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Wanna buy Andruw Jones’ house?

Mar 4, 2013, 3:03 PM EDT

Andruw Jones House

You may not think just under $5 million is any kind of a bargain, but it is 25,000 square feet, so your money really is going a long, bloated, way:

Sited on a prime 2-acre lot with world class views, Jones’ home is described in the listing as “The ULTIMATE in LUXURY.” In most cases, this type of hyperbole would be brushed off as just your run-of-the-mill broker babble. However, when you consider the sheer size of Jones’ home (it’s huge; has 9 bedrooms and 15 bathrooms) and it’s laundry list of fine features (indoor basketball court, elevator, indoor resistance pool, sauna, indoor batting cage, double waterfall, etc.), it’s quite clear this home is in a class of its own, or as the listing chimes, “For the buyer who wants the BEST of everything.”

Thing is, it used to be a lean and efficient house but it ballooned up to its current size over several years beginning in the mid-2000s.

No word on how much you’d have to pay to get all of the Andruw Jones-ness out of it before move-in, because that would definitely be needed.

  1. DelawarePhilliesFan - Mar 4, 2013 at 3:09 PM

    The Kitchen has a “Kiss the Cook” sign…..which is kinda creepy, ’cause I would imagine the cook is hired help

  2. randygnyc - Mar 4, 2013 at 3:10 PM

    Elevator? Last we heard, it certainly had stairs.

  3. heyblueyoustink - Mar 4, 2013 at 3:29 PM

    15 Bathrooms?!? “Not it” on that chore.

    • jwbiii - Mar 4, 2013 at 5:29 PM

      You’d have to go to Big Lots just to replenish your toilet paper supply. Let’s not even think about other bathroom cleaning supplies. . .

    • fanofevilempire - Mar 4, 2013 at 7:16 PM

      Darn it, I need a friggin house with at least 16 bathrooms, count
      me out. So close, the search continues.

      • jwbiii - Mar 4, 2013 at 7:50 PM

        Here ya go.
        The lot is kind of small, but the neighborhood has good schools. I promise not to tell Mike Hampton about it.

  4. jm91rs - Mar 4, 2013 at 3:36 PM

    I never have been able to understand why these expensive houses have more bathrooms than bedrooms. Do rich people have to go to the bathroom more often than us poor folk?

    • historiophiliac - Mar 4, 2013 at 3:41 PM


      Just because you want to cross >1000 square feet to go to the can doesn’t mean everyone else has to.

      • indaburg - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:27 PM

        But just think of the workout you could get on a daily basis just by taking trips to the bathroom. I’m all about multi-tasking.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:42 PM

        Well, you could just get an outhouse then, I guess.

      • indaburg - Mar 4, 2013 at 5:32 PM

        Too spooky at night.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 4, 2013 at 5:38 PM

        I know, right? You never know when some Canadian beaver is gonna sneak up on you unawares. They do that, the cowards.

      • indaburg - Mar 4, 2013 at 5:45 PM

        Nothing worse than a rabid beaver sinking its teeth into your arse as you innocently take a midnight leak. Sneaky bastards. Leaves a mighty scar too.

      • paperlions - Mar 4, 2013 at 6:04 PM

        I’ve always hoped a Canadian beaver would sneak up on me; truthfully, one wouldn’t have to sneak, it could slink, sashay, strut, glide, saunter, trundle, or waddle. Alas, it has not happened.

      • indaburg - Mar 4, 2013 at 6:32 PM

        A trundling or waddling beaver? Any form or size, huh? Very open-minded of you, ‘lions. Just be careful with her teeth.

      • jwbiii - Mar 4, 2013 at 8:20 PM

        I’ve never been approached by a Canadian beaver, but I would characterize the movements of a Washington state beaver as gliding in the water and waddling on land.

      • cur68 - Mar 4, 2013 at 11:51 PM

        Huh. Well this is a turn up for the books, and no mistake. I spend the day saving the lives of little babies and what do I find after my gruelling hours as a veritable angel of mercy? Slander! Slander and vile calumny about the noble giant rat of my homeland. Well. This is a fine how-do-you-do.

        I promise you decadent lot that if you had the good fortune to cross paths with any specimen of the Proud and Noble castor canadensis it would have been your good fortune. Also, I highly doubt that any beav in its right mind would have anything to do with your nasty ole outdoor privies. You are perfectly safe to enjoy your nocturnal peregrinations unmolested.

        With that said, I wouldn’t give tuppence for your chances if a bald eagle spied you. Can’t trust them carrion eaters.

        Now lay off my national animal or my people will be down there like a shot to sack your state capital gain. And this time we don’t stop till we’ve liberated Texas, instituted the DH, made evolutionary theory mandatory in schools, and provided a decent standard of healthcare for all. Oh, and we’ll confiscate all you automatic weapons, too.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 4, 2013 at 11:59 PM

        Yup, snuck up and bit me while I was unawares, dagnabit!

        /rubs heinie

    • APBA Guy - Mar 4, 2013 at 3:42 PM

      In those huge houses it’s a longer walk from one bathroom to the next.

    • stlouis1baseball - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:17 PM

      Wonderful question JM. I have often wondered why houses such as these have some many bathrooms. I mean…a bathroom for each bedroom? I can relate.
      A couple of additonal bathrooms…
      Maybe close to the living room, entertainment room and/or kitchen? Understood.
      But 15 bathrooms with “only 9” bedrooms?

    • fanofevilempire - Mar 4, 2013 at 7:17 PM

      has something to do with a mother in law.

    • jwbiii - Mar 4, 2013 at 9:59 PM

      Orgies. You’re assuming one or two people per bed and you’re right, that’s overkill. If you assume six, well that’s about right, don’t you think?

  5. streetskater1989 - Mar 4, 2013 at 3:54 PM


    • stlouis1baseball - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:14 PM

      In the skater world…is it common for people to shout with CAPS?

      • vanmorrissey - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:38 PM

        HAHAHA! Streetskater1989, what is that, a 24 year old who runs around with a skateboard under his arm who thinks he’s cool following cars? Wow.

  6. sgtr0c - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:00 PM

    I could fit 22.72 of my houses is his…..

  7. vallewho - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:09 PM

    Is his wife not taking it?

    • indaburg - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:15 PM

      She did file for divorce after he attacked her. I’m betting this sale probably has a lot to do with that.

      • jwbiii - Mar 4, 2013 at 8:31 PM

        Liquidating the large, expensive asset. It’s easier to split a pile of cash than to argue over who gets the $5M house and who gets an extra $5M in other stuff.

    • fanofevilempire - Mar 4, 2013 at 7:20 PM

      maybe he selling it with his wife.
      combo package.

  8. hotdogfinger - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:39 PM

    The basketball court looks pretty weak actually, be better off just playing in a driveway.

  9. bbk1000 - Mar 4, 2013 at 4:40 PM

    Wow….I remember quite a few times in which players coming up from the minors mentioned him as a role model…..

    Yea, he’s a role model….but for what?

    • jcmeyer10 - Mar 4, 2013 at 5:34 PM

      More of a cautionary tale at this point…

  10. tfbuckfutter - Mar 4, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    If I had $5,000,000 why in the hell would I want to live in Georgia?

    Oh, and also….what exactly is an “indoor resistance pool”? Does that mean it’s full of Jell-o? Because if so I’m in.

  11. Tim's Neighbor - Mar 4, 2013 at 6:58 PM

    They claim it was built in 1999, but there are rumors that it’s a few years older than that.

  12. officialgame - Mar 4, 2013 at 8:06 PM

    Sorry but for 5m I want an ocean front view.

    • mazblast - Mar 5, 2013 at 12:33 AM

      Those are in short supply in Atlanta.

  13. randygnyc - Mar 4, 2013 at 9:41 PM

    Tfbuck. A resistance pool is a small pool with water jets that create a strong current to swim in place. Think treadmill style exercise..

    • tfbuckfutter - Mar 4, 2013 at 10:36 PM

      Then I’m out again.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 4, 2013 at 11:51 PM


        Me too. I thought it was like swimming in a giant jello shot. Booo!!!

  14. badintent - Mar 5, 2013 at 1:29 AM

    I smell Gloria Allred. Lawyer bitch from hell coming hard and fast, just ask Shaq and the other 20 NBA players. It’s Hoe down time!

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