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Denard Span has a brilliant plan to beat traffic in D.C.

Apr 9, 2013, 2:44 PM EDT

Denard Span is only a week into his first season with the Nationals, but he’s already figured out a way to beat the traffic in Washington, D.C.:

It might be a tough sell with like five hours until the first pitch, but if a prominent player on a popular team were truly in a rush what are the odds that scenario would turn into a police escort to the ballpark? Denard, if you’re reading this: I say go for it. We’ll bail you out if things go wrong*.

* Up to $100. After that, I mean, you make like $5 million a season. Actually, can I borrow $100?

  1. tmhofficial - Apr 9, 2013 at 2:48 PM

    Comments like this, and the whole “deployment” thing a few years ago makes me scratch my head at him. He lacks a filter sometimes, love it or hate it. The deployment or “Iraq” comment was worse than this obviously, comparing the MLB Season to being deployed to go to war.

  2. number42is1 - Apr 9, 2013 at 2:48 PM

    Yes, yes you did

  3. mybrunoblog - Apr 9, 2013 at 2:49 PM

    Someone tell Span there are plenty of nice apartments in D.C.
    Move into the city and you could walk to the ballpark (providing you don’t get lost on the way there)

    • alang3131982 - Apr 9, 2013 at 3:52 PM

      Yeah – he probably doesnt want to give the city any of the tax income, not like the city needs it or anything…

      • voteforno6 - Apr 9, 2013 at 5:57 PM

        He has to pay D.C. income taxes, regardless of where he lives. Professional athletes, like entertainers, have to pay taxes wherever they perform. So, he’ll have to pay D.C. income taxes on half of his salary, and the rest gets split between wherever the Nats have road games.

    • skids003 - Apr 9, 2013 at 3:59 PM

      He probably doesn’t want to get shot. Oh wait, never mind, they have the strictest gun control in the nation there, that couldn’t happen.

      • alang3131982 - Apr 9, 2013 at 4:11 PM

        you’re an idiot.

      • 18thstreet - Apr 9, 2013 at 4:39 PM

        We were talking about twitter and traffic and you brought up gun laws.

        Get a life.

      • chacochicken - Apr 9, 2013 at 5:39 PM

        They lifted the hand gun ban a couple of years ago.

  4. natslady - Apr 9, 2013 at 2:52 PM

    It’s 80 degrees and sunny here. The cherry blossoms are at their absolute peak…. Welcome to spring in DC.

  5. 13arod - Apr 9, 2013 at 2:58 PM

    walk or ride a bike

  6. Kevin S. - Apr 9, 2013 at 3:12 PM

    Please. Doug Miribelli cornered this market years ago

  7. DelawarePhilliesFan - Apr 9, 2013 at 3:22 PM

    I hope he is not driving. And I am dead serious – I knew someone professionally who was fatally killed by a texting driver

    • DelawarePhilliesFan - Apr 9, 2013 at 3:23 PM

      Fatally struck, that is

    • natslady - Apr 9, 2013 at 7:15 PM

      Never mind texting–If he was in blossom traffic he could have got out of his car, put down a blanket and had lunch before the line moved. Everyone does, they get out and take photos. If you are trying to get anywhere it’s maddening, but he’ll learn not to go that way.

      • DelawarePhilliesFan - Apr 9, 2013 at 7:22 PM

        I know what DC traffic is like – I lived there for 2 summers, and have been there during Cherry Blossom.

        I don’t mean to beat this to death – but the joke he was making is that he was hoping a cop would think he was doing somethign dangerous, so as to pull him over. Somehow, I doubt anyone would laugh if he tweeted “Waving an empty beer bottle so the cops will pull me over and escort me to the park’. And yet, texting and drinking equally impare your driving ability.

        Again, I don’t mean to come off preachy, just noting the reality

      • kinggw - Apr 10, 2013 at 12:37 AM

        The operative word in your post is joke. Relax.

      • DelawarePhilliesFan - Apr 10, 2013 at 8:51 AM

        Good point King – all jokes are funny

  8. bringbackkosar - Apr 9, 2013 at 3:39 PM

    confirming once more that baseball players and Mensa Society are mutually exclusive subsets of the universe

    • nothanksimdriving123 - Apr 9, 2013 at 3:56 PM

      Sorry, but Yogi Berra and Casey Stengel disprove your theory, as they both served as president of Mensa.

  9. Paul Zummo - Apr 9, 2013 at 4:05 PM

    I’d advise him to take Metro, but there’s no human being I hate enough to suggest that to.

  10. chacochicken - Apr 9, 2013 at 4:07 PM

    I like Denard as a player but I’ve got no time for someone who refuses to see The Hobbit.

  11. knowlegeforyou - Apr 9, 2013 at 4:51 PM

    Hope he gets pulled over by an Orioles fan.

  12. rlj2170 - Apr 9, 2013 at 9:10 PM

    to suggest that he should live near the park is suggesting that he live in Anacostia. wow
    that is one scary area to be in ,not to mention the stink from the river

    • kinggw - Apr 10, 2013 at 12:38 AM

      Actually there are a bunch of empty upscale apartments on Half St, directly outside Nats park. Anacostia isnt even as bad as it used to be. You guys have got to update your DC stereotypes.

  13. spiritualmansions - Apr 11, 2013 at 10:57 PM

    I thought he was implying that he would get there quicker if he were to be pulled over on the side of the road. I groaned.

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