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Take a photo tour of A-Rod’s $38 million Miami home

Feb 19, 2013, 5:41 PM EDT

A-Rod living room

This is from last year — I just saw it linked over at Baseball Think Factory — but A-Rod is currently selling it, you know. And you’d be silly to make an offer on it before at least seeing it in all of its cold, antiseptic and arguably soulless glory.

The best comment in the BTF thread comes from AG#1F, who says “Probably needs a new hot water heater though since his can’t handle too much pressure.”  I have faith that some of you can do better than that, though.

  1. cur68 - Feb 19, 2013 at 5:57 PM

    Its like the architect and interior design people modelled it all out of 1980’s era Lego. Its just square stuff stacked up. It looks just as comfy as a lego house.

    • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:02 PM

      This is why I would never really want to be rich. Their houses are like show homes. Yuck.

      • indaburg - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:27 PM

        I am not rich, but I would be up to the challenge of proving that a rich person’s home doesn’t have to look like a show home.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:54 PM

        More power to you then.

      • indaburg - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:36 PM

        My house would probably be overrun by the animals I’ve rescued. The only thing that limits me now is financing and some modicum of sanity. And yes, I could keep a modest house and fund research for a number diseases. Come on, just give me the money and let me prove it.

      • tfbuckfutter - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:01 PM

        If I was rich my house would look like Pee Wee’s from Big Adventure….

        Complete with the giant kitchen table to make me feel like a kid.

        Although I’d also have Francis’ bathroom.

      • mianfr - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:21 PM

        I hate these comments. Is turning your home into a show home part of the agreement when you become rich? Is there no way you could just choose not to do that and instead give the money that would have gone into unnecessary furnishings and interior design to a place researching a cure for cancer?

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:24 PM

        No. The American Dream is to get rich — not cure cancer.

      • mianfr - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:27 PM

        Maybe on the whole, but you’re missing the point about free will in all of this…

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:41 PM

        Ok then, let’s take a poll of all the rich athletes out there and see how many live in small houses and fund cancer research.

      • hockeyflow33 - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:09 PM

        I guarantee Arod donates more to charity in a year than you do in an entire lifetime.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:13 PM

        Probably so. I’m sure he’s a generous centaur.

      • hockeyflow33 - Feb 20, 2013 at 1:31 AM

        I despise Arod but to act like people can only spend X amount of dollars before they’re declared horrible people for buying whatever useless crap they want is ridiculous. It makes you sound like a petulant child.

      • cur68 - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:17 PM

        Regardless of what ARod does with his money, there is no doubt that he doesn’t spend it on a tasteful or inviting home. I’m unsurprised he’s selling it. He probably hated it there: it is utterly free of charm. Damn thing offends me on so many levels. Its soulless, without a trace of personality, and as inviting as an anaesthesiologists’ bedside manner.

        With all that dough you’d think he’d have, if only by accident, some trace of a person with feelings or a desire to be different in some way from anyone else. Instead what you have is an Ode To Banality with a soupçon of autism.

      • mianfr - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:15 PM

        Why are you trying to project other people’s difficulty being generous with money onto the struggles you might face? One has no bearing on the other.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:18 PM

        I face no such struggles, but thanks for the concern.

      • mianfr - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:58 PM

        All I’m getting from this is that you’re too dense to make this kind of money anyway without some type of exceptional athletic ability, so I guess it’s neither here nor there about wealth and donations.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 11:00 PM

        Yes, it couldn’t possibly be that I’m just not interested in being wealthy. That would be crazy.

      • mianfr - Feb 19, 2013 at 11:11 PM

        That doesn’t at all counter what I said.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 11:32 PM

        Hmmm, perhaps you are one of those people who think conversations all take place on the surface and you have missed what I have indirectly said to you.

      • mianfr - Feb 19, 2013 at 11:37 PM

        I don’t think you’re smart enough to layer a conversation like you think you did.

      • cur68 - Feb 19, 2013 at 11:11 PM

        mian, if you’re getting that ‘philliac is dense I’m getting that you’re reading comprehension isn’t any screaming heck.

      • mianfr - Feb 19, 2013 at 11:56 PM

        cur68, don’t try to talk down to others because you used a thesaurus for your last post. You wouldn’t use “soupçon”, cedilla and all, and autism in the same sentence unless you did. That’s just overwriting for the sake of trying to imply that you’re smarter than you are, which I guess happens on the internet, but don’t talk down to another person, especially me, because you feel all high and mighty that you learned what banal means.

      • cur68 - Feb 20, 2013 at 1:40 AM

        Ha ha! You such a genius mianfr! There I was: all worried because I used “you’re” instead of “your” in my rather mild support of my friend, ‘phiiliac. I thought THAT’S what you’d call me on. YOU DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE IT! rofl

        Instead (and I can hardly believe this is true) you elect to read a comment of mine here and pick out some odd words I tossed out there (correctly used, I might add adjusts monocle, sneers) and climb from your soapbox to your high horse to tell me off.

        Well. Golly. Gee whizz and heck. Shucks. And so forth. I am indeed chastised for I have dared to side with the nice lady over you. Shuckeedarn. And so forth.

        Pardon me while I fail to be impressed with you. I actually thought you had a point with your “free will” argument and was staying out of it. But then you got all ad hominem there. ‘Philliac is too nice to get into a slanging match with you. I think she thinks if you roll around with pigs you’ll get to smell like them and the pigs like it so you can’t win.

        Personally, I don’t mind pig wrestling. My people were farmers. We ate the fucking pig for dinner in the end.

        Anyhoo, nice making your acquaintance. Don’t be a stranger here on HBT. I look forward to hearing more from you.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 20, 2013 at 7:41 AM

        Oh, put your shirt on and quite trying to impress a replacement level troll.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 20, 2013 at 7:46 AM

        PS Soups on? How did I miss the dinner bell? Rats.

    • indaburg - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:47 PM

      It is as barren and soulless as he appears to be. I have never seen a fireplace look so cold and uninviting. The best thing about it is the view.

      • cur68 - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:53 PM

        Good point about the view. With that considered, I’m even more unimpressed. In fact, I am staggered that an architect and interior decorator could take in the view and then produce that house. The motto on their business card should be “We Suck At This”. Jeez.

    • sirrealrainman - Feb 20, 2013 at 5:13 PM

      Yea, looks like something out of GTA Vice City.

  2. historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 5:59 PM

    Hello. My name is Sammy Sosa. See my ochre sweater? Can I interest you in a tour of the lovely Miami home of my good friend Al Rodriguez? #realsammysosa

  3. andreweac - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:06 PM

    If a family member is currently undergoing chemo there is a room, built in a patient-friendly atmosphere, for any of your infusion needs.

  4. crankyfrankie - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:06 PM

    I think Babylon 5 will launch before I could afford this house and I’d have to give up eating and stuff. That being said it makes a hospital OR seem cozy.

  5. kiwicricket - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:11 PM

    Would of thought the Centaur painting would be a major selling point.
    I hope he has a doorman, flag opening that thing yourself.

    Reminds me of fancy hotels in Bali.

    • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:02 PM

      I see you have a taste for art, my friend. As a special gift, my good friend and fellow sweater-wearer, Al Rodriguez, would like to include this lovely painting — along with signed authentication from him — in the sale, if you are interested in a closing date in October. #realsammysosa

  6. dangernearing - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:18 PM

    I’d use ‘Roids to live in a place like that.

  7. cosanostra71 - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:21 PM

    The movie theater and pool look pretty sweet. Not a bad place to live.

  8. vanmorrissey - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:41 PM

    Jeez, for $38 mill you’d think it would at least have some character. Like you state Craig, completely antiseptic kind of like it’s owner!

    • cur68 - Feb 19, 2013 at 6:58 PM

      Its a home that’s free of chance taking. It hasn’t a shred of personality or a sense of style. The entrance looks like a cheap clothing shop’s.

      All that money. So little taste.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:15 PM

        Oh, is that what PEDs do — numb your sense of taste?

      • cur68 - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:58 PM

        Either that or cause autism. If a child drew up a house to look like ARods symmetrical block catastrophe I’d immediately suspect autism and look for other symptoms.

  9. Charles Gates - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:22 PM

    ARod’s home has quite the square footage total but is completely lacking in character. Also, people think the thermostat doesn’t seem to work in autumn, but careful measurements show that is does.

  10. mrfloydpink - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:33 PM

    I bet he’s not there much in October. He usually has trouble finding his way home during that month.

  11. escapingexile - Feb 19, 2013 at 7:52 PM

    Look kids… If you watch closely, at high tide you might catch a glimpse of Alex’s career washing up.

  12. ditto65 - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:31 PM

    Did non of you notice the word “contemporary” in the description? I don’t think a moose head or 19th century Old West saloon bar back would fit the purpose of the architecture.

  13. Marty - Feb 19, 2013 at 8:34 PM

    Looks like a Michael Mann movie set. In fact I’d say this is the taste of a 16 year old from 1985 who worshipped Miami Vice.

  14. donniev77 - Feb 19, 2013 at 9:40 PM

    Nothing shows off the HD theater room like a black and white movie from the 40’s. He should put on his swimmies to show off the pool

  15. randygnyc - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:41 PM

    As someone who has made a living in NYC for over 25 years marketing and selling multimillion dollar condos, I’m surprised no one mentioned why this house looks like a show place. Because its been intentionally staged that way. It’s not coincidence that you don’t see any personal affects of Arods. In fact, I’d venture to guess that he no longer lives there and the furniture isn’t his, but rather, is rented.

    • badintent - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:33 AM

      Thank you. From one New Yorker to another, only we have the brains to figure that much out. The rest have to watch House Hunters . And look at their failed Wonderlic tests scores.
      But I wonder, does his ex-wife also have a home on Key Biscayne near his ?? I know that view of downtown and the bridge well. Me and the good old boys back in the day had a friend that had a client with several Cigarette boats on the Key………………………………………………

  16. 700levelvet - Feb 19, 2013 at 10:42 PM

    The house that juice built….

  17. nbjays - Feb 20, 2013 at 8:07 AM

    It might be a nice enough place if it didn’t look so much like someone ransacked an Ikea store to furnish it. Soulless is too mild an adjective, I’m thinking.

  18. sportsdrenched - Feb 20, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    I bet Raul Ibanez could hit a home run in that house as a house-sitter.

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