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Marlins will play recorded music at home opener because they haven’t hired an organist

Apr 8, 2013, 10:47 AM EDT

marlins mascot getty Getty Images

Tonight the Marlins play their home opener against the Braves and any music heard at Marlins Park in Miami will be recorded because the team hasn’t hired an organist.

Clark Spencer of the Miami Herald writes:

There will be no organist, at least initially. The Marlins held tryouts for an organist but couldn’t find one to fit the bill. Another audition will be scheduled.

Miami actually started the organist tryouts way back in February. So either the Marlins have some incredibly high standards or no one decent wants the job. Obviously this isn’t exactly earth-shattering news or anything, but when combined with everything else the Marlins have done recently it certainly fits the overall state of the franchise.

  1. zzalapski - Apr 8, 2013 at 10:53 AM

    “couldn’t find one to fit the bill” = “couldn’t find one willing to be paid in Marlins tickets instead of legal tender”

    Is Old Gator willing to take this job if it means being in better position to throw bags of dogshit at Loria?

    • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 2:34 PM

      I don’t need to sully my hands with bags of dogshit when I can play the keys that Scrooge McLoria rented, used, from the local music store.

      Here’s a short list of organists who interviewed for the job, but who the Feesh decided just weren’t up to snuff:

      Korla Pandit
      Virgil Fox
      The Phantom of the Opera
      Eddie Layton (Scrooge McLoria: “Naaahhh, to expensive, even if we wouldn’t need to carry him on the group health policy because he’s been dead long enough to skip the waiting period.”)
      Mambo Kurt
      Diane Bish
      Peter Hurlford
      Carlo Curley
      Lionel Rogg
      Hector Olivera
      Peter Conte

      Kinda reminds me of that bit in The Producers: (Zero Mostel reads) “Gregor Samsa awoke from troubled sleep to find himself transformed into a gigantic cockaroach.” (Pauses thoughtfully) “Naahh, it’s too good.”

  2. number42is1 - Apr 8, 2013 at 10:53 AM

    what’s the point? he would end up getting traded anyway

  3. DelawarePhilliesFan - Apr 8, 2013 at 10:55 AM

    Organists cost money. You people think Loria is made of money???

  4. thomas844 - Apr 8, 2013 at 11:02 AM

    Giant ugly statue: Millions of dollars
    Organist: Ehhhh, no we gotta save some money

    • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 5:11 PM

      Leave Tommy alone!

  5. proudlycanadian - Apr 8, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    Does Loria prefer to play his own organ as it is cheaper?

    • sdelmonte - Apr 8, 2013 at 12:03 PM

      Surprised Loria hasn’t sold his organ for the $$$.

    • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 2:36 PM

      No, Scrooge McLoria prefers to play the Macondo county commissioners’ organs. He’s gotten real good at milking them.

  6. rcali - Apr 8, 2013 at 11:14 AM

    Will the taxpayers be expected to flip the bill for the new organist?

    • tfbuckfutter - Apr 8, 2013 at 11:53 AM

      They are holding a referendum to raise the money through additional taxation…..

      It’s called The Comprehensive Organ Tax and it taxes everyone based on the number of organs they have in order to hire an organist for the Marlins.

      It’s sort of a confusingly worded proposal, but the highlight is they can sell it as a tax break to people who have donated or otherwise lost an organ like a lung. The alternate title was actually “Tax Relief Bill For Those Missing Organs”, but they had to change it because then Loria would never hire an organist.

      Politics is hard.

  7. jimmymarlinsfan - Apr 8, 2013 at 12:04 PM

    Who the fuck cares? It’s an organist

    • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 4:35 PM

      No on “cares,” Jimmy. We’re merely amused by another example of the Scrooge McLoria crime family’s cheapskate and incompetent ways of doing everything except lie, cheat and steal from the public – the last two of which they actually do well. That’s okay, though – you may remain encased in your miasma of what until recently I mistook for a happy naivete but which you have now revealed as something between sheer ignorance and willing gullibility.

      • jimmymarlinsfan - Apr 8, 2013 at 7:10 PM

        Cry some more why don’t ya? I have a better idea, MOVE

      • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 7:46 PM

        Same idea as yesterday. Don’t you have any other ones?

  8. dowhatifeellike - Apr 8, 2013 at 12:04 PM

    Damnit! number42is1 beat me to the trade joke.

  9. mrfloydpink - Apr 8, 2013 at 12:21 PM

    They TRIED to hire someone, but due to a typo, well–let’s just see that you have to stay after the game if you want to enjoy the labors of the Marlins’ new team orgiast.

    • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 4:37 PM

      Aww, you can find him hanging out by the Clevelander swimming pool, being fed grapes by some of the bar girls in their 1960s era Las Vegas bikinis with the swinging pasty chains.

  10. granted42 - Apr 8, 2013 at 12:22 PM

    I think everyone who auditioned got the wrong idea. They played the organ at their audition. Loria plans on trading away the rest of the team and hiring a bunch of trained monkeys to wear Marlins uniforms instead. What the Marlins are actually looking for is an organ grinder.

  11. historiophiliac - Apr 8, 2013 at 12:32 PM

    Loria to henchman: “I got a great deal on pre-recorded clips. Wait til you hear it.”

    Announcer: “Alright, fans! Let get a rally going here. Batting next is #27 Giancarlo Staaaaaaaaantonnnn!”

    /Stanton walks to plate

    “The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please check the number and try again. Beeeeeep. The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please check the number and try again. Beeep.”

    Loria: “Great, right?”

  12. stlouis1baseball - Apr 8, 2013 at 12:42 PM

    This just keeps getting better.

    Haven’t found an organist that fits the bill = Trying to save monies

  13. realgone2 - Apr 8, 2013 at 12:44 PM

    To quote Bob Odenkirk – “What a collection of assholes.”

  14. thephilsabide - Apr 8, 2013 at 2:01 PM

    If the Marlins play recorded organist music and no one is around to hear it, did it really happen?

  15. xmatt0926x - Apr 8, 2013 at 2:20 PM

    Craig did a post earlier on the “best fans in baseball”. The answer is easy. anyone who actually paid to come and support this team tonight has to at least be on the short list of best fans in baseball.

  16. 13arod - Apr 8, 2013 at 2:45 PM

    the statue isn’t ugly

    • kiwicricket - Apr 8, 2013 at 3:49 PM

      I agree. If it stood still and shut up, it would not be ugly. But unfortunately ….

      • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 5:09 PM

        Leave Tommy alone!

  17. kiwicricket - Apr 8, 2013 at 3:46 PM

    They will bring one in at mid-season to save on service time.

  18. ddjjddjj - Apr 8, 2013 at 4:17 PM

    Heard they would not allow them to play the funeral march!

    • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 5:10 PM

      They’re saving that one until another fifteen or twenty games get played, when they’re mathematically eliminated from the postseason.

  19. jcmeyer10 - Apr 8, 2013 at 5:43 PM

    Pretty sure they want to delay the organist’s arbitration for another year. Pretty simple.

  20. revansrevenant - Apr 8, 2013 at 6:37 PM

    I’m surprised they haven’t sold the organ.

  21. jimmymarlinsfan - Apr 8, 2013 at 7:12 PM

    What a bunch of babies. Focus on your own team that hasn’t won not one, but two World Series in the past twenty years. Gator can still ride the short bus to hell

    • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 8:15 PM

      Tsk, tsk. Cracking under the strain of dimly realizing you’re going to wind up eating all that crow yourself? What’s the matter, leetle Jeemy? Losing getting on your nerves? Steecking up mindlessly for a crook and pathological liar making you look seellier and seellier? So where were you on opening day, oh great fan of lost causes? There were plenty of seats Scrooge McLoria could have used you to feel.

      As far as your cockamamie, borderline hilarious defense of Scrooge McLoria’s indefensible behavior towards this community and this fan base, you need to look up the phrase “useful idiot.” You should find it enlightening, but you probably won’t.

      • jimmymarlinsfan - Apr 8, 2013 at 9:11 PM

        A. Try English all the way through.
        B. I’ve been a Marlins fan since day one we were awarded a franchise. I’ve seen losing seasons and I’ll get over it. Will you?
        C. Loria is a crook in the way we all are. We all want more money. But if you have a problem with wanting more money, then please move
        D. I was taking care of my dying grandmother who is senile beyond belief on opening day. Got any wise cracks for that?
        E. Loria guaranteed baseball in south Florida for the next 40 years, I’m guessing your issue with this is that you won’t make it beyond another a year or two, god willing
        F. Useful idiot is what Lenin called many of his followers because he knew what he was doing while having no intention of ever helping the people. If anything, you are the useful idiot as you are on the side of popular opinion. After all dissention and useful idiots go hand in hand like the Atlanta braves and clutch championship performances

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 8, 2013 at 9:20 PM

        “D. I was taking care of my dying grandmother who is senile beyond belief on opening day. Got any wise cracks for that?”

        Something along the lines of…..Silver lining: she won’t suffer this season and didn’t remember the last few?*

      • Old Gator - Apr 8, 2013 at 10:50 PM

        A. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
        B. Me too. I was at opening day. Charlie Hough. Scott Pose. Beautiful day for baseball.
        C. No, we all aren’t the same kind of scabrous bloodsucker that Scrooge McLoria is. Wanting money and being unscrupulous about how we go about getting it, especially when it involves misrepresenting your finances to gullible or crooked politicians and pocket funds you know are desperately needed for more important things are outside the moral boundaries of decent people. Claiming that Loria’s perfidy is equivalent to what “most people” want is just your deficient ability to discriminate between kinds and degrees.
        D. How about “then she wouldn’t have missed you”? I guess the next best thing you could have done to putting your fanboy money where your mouth is would be to download Where’s Poppa from Netflix.
        E. I love you too, sweet little thang that you are.
        F. “Useful idiot is what Lenin called many of his followers because he knew what he was doing while having no intention of ever helping the people.” Correct – a fine description of Scrooge McLoria himself. And occasionally, popular opinion and reality coalesce – as in the popular perception, so apparent in all the empty seats at Macondo Banana Massacre Field, that Scrooge McLoria is a crook and a liar. Ah well. I did say that looking it up wouldn’t enlighten you. Score me another one.

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