Skip to content

HBT After Dark

Feb 19, 2013, 4:47 AM EDT

Nyjer Morgan

3:30 AM: Cat wakes me up, meowing outside the bedroom door. It’s been two months since he’s been exiled from the bedroom for being a jerk, and for a long time he was cool about it, but now every other day he meows out there a lot. He won’t stop this time.

3:45 AM: Out of bed. Begin the six stages of being awake before 4AM (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, Twitter reading)

4:28 AM: Give up any hope of sleeping. Turn on coffee pot.

4:36 AM: Read a tweet from @yakyunightowl suggesting I look at Nyjer Morgan’s Twitter feed. It is mid-afternoon in Japan, and Morgan is at an elementary school. 800 kids are making “little Ts” which I think stand for “Tony Plush.”


4:46 AM: Post this thing. Figure it’s gonna be a long day. May as well start it randomly.

  1. kiwicricket - Feb 19, 2013 at 5:06 AM

    Coffee pod machines are the way forward. Simple, easy and delicious. I truly wish more things came in ‘pod’ form….Steak, fruit, alcohol…..women…..

    PS get a dog/spend less time on twitter

    • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:52 AM

      Hmmm, I don’t think I’d care for a pod dude.

    • larrytsg - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:03 AM

      “get a dog/spend less time on twitter”

      unless you have MY dog… I love this little tiny 11 year old dachshund, but she gets up around 4:00 almost every morning, and occasionally that’s it for the day. So we get up, spark up the computer (it’s good to work from home), and I start my day and she goes back to sleep.

      • indaburg - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:03 AM

        Doxies are a great breed. All the bravado and hunting prowess of a large dog in a small package. Best dog I ever had was one.

        My experience with dachshunds has been the opposite. I usually have to kick them out of bed in the morning like a kid who doesn’t want to get up to go to school. They hunker down under the blanket, seemingly clutching it.

  2. deep64blue - Feb 19, 2013 at 5:07 AM

    lol – very cool, very bizarre

    Oh and the cat has to go, sleep is important!

  3. Walk - Feb 19, 2013 at 5:53 AM

    Funny enough my girlfriends cats decided to let me and my dog have free run of the house and exiled themselves to the yard and garage early on. Might want to look into getting a dog. Keeping my dog was an easy win for me, been my partner since 2003 and recently retired so he just has that look when a nameless someone tries to send him to solitary and let the cats in.

  4. unclemosesgreen - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:02 AM

    I grew up in an old house with many cats. Maybe you have a smaller, delicious animal living in or passing through your room. That happens.

    Which reminds me, what now, 41 days until “And That Happened”.

  5. iclight79 - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:07 AM

    Dogs are OK, cats are superior animals though and despite this hiccup for you they are still far less maintenance. Whatever you do though, don’t give in. Cats are stubborn, he might do this for a while, but eventually he will quit. You give in though and every thing that cat wants from now on he will meow about for hours on end until you eventually give in again.

    • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:56 AM

      If cats are so superior, why couldn’t it let itself in? My dog could get doors open. (and she was a bed hog!)

    • sportsdrenched - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:00 AM

      Here, here. The Cat might have been an annoyance this time. But as far as overall time commitment, cats are less maintenance.

      Dogs are fun if they’re someone elses.

      • paperlions - Feb 19, 2013 at 11:16 AM

        Cats. The animal for people that don’t like animals.

      • professormaddog31 - Feb 19, 2013 at 12:21 PM

        I like animals, the same way I like people. Sparingly, and on my own terms. Cats are great because you can pet them, love them, and then they are like “Peace out bro” and run off to a corner or a pillow and sleep for six hours while you live your life.

        No going out in negative wind chills to walk a cat, always a plus.

  6. flosox - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:13 AM

    Craig, buddy, you just described the last 14 months of my life in almost exact detail…just change cat to baby and Twitter to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!

    • Craig Calcaterra - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:15 AM

      To be fair, that was my exact life from 2004 through 2007 or so.

    • Alex K - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:03 AM

      Ugh. That is my life to a tee. I hear the hot dog song in my dreams.

      • indaburg - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:04 AM

        The only thing that makes it tolerable is that I like They May Be Giants.

      • Francisco (FC) - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:21 AM

        Ugh. That is my life to a tee. I hear the hot dog song in my dreams.
        Dagnabbit! You just made it start again in my head!

      • flosox - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:33 AM

        Ah, yes….the Hot Dog dance. Good times!! My daughter lights up like the 4th of July when that song comes on; worth every minute of sleep i’ll never see again!

        On a baseball related note, going to try taking her to her first Spring game this year. We’ll see…

      • stlouis1baseball - Feb 19, 2013 at 11:30 AM

        Hot dog…hot dog…hot diggitty dog!

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 12:36 PM

        I feel like I should gloat here…

  7. 2077james - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:28 AM

    Read this somewhere online recently: dogs have masters, cats have slaves. Got to treat the cat with more respect.

  8. ningenito78 - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:30 AM

    Bro just shoot the cat and turn in that ancient coffee pot for a Keurig.

  9. sophiethegreatdane - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:33 AM

    Why people put up with such boorish behavior from cats is beyond me. Here’s what Sophie the Great Dane would do: every time that sneaky critter wakes you up at 3:30 am, pour a glass of water smack on its head. Just keep it on your bedside table. Train that varmint to understand that waking you up equals glass of water to the head.

    That cat will figure it out pretty quickly. Yeah, you’ll have to wipe up some water in the AM, but you’ll fall fast asleep again with a grin.

    This whole “cats have slaves” things is ridiculous. Even lawyers are further up the food chain than common house cats. Hard to believe, I know. Start acting like the dominant animal before that thing camps out on your chest one night and sucks the life force from your very being.


    • chadjones27 - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:45 AM

      I’m going to try that glass of water technique with my wife. Everytime she drones on endlessly about some inane topic, glass of water on the head. Although, she’d probably follow that up with a swift kick to my netheryeaya. Then I’d be trained to understand that a glass of water equals a kick to the tenders. Probably wouldn’t be able to order a glass at a restaurant without cringing.
      On second thought, I don’t think I’ll do that.

  10. jayscarpa - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:01 AM

    I do not need an alarm, I have 2 cats that want to be fed promptly at 5AM. Good on weekdays, not so much on weekends.

    Nice picture. Morgan will be loved in the land of the rising sun.

  11. indaburg - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:48 AM

    And that sir, is reason #1 dogs are better than cats. Cats are nocturnal. I am not. Neither are dogs. Anyone who comes between sleep and me will face my wrath.

    • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:26 AM

      I’m a little afraid of you.

      • indaburg - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:45 AM

        Nah. I’m a harmless liberal wuss. My wrath is a stern look or strongly worded letters.

      • Francisco (FC) - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:09 AM

        My wrath is a stern look or strongly worded letters.

        But with TRIPLE WORD score so beware bitches!!!!

  12. dluxxx - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:08 AM

    We had a similar problem with our cat. I invested $20 in a Ssscat. Basically a motion sensor connected to a can of compressed air. Set it up in front of your door. Cat comes by it and BAM! Get’s hit with compressed air, runs like hell and stops coming around your door in the middle of the night. It won’t hurt it, just scare it.

    Just don’t have a coronary when you wake up to take a leak in the middle of the night and get hit yourself.

    • chadjones27 - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:48 AM

      I’m kind of picturing this happen:
      Wake up in the middle of the night to take leak. Get hit with compressed air. Get the living bejesus scared out of you. Pee yourself. Go back to bed, wet.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 1:57 PM

        Wife kicks you out again…

  13. eagles512 - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    Cats are the worst

    • salvomania - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:51 AM

      Either cats, or nazi child molesters.

  14. scotttheskeptic - Feb 19, 2013 at 1:52 PM

    58 minutes before the coffee pot is on? C’mon Craig, ya gotta run out those grounders.

Leave Comment

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Not a member? Register now!

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. G. Stanton (2708)
  2. C. Correa (2639)
  3. H. Ramirez (2629)
  4. G. Springer (2626)
  5. B. Crawford (2414)
  1. M. Teixeira (2398)
  2. H. Pence (2343)
  3. J. Baez (2325)
  4. J. Hamilton (2251)
  5. Y. Puig (2228)