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Go read Pat Jordan’s fantastic spring training piece

Feb 21, 2013, 12:31 PM EDT

Pat Jordan

It’s simply marvelous. And does more to make me want baseball to begin than 500 crappy batting practice pictures from beat writers’ iPhones:

It was the first time I was ever in bed with a woman and the first time I ever saw a woman naked. But I guess I did all right. Sex was like baseball. You didn’t have to think too much. You just did it, which maybe would have helped me in my career if I’d had the same attitude toward pitching that I had that night toward having sex with Dotty Johnson in her bed.

There’s great stuff about Hank Aaron, Warren Spahn and Joe Torre in there too, but I figured I’d tease it with Dotty Johnson.

  1. historiophiliac - Feb 21, 2013 at 12:37 PM


    • El Bravo - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:12 PM

      ahahahhahaha, i thought this too for some reason.

      • Old Gator - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:37 PM

        I don’t want to read about Pat Jordan in bed with Hank Aaron, Warren Spahn or Joe Torre. Mishima’s Forbidden Colors was quite enough, thank you.

        But thanks for offering.

      • cur68 - Feb 21, 2013 at 2:03 PM

        You should read it, Gator. He gets into a fight with Torre, watches Spahn pitch like a god, and has to pitch around Aaron. All that and he has sex with Dottie, too. Its pretty good.

      • Old Gator - Feb 22, 2013 at 12:24 AM

        Heh – I dead read it. Just needed to get in my morning snark with my cup of shade-grown in volcanic soil Galapagos coffee.

  2. misterfrump - Feb 21, 2013 at 12:40 PM

    Nope, the best first time sex metaphore comes from CJ Ramone, when describing his first ever concert with the Ramones

    “My first show with the Ramones was like the first time I had sex: I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing and just wanted to get it over with”.

    • historiophiliac - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:29 PM

      She was a lucky, lucky girl.

  3. El Bravo - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:07 PM

    Nice read indeed. In other news, why the f@ck aren’t I in Florida or Arizona right now???

    • cur68 - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:09 PM

      Its snowing in Arizona. You’d be better off in Florida.

      • El Bravo - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:11 PM

        AZ snow? That’s as fleeting as my chances of getting a date with Rihanna. I’d take that over Chitown weather between Jan-Apr any day of the week!

  4. churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:15 PM

    Is this the same Pat Jordan who wrote that shit article about growing up a Yankee fan for sbnation last year? Yeah, I’ll pass.

    • dlf9 - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:45 PM

      It is the same Pat Jordan who wrote the beautiful ballplayer memoir “False Spring” about being a hotshot phenom who failed. If you like baseball, find a copy. It is the same Pat Jordan who has written about everyone from Steve Garvey to Tom Seaver to Wilt Chamberlain to Marilyn Chambers. If you like good writing, take 30 minutes to skim through nearly any of his articles saved here:

      • APBA Guy - Feb 21, 2013 at 1:51 PM

        Whoa. Thanks for the link!

      • churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Feb 21, 2013 at 2:59 PM

        Here’s the problem. That Yankee article I referenced was so bad, it’s going to be in the back of my head the entire time I read this one. I may give it a shot later, but the whole time I’m going to be wondering why he wrote that hatchet job last year.

        I’m the same way with Matt Taibbi. After his shit article about Cashman a few years back everything he writes for Rolling Stone that gets great praise still has me wondering why he printed such idiocy in his Cashman article.

      • ncpolister - Feb 21, 2013 at 4:35 PM

        SO true dlf9…one of my favorite writers and this article only confirms that…also read his more recent, “follow up” to “False Spring” if you will, “A Nice Tuesday” about his efforts to pitch again at the age of 56…

      • pjmitch - Feb 21, 2013 at 7:30 PM

        I read “A False Spring” about 40 years ago when I was a teenager and it’s still one of the best baseball books I have ever read. I agree, find a copy!!!

  5. stlouis1baseball - Feb 21, 2013 at 3:22 PM

    Great read Craig. Thanks for the link.

  6. anxovies - Feb 21, 2013 at 6:59 PM

    So that’s what Dottie was doing?! She told me she was visiting her mother. Damn you, Pat Jordan, I’m going to hunt you down like a dog.

  7. gregbeau - Feb 21, 2013 at 7:14 PM

    It’s really odd… I remember his early work appearing in SI and his book coming out way back then. Everybody raved about his work. I never could warm up to it. There is something about his writing style that is a turn off for me. Can’t put my finger on exactly what it is, but it’s probably related to the tone and attitude he projects, and as a result his work is basically unreadable for me and always has been.

  8. officialgame - Feb 21, 2013 at 9:24 PM

    I come from the same era that produced pitchers like Spahn and Marichel which makes it very hard to understand a decision to shut down a Strassberg in the midst of a World Series run. Unfathomable back in the day when writers were writers and pitchers pitched.

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