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Joba Chamberlain is here in his van to pick up your daughter

Feb 20, 2013, 2:00 PM EDT

“Is Caitlin ready, Mr. Stevenson? Our reservation is at 7.”

[Mr. Stevenson cocks shotgun, Mrs. Stevenson faints]

source: Getty Images

 

David Price told Jon Morosi that he wouldn’t sign a long term contract with the Yankees due to their draconian facial hair rules. If they do have draconian facial hair rules, it’s only because they have to combat the foul facial hair urges of Joba Chamberlain.

  1. number42is1 - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    CANNOT BE UNSEEN!

    • amartland - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:24 PM

      shouldn’t there be a NSFW tag? Or something? At the very least one of those mind-blanker-outter things from Men in Black

      • indaburg - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:29 PM

        Not safe for work? This is not safe anywhere at any time.

        All I want to know is… why, Craig? We’re loyal readers. This is just cruel.

      • cur68 - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:32 PM

        why, Craig? We’re loyal readers. This is just cruel

        He’s really Lex Luthor: I keeps tellin’ ya!

  2. cur68 - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    ChristOnnaCrutch. Pass the eye-bleach, Martha!

    • historiophiliac - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:18 PM

      Clearly, after eating biscuits w/ honey, he wiped his mouth with the nearest towel — which happened to be the one his wife just used when washing the dog.

      • cur68 - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:22 PM

        Its the look on his face that completes that moustache. Its a look that says “I’m cool as shit and my moustache is BOSS.” Stick the hat at quarter past 2PM with that flat, goofy brim and you got this: the poster boy for Mother’s Against Pervs Dating Daughters (MAPDD). Jeez.

      • historiophiliac - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:31 PM

        I thought Tipper Gore made it so that sh!t had to come with a warning sticker.

        (BTW, I promised to lay off the booing today, so take advantage of your brief chance to parade around in the BSOYM without fear of harassment.)

      • indaburg - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:36 PM

        /booooooo

      • historiophiliac - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:51 PM

        Et tu, Burgie?

  3. shaggylocks - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    David Price has got a point. When do the Yankees think this is, 1972?

  4. vallewho - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:07 PM

    Not what I expected…

  5. skerney - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:13 PM

    Mattingly! I thought I told you to shave those sideburns!

  6. fanofevilempire - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:13 PM

    now that is a stache……………..

    not for me but that is bad ass.

    he looks like a 70’s porn star.

    • historiophiliac - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:19 PM

      That little catepillar is guaranteed to turn OFF the ladies.

      • stlouis1baseball - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:43 PM

        No shit. As my Father used to say…put some milk on it and let the cat lick it off.
        Cause’ dude can’t grow a stache to save his life. It looks like he hasn’t quite started puberty yet.

  7. anxovies - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:36 PM

    Wow. That one is worse than the shot taken of him when he was arrested for DUI. And he had a beard in that one.

    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/celebrity/sports/joba-chamberlain

  8. cowboysoldiertx - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:39 PM

    Does he also live down by the river in that van?

  9. anxovies - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:42 PM

    His mom’s mugshot is worse, though.

    http://www.postchronicle.com/cgi-bin/artman/exec/view.cgi?archive=136&num=228229

  10. sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:46 PM

    JOba did come up during Giambi’s tenure with the Yankees. I wonder if he inherited the Golden Thong as well.

  11. pooinyourface - Feb 20, 2013 at 2:56 PM

    I AM A NEW YORK YANKEE!!!!!!!

  12. uwsptke - Feb 20, 2013 at 3:04 PM

    He looks like officer Rod Farva from Super Troopers.

    “Say car Ram-Rod!”

  13. Old Gator - Feb 20, 2013 at 3:07 PM

    I’m OK with his van. I just want him to leave his goddamned trampoline in the garage.

  14. tfbuckfutter - Feb 20, 2013 at 3:19 PM

    Does his van say “Free Candy” on the side?

    • fanofevilempire - Feb 20, 2013 at 5:05 PM

      gas, grass or ass no one rides free..

    • Old Gator - Feb 20, 2013 at 5:27 PM

      I think it says “Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies.”

  15. The Dangerous Mabry - Feb 20, 2013 at 4:01 PM

    The Yankees are going to have to give him a foam-front, mesh-back hat if he’s going to keep walking around with that thing on his face.

  16. mazblast - Feb 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM

    Geez, I could grow a better mustache than that when I was 17. Maybe when I was 15.

    It looks like those a-few-days’-growth looks we see on movie “stars” and guys like Tony Romo who are more concerned with their looks than their production. Grow it or shave it, stop with the in-between!

  17. airedale1950 - Feb 20, 2013 at 7:52 PM

    You’d think the Yanks would buy the guy a mirror. …and then have him look real hard at the cardboard hat he insists on wearing. The hat alone makes him look like a dork and a gangsta wanna-be…now with the bad cartoon mustache he looks like a hispanic gangsta wanna-be.

  18. brewcrewfan54 - Feb 20, 2013 at 8:48 PM

    That’s the porniest pornstache ever.

  19. albertmn - Feb 21, 2013 at 9:12 AM

    I understand that Craig wants to dig at both the Yankees and Joba, but the last line of his post makes no sense. Mustaches are allowed by the Yankees. Their rules won’t combat this poor choice at all. In fact, a full beard could not be worse than this.

    “If they do have draconian facial hair rules, it’s only because they have to combat the foul facial hair urges of Joba Chamberlain.”

  20. airedale1950 - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:36 PM

    Most guys with facial hair look like asses to begin with. Couple that with the reality of playing baseball in the confined space of an enclosed stadium on a humid hot muggy day or evening in June July and August and it begs the question what for? Along with PED test MLB should give guys with beards psychological testing as well.
    There can be no upside to facial hair.

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