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Jeff Loria thinks people will thank him for this past offseason someday

Apr 4, 2013, 1:30 PM EDT

Jeffrey Loria AP

Jeff Loria thinks a lot of things, of course. Here he is talking to Joe Capozzi of the Palm Beach Post before his Fish got shut out for the second straight game:

“It’s great baseball. It’s the beginning of a new era for us and it’s exciting,’’ Loria said before the Marlins lost 3-0 to Washington on Wednesday, the team’s second consecutive shutout to open the season.  “People will look back two years from now and say, ‘They did the right thing.’”

If the Marlins are winning two years from now they will talk about good players and baseball games. They will not say a damn thing about Loria or his decision making. Because he is so odious an owner he has foreclosed the possibility that even success will be met with praise. Really, he is the worst owner in sports.

The only thing Marlins fans will ever thank Loria for is if he goes into a year or two’s worth of media invisibility. Even if they want to like this team, his presecene surrounding it will make it that much harder. For the good of the franchise, he cannot be its face. He needs to retreat into silent ownership.

  1. heyblueyoustink - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:42 PM

    I want a list of his personal doctors, pharmacists, legal or otherwise. *I* want what *he’s* on.

    Homer: Someday you’ll thank me for this, son.
    Bart: Not bloody likely.
    Homer: No it’s true, You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher’s mitt, but my dad wouldn’t get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
    Bart: Dad, what’s the point of this story?
    Homer: I like stories

    • number42is1 - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:46 PM

      Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie

    • tfbuckfutter - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:46 PM

      That is one of my all-time favorite exchanges…..

      This one doesn’t fit, but it’s still hilarious:

      Homer: I know how you feel, Bart. When I was your age, I wanted an electric football game more than anything in the world. And my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life….well, goodnight.

      • number42is1 - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:01 PM

        this is one of mine..
        Homer: Well crying isn’t going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
        Bart: You’re right! [Gets up and leaves]
        Homer: Rats! I almost had him eating dog food

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:15 PM

        Once Homer quotes are introduced, there’s no way to avoid the rabbit hole….don’t know why but his comments about Police Academy are on my mind:

        “When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie….Police Academy.”

        “Stealing!?!? How could you? Didn’t you learn anything from that guy that gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Acadamey movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy that made those sound effects. Vroom! Vroom! Beep-beep-beep-beep! Bang! Bang! Ooooooooo-crash! Heh-heh-heh. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah! Stay outta my booze!”

      • number42is1 - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:18 PM

        since you started it…

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:33 PM

        Alright. Time to get back on topic. The topic of baseball.

        Homer: You’re Darryl Strawberry.
        Darryl: Yes?
        Homer: You play right field.
        Darryl: Yes?
        Homer: I play right field, too.
        Darryl: So?
        Homer: Are you better than me?
        Darryl: Well I’ve never met you… but…yes.

      • number42is1 - Apr 4, 2013 at 3:01 PM

        your move

        Homer: Please please please, I want to make the team. [catches Roger Clemens]
        Clemens, did I make the team?
        Roger: You sure did!
        Homer: I did! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! In your face, Strawberry!
        Roger: Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey, Jr.?
        Homer: No.
        Roger: Sorry. Didn’t mean to get your hopes up.

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 4, 2013 at 3:30 PM

        Mattingly! I told you to TRIM those sideburns! You’re off the team!
        Fine!….I still like him better than Steinbrenner.

      • number42is1 - Apr 4, 2013 at 3:52 PM


        “No, Mr. Scioscia. At this time tomorrow you’ll barely be able to breathe.”

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 4, 2013 at 4:10 PM

        Ralph: I pick Ken GriffeyJr.
        Bart: Aw, geez. Okay, I’ll take Millhouse.
        Ralph: Mr. Boggs, will you be on my team?
        Wade: You got yourself a player.
        Bart: Damn! All right, I’ll take Louis.
        Ralph: I’ll take Jose Canseco.
        Bart: D’oh!

      • number42is1 - Apr 4, 2013 at 4:15 PM

        I had a feeling you were gonna go with that one.. i counter with

        Barney: And I say, England’s greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
        Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!!
        Barney: Lord Palmerston!!!
        Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!!!! [pokes Barney]
        Barney: Okay, you asked for it, bud! [punches him out]
        Moe: Yeah, that’s showing him, Barney! [scoffing] Pitt the Elder…
        Barney: Lord Palmerston!!!! [punches Moe]

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 4, 2013 at 4:25 PM

        Eddie: Well well, Steve Sax….from New York City.
        Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn’t know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
        Steve: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
        Lou: You don’t know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxy Boy?

        This is going to become a jigsaw of the entire episode.

      • number42is1 - Apr 4, 2013 at 4:29 PM

        I’d love to partake further but i am off to my monthly Simpsons trivia…
        To be continued….

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 4, 2013 at 4:32 PM

        Was kinda ready to end it too.

        We shall resume in future threads.

  2. chacochicken - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:43 PM

    I wonder what it is like to be so rich but not remotely grounded in reality? Does he believe the things he says? You know what hasn’t happened in a long time? A real solid effort tar and feathering. I nominate the Jeffster.

    • natstowngreg - Apr 4, 2013 at 5:56 PM

      It is hard to fathom.

      However, if someone wants to throw a huge wad of cash at me, I’m willing to try it. For the good of the entire HBT community, of course.

  3. shaggylocks - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:43 PM

    When Loria says “people,” he’s not taking about the people of Miami. He means the people in New York, Philadelphia, Washington, and Atlanta.

    • indaburg - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:52 PM

      Don’t forget Toronto.

    • sdelmonte - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:53 PM

      And Toronto.

    • bellweather22 - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:04 PM

      Yes, we appreciate the opportunity for 19 easy wins every year. Thank you Jeffrey!

  4. Corinne - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:43 PM

    People absolutely will thank him some day. The people of the city the Marlins franchise moves to after Loria’s tactics run them out of town.

  5. Ben - Apr 4, 2013 at 1:51 PM

    The bruises means he loves me

    • indaburg - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:33 PM

      “That was some great victory
      He cried because of me
      He hit me with his belt
      His tears were all I felt
      When I saw my baby cry
      I knew that he loved me…”

      • Old Gator - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:42 PM

        Dear Buddha, how I loathe cheap sentiment. And meerkats.

      • indaburg - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:43 PM

        That’s Chrissie Hynde. More respect please!

      • Old Gator - Apr 4, 2013 at 7:14 PM

        Dear Buddha, how I loathe overpaid sentiment….

  6. UgglasForearms - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    Isn’t there some rule that insane people can’t own teams?

  7. bellweather22 - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    Thank you sir, may I have another!!

  8. huffdaddyco - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:03 PM

    Holy hell, the size of that ring. Does he store the crushed souls of Miami baseball fans in that thing?

  9. zzalapski - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:11 PM

    Is it appropriate to wish that he gets a non-lethal STD?

  10. dparker713 - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:20 PM

    I think you’re selling the Wilpons short here. Sure, Loria defrauded the city of Miami of hundreds of millions. But the Wilpons and Katz are complicit in the largest Ponzi scheme in history. Plus, both the father and the son are completely tone deaf and have been in charge of a team with horrible PR for decades.

    • Old Gator - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:39 PM

      The Wilpoons mainly screwed themselves in the Madoff bagatelle. Scrooge McLoria hath naught a screw-mark on his entire flaccid pinkish torso. Even the fang marks where his momma once bit his little baby tushy, forever traumatizing him and filling with with contempt for everyone else in his life, have been overgrown with layers of adipocere and can’t be seen without an MRI. The infrastructure of Macondo – its underfunded schools, its crumbling sewer and water mains, its absurdly designed highway interchanges, its understaffed bureaucracies (which I admit might be viewed as a mixed blessing, too) – all of this is open, festering and visible here in La Republica Platinosa.

      Here’s the problem with Craig’s thesis that Scrooge should (or even can) retreat into faux-invisibility: the face of Scrooge McLoria is the very objectification of what an awful team this is. You know how, when you look up at the stars through that telescope on the roof you usually use to peer into the bedroom of your hot neighbor in the next building, you always see Carl Sagan’s face, with that glazed smile on it, floating towards you? Well, every time you turn off your TV in disgust as the Feesh leave the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth when trailing by a run, you will see Scrooge McLoria grinning back at you in the contracting fuzz of dying ions on your screen, like some face of the Virgin on a tortilla as you slather it with pico de gallo and taco meat. There is no escape.

  11. spudchukar - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:27 PM

    Either Loria is bat shit crazy, or I no longer have any understanding of the definition of the word “exciting”.

  12. revansrevenant - Apr 4, 2013 at 2:58 PM

    This guy is completely bonkers. I’m not certain who is worse, Jeremy Jacobs or this guy. Jacobs is an egotistical, hamfisted, greedy tyrant, but this guy… no words come to mind. I am left speechless.

  13. youknowwhatsgoodforshoulderpain - Apr 4, 2013 at 4:18 PM

    If he decides to trade Giancarlo mid-season to the Rangers for Profar and Olt, I’ll thank him for the whole darn season!

  14. granted42 - Apr 4, 2013 at 4:18 PM

    “People will look back two years from now and say, ‘They did the right thing.’” These same people will then be put back on their medication, and quickly recant.

    I think the only thing for which Marlin’s fans could ever thank Loria is selling the team. Even if he did that, the most likely response from the really nice fans would be a long string of expletives, followed by a single-finger wave goodbye. Won’t even get into the response for the normal fans.

  15. officialgame - Apr 4, 2013 at 5:25 PM

    The fans will thank him after they lynch him.

    • revansrevenant - Apr 4, 2013 at 7:22 PM

      I think you’ll find plenty of donations for the rope.

  16. rvnc - Apr 4, 2013 at 6:54 PM

    Loria must be stopped. No matter the cost.

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