This has nothing to do with anything other than biding time until the friggin’ season starts already. Really, I think spring training has lasted nine weeks at this point.
Anyway: Dan Szymborski was apparently unable to sleep last night and he came up with something inspired:
Just once, I’d like to see a terrible team to simply start *declaring* wins and denouncing official standings as MLB propaganda.
— Dan Szymborski (@DSzymborski) March 19, 2013
Lose 11-0 to the Tigers?Send out a press release declaring that internal research revealed it was actually a 5-4 victory.
— Dan Szymborski (@DSzymborski) March 19, 2013
This is all in keeping with my desire to see more heel-turns and stuff in baseball. I mean, if we’re gonna create narratives for these games let’s emulate the master narrative-creators of the past century: professional wrestling producers and ministries of information for communist parties around the world.
Sorry. Real games begin soon.
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- cur68 - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:36 PM
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Can we bring back the Cuban Assassin, please? With the increasing prevalence of beards you could lose a chicken in I think the Cuban Assassin would do very well as a Minister of Propaganda style promoter. Finally, that bear’s pubis Wilson walks around with would have some meaning and relevance.
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- deathmonkey41 - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:44 PM
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They should talk to the current Administration for pointers!
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- jwbiii - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:53 PM
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Did they hire Karl “We create out own reality” Rove?
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- mreezybreezy - Mar 19, 2013 at 1:18 PM
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Oh boy!! Politics on a baseball blog… just the thing everyone visits this site for. I just wish someone would hurry up and create a website devoted to politics.
Wait? They have those? Damn….
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- dluxxx - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:47 PM
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Pitcher Strikeouts are ??? I just can’t read that last line… Anybody able to?
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- dluxxx - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:52 PM
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Also, I’d turn that into my desktop icon, but I think my coworker would think I went communitst. Probably wouldn’t play well with the folks I work with…
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- someguyinva - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:59 PM
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I believe it’s “decadent”.
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- dluxxx - Mar 19, 2013 at 1:02 PM
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I think I have it. “Pitcher Strikeouts are Decadent”. That’s awesome.
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- indaburg - Mar 19, 2013 at 1:35 PM
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They’re decadent, and fascist too.
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- chacochicken - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:50 PM
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Maybe Jeff Luhnow can hire the former Iraqi Information Minister…
Down 7-0 in the 8th and he says something like, “The tide is turning. Soon they will surrender or be destroyed in their dug out!”
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- darthicarus - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:51 PM
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Baghdad Bob is ready & willing to give post-game press conferences for any team that calls upon his services.
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- dowhatifeellike - Mar 19, 2013 at 12:51 PM
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ESPN already does this for certain teams.
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- mrfloydpink - Mar 19, 2013 at 1:05 PM
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Not to name names, but here’s a hint: Those teams’ names rhyme with Yew Nork Nankees and Roston Sed Box.
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- Kevin Gillman - Mar 19, 2013 at 1:05 PM
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Just wondering what kind of a heel would A-Rod be? Like a Randy Orton? Or a Mr. Perfect?
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- someguyinva - Mar 19, 2013 at 1:52 PM
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I’d go with Superstar Billy Graham, who had footage of his hip replacement surgery shown on (W)WWF TV once.
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- Kevin Gillman - Mar 19, 2013 at 2:07 PM
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Superstar is an interesting choice, but Graham has been open to his steroid use in the past, while A-Rod said he did it during one part of his life, and denies any other time. Which is why I can see him being the Randy Orton, telling us he is A-Rod, and we aren’t.
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- indaburg - Mar 19, 2013 at 1:34 PM
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I love that poster. I must have it. Imperialist Tigers. Damn straight.
Spring training has felt longer than that stupid royal pregnancy my co-workers chatter about.
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- buggieowens - Mar 19, 2013 at 3:14 PM
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Nice, Indaburg…you need to remind your co-workers that we fought a big war in the past that allowed us not to have to care about royalty.
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- indaburg - Mar 19, 2013 at 3:19 PM
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They’re hopeless. All things related to the royals get squeals. Chicks, man.
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- chaseutley - Mar 19, 2013 at 1:46 PM
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“Out of nowhere, Nolan Ryan hits the Texas Rangers with a piledriver and signs on to pitch with the Astros!”
