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Fernando Rodney’s Dominican plantain fraud!!

Mar 21, 2013, 12:30 PM EDT

When Fernando Rodney locked down the WBC semifinal game on Monday night he credited his lucky plantain which, it was reported, came in on an airplane from the Dominican Republic hours before the game. DO NOT BELIEVE FERNANDO RODNEY’S LIES:

Also: Topkin reports that Rodney will not have plantains with him during the regular season. They’re “WBC Plantains,” Rodney says. So, there’s that.

Meanwhile, Jon Paul Morosi is busy typing a column about how major league baseball pales in comparison thanks to the lack of plantains. Colin Cowherd says that Rodney tries much harder with his fruit during the WBC than he does for the Rays.

  1. darthicarus - Mar 21, 2013 at 12:37 PM

    This story is just bananas.

    • Old Gator - Mar 21, 2013 at 12:45 PM

      Plantains are not, strictly speaking, bananas. They’re related but quite different in size, flavor and versatility. I grow both in my yard and cook merrily with all of them. Banana walnut honey bran muffins? Coming right up….

      • albertmn - Mar 21, 2013 at 1:40 PM

        We know they are different. That doesn’t make the joke unfunny. But thanks for stepping all over someone else’s humor.

      • sabatimus - Mar 21, 2013 at 2:23 PM

        Never had a plantain. But I’ve heard that you should absolutely NOT eat them raw, for they are apparently unpleasantly starchy if not cooked.

  2. Old Gator - Mar 21, 2013 at 12:42 PM

    There is nothing fraudulent about my recipes, though. Welcome to the Republica Platinosa de Macondo, folks.

    Oh, and a quick tidbit – if I may call it that – about mofongo. You can use my mofongo recipe as a crust for a baked casserole. Press it into a chafing dish and bake until crisp. Fill with your favorite – I’ve made a killer jerked chicken pot pie that way – and bake again until bubbly. You could lay a thin crust of mafongo over the top of your casserole too. Doesn’t matter. All indulgence is of a piece.

    • heyblueyoustink - Mar 21, 2013 at 1:55 PM

      Mofongo, due to it’s versatility, is very kick ass.

  3. indaburg - Mar 21, 2013 at 12:53 PM

    MLB needs to investigate this. Someone needs to think of the children.

  4. professormaddog31 - Mar 21, 2013 at 12:56 PM

    If you can’t believe a man and his magic banana, who can you believe?

    /rimshot

    [Yes, I know a plantain isn't a banana.]

    • indaburg - Mar 21, 2013 at 12:59 PM

      My momma taught me to never believe a man and his magic banana.

  5. Detroit Michael - Mar 21, 2013 at 1:17 PM

    The plaintain has been treated with performance-enhancing drugs!

    Or at least there’s been no drug testing for the plaintain, so that’s going to be my working assumption.

  6. number42is1 - Mar 21, 2013 at 1:18 PM

    This is worse than Te’o

    • jwbiii - Mar 21, 2013 at 1:42 PM

      No, unlike Te’o, we have photographic evidence that Fernando has had a face to, uh, fruit meeting with the plantain.

      • jwbiii - Mar 21, 2013 at 7:23 PM

        This time tomorrow, I will be in Costa Rica, perhaps with a bowl of patacones (thick cut potato chips made from plantains) between me and my wife.

  7. proudlycanadian - Mar 21, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    If Mae West was still alive, she would have asked Rodney, “Is that a plantain you have in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”

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