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Thanks to Heath Bell, some couple is probably breaking up tonight

Apr 3, 2013, 1:01 AM EDT

Making his Diamondbacks debut, Heath Bell gave up two homers in the seventh inning Tuesday against the Cardinals. The first of them, coming off the bat of shortstop Pete Kozma, is most likely going to get this guy dumped after he bailed on his girlfriend with the ball coming down.

Jon Jay hit the second a couple of batters later. For all of his difficulties last year, Bell gave up just five homers in 63 2/3 innings for the Marlins. Of course, he was pitching half of the time in a great ballpark for pitchers then. Now he has Chase Field to contend with. He’s already 40 percent to last year’s homer total while having gotten just one out tonight.

GIF courtesy of Cork Gaines and

  1. kiwicricket - Apr 3, 2013 at 1:38 AM

    You are not a turtle and you do not have a shell.

    • Old Gator - Apr 3, 2013 at 7:02 PM

      Still and all, it’s nice to see Heath Bar Bell picking right up where he left off in Macondo.

  2. papalurchdxb - Apr 3, 2013 at 1:47 AM

    I’m pretty sure, judging by the little dance he was doing, that he was squealing like an 8 yr old girl too. Way to man-up dude.

    • cardinalcrazy - Apr 3, 2013 at 10:01 AM

      Question is, does he shave like a man. Use Barbasol.

    • zzalapski - Apr 3, 2013 at 1:01 PM

      Clearly, he was not gritty enough. How did he ever get into Chase Field?

  3. tuberippin - Apr 3, 2013 at 1:53 AM

    I don’t know that when the ball was coming towards her she looked at her boyfriend. She seems to be looking up at the ball until it starts dawning on her that it’s coming right at her, and then she ducks away and puts her hand over her face. I bet she sees the replay of this somewhere though.

    • 78mu - Apr 3, 2013 at 3:55 AM

      She’s thinking “this is Heath Bell pitching – the Heath Bell that is getting paid millions to get major league hitters out. And he’s pitching to Pete ‘I Almost Got Cut From The 40 Man Roster’ Kozma so odds are the ball won’t leave the infield much less reach…” THUNK!!!!!

  4. fusionix7 - Apr 3, 2013 at 2:02 AM

    That’s pathetic. It’s an easy catch to make and the dude bails. Instead of manning up he lets the ball hit her THEN shows concern after it hit her.

  5. djjackson81 - Apr 3, 2013 at 2:13 AM

    Delgado line one it’s KT. Day three call up Bell may be a bust.

  6. wwttww - Apr 3, 2013 at 2:23 AM

    Move b* get out tha way get out tha way

  7. 1943mrmojorisin1971 - Apr 3, 2013 at 2:33 AM

    Weak, dude. But still, that’s like a 450 ft. shot, they both had some time to prepare and they blew it. At least they can say they;’e inspired SC Top 10 lists for years and maybe decades to come.

    • jdd428 - Apr 3, 2013 at 4:16 AM

      They had to be thinking “Pete Kozma can’t hit a ball this far, even if it is Heath ‘Batting Practice’ Bell pitching” – so I am sure they were caught off guard.

  8. xxakshunxx - Apr 3, 2013 at 3:17 AM

    He wussed out but still doesn’t make up for her not being smart enough to move out of the way.. they clearly had the time and space to do so..

  9. spudchukar - Apr 3, 2013 at 6:59 AM

    Yes, it is only day two, but Kozma continues to impress. This was a bomb. The dude has pop. Who knows, perhaps he is just a late bloomer.

    • alexo0 - Apr 3, 2013 at 8:08 AM

      Ha. No, he’s not.

      Enjoy the rest of the season.

      • spudchukar - Apr 3, 2013 at 8:32 AM

        Envy is such an ugly emotion.

  10. paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 7:27 AM


    • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 7:46 AM

      Feels good, doesn’t it?

      • paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 7:46 AM


      • paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 7:59 AM

        Now, any time he does anything positive at all, I say “Kozma!” (complete with !), makes play on routine grounder – Kozma!; reaches on swinging bunt – Kozma!; 450 bomb off of Heath Bell – Kozma!

        And yes, it is fun.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 8:03 AM

        You’re such a negative N*ncy.

      • paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 11:20 AM

        I really don’t mean it to be negative….just reminding myself that he is contributing in a positive fashion, regardless of all of the silly talk about trading a lot of valuable assets for minor upgrades, if they would be upgrades at all (like A. Cabrera). If the Cardinals are going to upgrade at SS, it will be a massive upgrade, not just a tiny one.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:49 PM

        Ok, I was just teasing. I did not mean that seriously. Forgot my /t, I guess. I thought you were being a homer…and that’s nice. :)

      • paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:54 PM

        Just wanted to clarify….after re-reading what I wrote, it could have been taken as sarcasm toward Kozma’s abilities, which was not my intent at all. Since coming up last year, he has shown far more than he did in AAA, including in the playoffs and in spring training….realizing that all together it is still a small sample size, but he isn’t yet 25, and he plays average-ish defense at SS….so if he can put up an OBP of .320 with a SLG around .400….that would be pretty solid….I’m not expecting him to be fantastic (though that would be great), I am rooting for league average SS, which is still really good (IMO).

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:56 PM

        Yeah, I just assumed I had worn you down. :) Bandwagoner! /t

      • paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:58 PM

        Yeah, you know me….always following the crowd.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:59 PM

        It’s annoying really. You need to learn to think for yourself. Too busy impressing your fanboys, I guess.

      • paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 1:01 PM



      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 1:02 PM

        he he

      • stlouis1baseball - Apr 3, 2013 at 4:32 PM

        If it any consolation…you guys have be sold with your up in arm’s mentality of Chief Wahoo.
        As a result, I am boycotting Cracker Barrel until they remove the “Cracker” and just call themselves “Barrel.” It’s sickening the level of racism they are portraying. Sickening I tell you!

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 4:39 PM

        You should not eat at Cracker Barrel just because the food is so bad. That’s an affront to home cooking.

      • stlouis1baseball - Apr 3, 2013 at 4:43 PM

        Point taken. Cracker Barrel is bad food. But I do feel my post was ust as ridiculous as the Chief Wahoo crap.

        Qualifacation: I am not interested in another debate about it. I just wanted to throw the Cracker Barrel in their for comparison’s sake.

    • stlouis1baseball - Apr 3, 2013 at 10:31 AM


    • stlouis1baseball - Apr 3, 2013 at 10:32 AM

      Yep…I am also on board with the Philica “Kozma!”
      Dude draws a walk…scratch that…dude even gets hit by a pitch it’s “Kozma!”

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:54 PM

        I’m gonna turn you boys into Kozmaniacs yet!

      • paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 3:09 PM

        I think the official term is “Kozmanauts”.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 3:24 PM

        Well, you two are space cadets…

  11. paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 7:29 AM

    In these days of equality, I’d like to think that it is as likely that she would jump to protect him as he was to protect her.

    To his, um…….credit (?), he shows no interest in the ball whatsoever as it bounces past him and only show concern for her well being….ah, who am I kidding, dude should have snatched up that ball and started celebrating.

    • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 7:48 AM

      The tragedy is: it doesn’t look like either of them thought of the beer. The beer, people. The beer.

      • indaburg - Apr 3, 2013 at 10:41 AM

        You made me double check the gif. The beer, fortunately, looked ok. Whew. That was a
        close one.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:47 PM

        I CANNOT be the only one who immediately thinks to shield the beer. smh

      • indaburg - Apr 3, 2013 at 6:09 PM

        My priorities are all wrong.

      • blacksables - Apr 3, 2013 at 1:46 PM

        If you have to think about it, you’re wrong. It should be pure primeval instinct.

  12. bigleagues - Apr 3, 2013 at 9:20 AM

    GIRLFRIEND: but I don’t want to go to the Rangers game.

    BOYFRIEND: c’mon you promised if I detailed your Beetle that you’d come to the game.

    GIRLFRIEND: Yeeeeeeaaah, but I’m afraid of getting hit by a ball.

    BOYFRIEND: Oh c’mon Babe, you know that I played jayvee ball.


    BOYFRIEND: And I’ll catch it before I hit you.

    GIRLFRIEND: I know you say that, but then you said that before your nephews game too. Ya know, when that 8-year old fouled a ball straight into my belly.

    BOYFRIEND: BUT I did reach out to block that ball from hitting you!

    GIRLFRIEND: YEAH, YOU reached out and put your hands over BOTH of my BREASTS right in front of your Mom and sister and TWENTY-FOUR 8-year olds.

    BOYFRIEND: BUT I proved I’d take a ball for you.

    GIRLFRIEND: Pffffffffffft.

    BOYFRIEND: Baby, it’s not like we’re sitting near home. We’ll be WAY out in the Outfield, it’s safe out there.

    GIRLFRIEND: Wait! isn’t that where the guy fell…

    BOYFRIEND: …yeah, but he was trying to get a ball out of his reach.

    GIRLFRIEND: and….

    BOYFRIEND: we’ll be trying to get out of the reach of the ball.

    GIRLFRIEND: FINE! I’ll go, but if a ball comes near me you better catch IT. NOT my boobs.

    BOYFRIEND: Babe, I got you covered.

    • cur68 - Apr 3, 2013 at 11:53 AM

      bigleagues: I laughed. Read it twice and laughed.

      The thumbs here, though . . . WTF? This is harsh. As of my reading you got 19 thumbs down. 19 downers and 1 uppers. Harsh. This here conversation was PERFECT. I’ve had versions of this conversions prior to hockey games.

      Ordinarily I don’t engage in thumb clicks but, this time, I’ll make an exception. You get one thumb click UP from me. Mine’s the only the second one you have so treasure it. I saved it up for months.

      • cur68 - Apr 3, 2013 at 11:55 AM

        Didn’t even notice the typo till you mentioned it, either. Edit function, eh?

      • sportsdrenched - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:54 PM

        I too am miffed at the thumbs down. Of course…I’ve had a weird sense of humor for a long time.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 1:51 PM

        Can I post my version of how that conversation goes some time?

      • cur68 - Apr 3, 2013 at 2:32 PM

        Oh you’ll just bring down the high minded tone of the discussion with yellow sweater talk or something. You girls just don’t know how to discuss these topics in an appropriate and dignified manner.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 3, 2013 at 2:54 PM

        Dear Mr. Verlander,

        My name is Sally and I’m 8. PAWS talked to our class about bullying. He said we should tell an adult when people hurt us. There’s a boy in my school who picks on me. His name is cur. Can you please give him an HBPiD so he’ll stop picking on me? Thank you. You’re my favorite Tiger.


      • paperlions - Apr 3, 2013 at 3:13 PM

        I gave him a thumbs down because the game is in Houston, not Arlington, where the guy fell…and where “Ranger games” are played. Otherwise it wouldn’t have got a vote because it just wasn’t funny.

      • stlouis1baseball - Apr 3, 2013 at 4:41 PM

        I gave him a Thumbs Down because the game was in Arizona and (it seemed) he was making light of dude failing over the railing. And you know…dying.

  13. bigleagues - Apr 3, 2013 at 9:21 AM


    BOYFRIEND: And I’ll catch it before IT hits you.

  14. tfbuckfutter - Apr 3, 2013 at 9:36 AM

    But at least he got a homerun ball….I mean, it’s not like she would really want it….right? She doesn’t even have a shelf over her bed she could keep it on.

    • jerze2387 - Apr 3, 2013 at 12:34 PM it can roll off, he can bail out of the bed, and it can hit her AGAIN?

  15. jarathen - Apr 3, 2013 at 9:55 AM

    So when we talk about “grown men bringing gloves”, well, I’d like to stay married and keep my son from concussions. Also, catching a Major League home run is awesome.

  16. hisgirlgotburrelled - Apr 3, 2013 at 10:13 AM

    That homerun that traveled 420 feet really came up on them fast, huh?

  17. sleepyirv - Apr 3, 2013 at 10:39 AM

    You guys are being really cruel, he’s obviously not in mid-season form. Give him a little time.

    Although I don’t know what Heath Bell’s problem is, that’s just embarrassing.

  18. b453841l - Apr 3, 2013 at 10:45 AM

    Throw it back! Throw it back! Throw it back!!!

  19. thomas844 - Apr 3, 2013 at 10:49 AM

    Hey lady, it’s not like in the movies where you stand there helpless waiting for Superman to swoop down and pull you out of the way. You are allowed to move!

  20. decimusprime - Apr 3, 2013 at 11:48 AM

    I would like to 2nd that…Move b, get out the way, get out the way! Hilarious. Now as for the guy…lets be honest, he does nothing to warn her or even attempt to catch the ball. Being pretty much alone on the deck should have been a routine catch, even bare handed. So I guess when we sing, Move b get out the way, we are referring to the man.

  21. fnc111 - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:35 AM

    That dude just came out of the closet right there

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