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Jordany Valdespin will henceforth wear a cup

Mar 13, 2013, 10:30 AM EDT

The fact that it takes a Justin Verlander fastball to the undercarriage to get one to do this makes me wonder about Jodany Valdespin’s priorities, but at least he has learned something from his horrible HBPiD the other day:


In other news, this picture is circulating on Reddit. I believe everything I see over there so I’m gonna assume it’s legit even though, because I can tell from the pixels and I have seen a lot of Photoshops in my day, the baseball looks somewhat fake.



Enjoy your nightmares, gentlemen.

  1. number42is1 - Mar 13, 2013 at 10:38 AM

    I’m fairly certain the name is now Jordana…..

  2. dowhatifeellike - Mar 13, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    Too late now. Unless he’s at increased risk of… bad stuff… if he takes another hit, I wouldn’t bother. The odds of that happening again to the same guy are pretty slim.

    • heyblueyoustink - Mar 13, 2013 at 11:03 AM

      Well, do what you feel like……

      Me personally, if i can prevent getting hit by lightning twice, you bet your ass i’m taking all precautions.

      • dowhatifeellike - Mar 13, 2013 at 12:42 PM

        If it wasn’t important enough to protect against the first time, why do it now? Needing a “wake up call” demonstrates a lack of foresight.

      • heyblueyoustink - Mar 13, 2013 at 1:19 PM

        And now, perhaps, damaged foreskin.

  3. proudlycanadian - Mar 13, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    That is now 4 posts about this ugly incident. How many more will there be from Craig on this topic? The under over is 3.

    • ajcardsfan - Mar 13, 2013 at 10:46 AM

      Remember his fascination with Andrelton Simmons last season? Same thing, 2013 edition

      On a side note, I wonder which is the more painful method of sterilization, a Verlander fastball or a vasectomy with no anethesia

      • dowhatifeellike - Mar 13, 2013 at 12:37 PM

        The vasectomy. Trust me on this.

  4. beefytrout - Mar 13, 2013 at 10:47 AM

    That’s exactly what a picture of someone getting blasted in the nutsack with a Verlander fastball would look like.

    • rocketsteadman - Mar 13, 2013 at 11:22 AM

      Yea really. Going back to Craig’s comment about the baseball looking fake…of course its going to be blurred, its coming in at 95mph!

      • dowhatifeellike - Mar 13, 2013 at 12:40 PM

        It’s possible to get good pictures of a baseball frozen in flight, but that shutter speed requires a lot of light. It looks like it was a cloudy day so the shutter was a little slow. Not surprised at all that it came out at little fuzzy.

  5. cur68 - Mar 13, 2013 at 11:04 AM

    That is THE most awful thing I will see today and I’m hanging around a hospital for the next few hours. Thanks for ruining my coffee break, Craig.

    *&!!@@# bloggers….

    • historiophiliac - Mar 13, 2013 at 1:22 PM

      Thank you, Craig, for our daily dose of HBPiD awesomeness. <3

      • cur68 - Mar 13, 2013 at 1:51 PM

        What the hell is that Tiger’s Soup of Awesome, anyways? Prairie oyster gumbo? Jeez. Verlander needs to get up from the training table a mite sooner. All that gonad soup has gotten to him. It’s like he was pitching to kill his next meal.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 13, 2013 at 2:28 PM

        Not sure, but I’m guessing it doesn’t have beaver…

  6. hisgirlgotburrelled - Mar 13, 2013 at 11:36 AM

    Yeah, but, any word of Justin Verlander not throwing at a batter’s D next time they square to bunt? That’s the bigger issue here. Justin Verlander: unethical dick shooter*?

    *south park reference

    • historiophiliac - Mar 13, 2013 at 12:25 PM

      The Dickslayer!

    • paperlions - Mar 13, 2013 at 1:37 PM

      Do you think they’ll start calling Verlander, Butters?

      It would seem like a ban on HBPiD would be in the written rules, some things are too important to leave unwritten.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 13, 2013 at 2:27 PM

        You mean too hilarious to be named.

  7. Alex K - Mar 13, 2013 at 11:37 AM


    • historiophiliac - Mar 13, 2013 at 12:24 PM

      Craig, please include this stat for Valdespin every time you mention him from now on! Please, please, please.

      • unclemosesgreen - Mar 13, 2013 at 5:05 PM

        That spreadsheet you keep at the office with all your male workmates’ stats – is it broken down daily, weekly, monthly or yearly? Of course there it’s probably KBHTiD, or Kicked by Historiophiliac toe in dick.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 13, 2013 at 5:14 PM

        It’s a wish list, really.

        I hope you gentlemen are enjoying my new gravatar. I picked a little something that’s bound to startle. :)

      • unclemosesgreen - Mar 13, 2013 at 6:09 PM

        I know Verlander’s image is roughly 1000% more frightening on a primal level after the Valdespin Incident.

        I just realized they are both J.V.’s – 2 men enter, only 1 leaves (with a functional dick.)

      • unclemosesgreen - Mar 13, 2013 at 7:52 PM

        It’s mutually assured revulsion with the gravatars until the “meat” ball thrower goes.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 13, 2013 at 9:12 PM

        You! A-hole!

      • unclemosesgreen - Mar 13, 2013 at 10:07 PM

        That’s me. A-ham-hole to you.

      • historiophiliac - Mar 13, 2013 at 10:11 PM

        If only Burr could’ve thrown like Verlander. Curses!

  8. unclemosesgreen - Mar 13, 2013 at 6:10 PM

    Valdespin wearing a cup now is like closing the barn door after the stallions have been mushed to a pulp by a Verlander fastball. Or something.

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