce (2195)
  4. Y. Cespedes (2161)
  5. A. LaRoche (2050)