Comments on: Brett Lawrie, Brandon Morrow analyze airplane flatulence

By: jayquintana

jayquintana — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 13:39:23 +0000

A little OT, but I was giving a presentation once and accidentally let one out — not silently. I started fake coughing. No one believed it. Everyone had suppressed smiles, but, amazingly, no one broke out in laughter.

I, somehow, was able to finish my presentation. My cheeks were burning the whole time. In fact, they are burning again as I think about this. And this happened over 15 years ago!

By: nbjays

nbjays — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 12:46:56 +0000

…along with other things, apparently.

My dad always said “The skunk smells his own stink first”.

By: nbjays

nbjays — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 12:44:28 +0000

“and a ball hitting someone’s nuts.”

It’s only funny when you don’t have any nuts. Even guys who DIDN’T get hit will usually wince at that.

By: historiophiliac

historiophiliac — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 22:26:28 +0000

That was another thing with the Dalmatian. You knew it was bad when HE would get up and move out of the toxic air zone.

By: indaburg

indaburg — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 22:09:09 +0000

You know who really wants iPhart in my house? The dog. Poor dog gets blamed for every fart. Finally, she can be exonerated.

‘philiac, there’s no shame in laughing at this thread. There are two things that will always be funny: farts and a ball hitting someone’s nuts. It’s even better when both happen simultaneously.

By: binarymath

binarymath — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 21:50:46 +0000

Baseball is in the air…

By: historiophiliac

historiophiliac — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 21:09:28 +0000

Since I’m a lady, I won’t share such a story. Not that I have any to share… You did make me giggle, however, gentlemen.

By: bracsis

bracsis — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 21:05:45 +0000

I find it all funny, must be a guy thing. Fart stories are usually funny. For instance, I was at work and had stinky farts all day. The lady in the dispatch office was being a b***h, so I went in the office with other guys and released the beast. I sneaked out of there and looked back in the office. The look on her face was priceless. It looked like she sucked on a lemon (not to mention all the other people in the office). You could see them trying to figure out who was the stinky one. Mission ACCOMPLISHED.

By: The Dangerous Mabry

The Dangerous Mabry — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:51:30 +0000

I’ve been told that he who denied it, supplied it.

By: stlouis1baseball

stlouis1baseball — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:50:35 +0000

Or…the smeller’s the feller.’
They both work wonderfully…along with “he who smelt it dealt it” of course.

By: stlouis1baseball

stlouis1baseball — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:48:58 +0000

“I’d be lying if I said I’ve never engaged the window locks while driving a car with passengers before farting. The reaction when they realize they’re completely helpless and cannot roll the windows down is priceless everytime.”

With you 100% Kopy!
As I am sure you can imagine…the Wife and kids are huge fans of this.
I usually only keep the windows locked for 5 minutes or so.
For added fun…I sometimes turn the heater all the way up.

By: proudlycanadian

proudlycanadian — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:47:45 +0000

No comment!

By: stlouis1baseball

stlouis1baseball — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:46:12 +0000

He who accuses blows the fuses…

By: cur68

cur68 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:28:38 +0000

What kind of inhuman monster wouldn’t laugh?

Fact: Not laughing at a good fart joke/story is a sure sign of a zombie.

By: number42is1

number42is1 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:22:51 +0000

Kopy – that is totally different.. doing it to ppl you know is not the same as dropping ass in an enclosed space of strangers and then watching them suffer (on purpose). the next step from there is killing puppies to se what happens and.. well.. we all know what happens from there.

By: historiophiliac

historiophiliac — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:21:11 +0000

I’m ashamed that I laughed at this thread.

By: kopy

kopy — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:15:10 +0000

I’d be lying if I said I’ve never engaged the window locks while driving a car with passengers before farting. The reaction when they realize they’re completely helpless and cannot roll the windows down is priceless everytime.

I usually only laugh for a few seconds before releasing the locks. I’m too nice of a person sometimes.

By: JB (the original)

JB (the original) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:56:14 +0000

Then there’s the person who suddenly gets up, looks around nervously, and skitters to the can like Peg Bundy; That was no ordinary fart, that was a shart.

By: JB (the original)

JB (the original) — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:52:26 +0000

In lines, you just have to keep a close eye for the person shaking their leg to let it escape.

By: abaird2012

abaird2012 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:52:00 +0000

Which “stuff ” does he mean?

By: jjh1982

jjh1982 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:37:30 +0000

All this talk about farting makes me want to go poop!

By: cur68

cur68 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:29:10 +0000

Really? The best? Shucks. Thank you. (However, I’d hoped to make so much more out of my life than a really good fart joke. Oh well.)

As for “iPhart”, it’s in the urban dictionary already. I bet a fart mimicking APP would probably sell real well, though (you can have that one: I don’t want my name attached to it in any way).

Actual PCR analyses in an iPhone, though? Yeah, not likely soon. Still, if you wanted a “pretend” one may I suggest maybe a tricorder sound while its running? You’ll definitely freak out some people.

By: paperlions

paperlions — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:20:19 +0000

“Morrow’s stuff is filthy”….therefore the “smelt it dealt it strategy”

By: psuravens19

psuravens19 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:16:03 +0000

This most certainly could be a Seinfeld episode.

By: sabatimus

sabatimus — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:14:24 +0000

This way, in case there’s an accident, they can float around the North Atlantic for several days clinging to a pillow full of beer farts (George Carlin paraphrase).

By: psuravens19

psuravens19 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:14:04 +0000

This might be the greatest response to a blog in the history of blogs! You should definitely be looking to trademark iPhart.

By: cur68

cur68 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:10:33 +0000

Agree. The dreaded “Dutch Oven”.

My younger brother had a technique he perfected that was a proto-Dutch Oven. He called it “The Baked Potato”. He come in your room, ease one out, then leap out the door and lean on it. You’d be forced into two courses of action: either sit there and take the heat or head for the door, stand “in the zone” and attempt to get the door open. Depending on his diet that day, neither option was particularly good.

By: cur68

cur68 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:05:28 +0000

How can anyone be expected to make an intelligent comment about this topic

I did my best. / hangs head in shame

By: number42is1

number42is1 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:05:22 +0000

Elevators are the worse.. especially when the motherfuc*er decides to drop it as he LEAVES the elevator and you are going up to the 87th floor.

By: number42is1

number42is1 — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 19:04:33 +0000

Ill take that bet. JJ or Dickey