Skip to content

Two Red Sox minor leaguers suspended

Apr 17, 2013, 5:35 PM EDT

Rachel Leigh Cook

This is drugs [holds up an egg].

This is your brain on drugs [cracks eggs into frying pan, fries eggs, struggles to make it out of Single-A ball so decides to take some steroids and stuff in order to his some more dingers]:

The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball announced today that two Boston Red Sox Minor League players have been suspended following their violations of the Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.

Right-handed pitcher Gerson Bautista has received a 50-game suspension without pay after testing positive for Metabolites of Stanozolol.  The suspension of Bautista, who is on the roster of the Dominican Summer League Red Sox, is effective at the start of the DSL season.

Left-handed pitcher Miguel Pena has received a 50-game suspension without pay following a second positive test for a drug of abuse.  The suspension of Pena, who is on the roster of the Single-A Salem Red Sox of the Carolina League, is effective immediately.

[Then Rachel Leigh Cook comes in, hits Bautista and Pena over the head with frying pan; parlays that whole bit into a middling acting career in the late 90s and early 2000s, sort of undermining the whole point of the PSA in the first place].

  1. tfbuckfutter - Apr 17, 2013 at 6:12 PM

    Good job dummies.

  2. Caught Looking - Apr 17, 2013 at 6:15 PM

    Is it Friday afternoon already?

  3. onbucky96 - Apr 17, 2013 at 6:23 PM

    What, no bacon? Mmm, bacon…

  4. dowhatifeellike - Apr 17, 2013 at 6:24 PM

    Where have you gone, Rachel Leigh Cook?

    • tfbuckfutter - Apr 17, 2013 at 6:48 PM

      Maybe she’s getting what is clearly an over-active air conditioner fixed.

      Can’t believe in my pervy teens I never noticed that.

      • Caught Looking - Apr 17, 2013 at 6:57 PM

      • historiophiliac - Apr 17, 2013 at 7:28 PM

        That commercial still sucks.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 17, 2013 at 7:30 PM

        No offense to your inner pervy teen.

  5. dowhatifeellike - Apr 17, 2013 at 6:25 PM

    Stanozolol. Even the drug lols at you.

  6. randygnyc - Apr 17, 2013 at 8:10 PM

    Except the PEDS are encouraged throughout the entire Red Sox organization. Look no further than big papi, pedroia and middlebrooks.

    • hockeyflow33 - Apr 17, 2013 at 8:33 PM

      As we all know, Pedroia is the pinnacle of athletic body sculpture

    • tfbuckfutter - Apr 17, 2013 at 10:34 PM

      At least they didn’t try to buy and destroy the evidence.

  7. brewcrewfan54 - Apr 17, 2013 at 8:41 PM

    That chick’s hot.

  8. watermelon1 - Apr 17, 2013 at 8:51 PM

    Uh, why so people hate this commercial?

    Middling acting career? Pretty sure anyone reading or writing this article would be happy more than happy to change places with RLC.

    • historiophiliac - Apr 17, 2013 at 9:16 PM

      No, thanks, DFFINITELY not.

    • tfbuckfutter - Apr 17, 2013 at 10:38 PM

      Middling acting career?

      Umm….hellooooo…..She’s All That?

      And….umm…..Carpool….Ok, not Carpool but I did see that way more times than is appropriate (appropriate would be “0” and I saw it at least a dozen times when it was being run nonstop on HBO)…..

      And then there was also…..

      Ok, ok….but 11:14 was actually a pretty good quirky movie with a surprising cast….plus Tucker from Flash Forward (who can actually be a pretty awesome actor) got his dong cut off by a van window.

      So, my point is….middling career? HAH! More like….esoteric career.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 17, 2013 at 11:06 PM

        Wow, been at sea long, sailor?

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 17, 2013 at 11:33 PM

        I’m like Rain Man.

        If Rain Man’s skills revolved around completely useless pop culture.

        I can Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon like Rain Man can count toothpicks.

        Also, Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man with Tom Cruise who was in The Outsiders with Matt Dillon who was in Wild Things with Kevin Bacon.

        Top of the head.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 17, 2013 at 11:49 PM

        Gary Busey — go!

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 18, 2013 at 12:16 AM

        Gary Busey ate Kevin Bacon’s dachsund.

        That one was too easy.

        But if you want an alternate…..Busey in Point Break with Keanu Reeves to Parenthood with Martha Plimpton to Josh Brolin in Goonies to Sean Penn in Milk to Bacon in Mystic River

        Also fun, Joaquin Phoenix in The Master with Philip Seymour Hoffman (or directed by Paul Thomas Anderson) in Magnolia (also both Hoffman and Magnolia) with Tom Cruise in the aforementioned Outsiders film and then rest of the string.

        God I wish my OCD could earn me money.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 18, 2013 at 12:28 AM

        You know I’m going to have to resist the urge to randomly throw you these now, right?

      • tfbuckfutter - Apr 18, 2013 at 12:39 AM

        I think that may be for the best…..

        Especially since I just said to myself “Hmm….let’s do Justin Long just for fun….Alanah Ubach (had a crush on her for some odd reason) in Waiting to Danny DeVito in Renaissance Man to Michael Douglas in War of the Roses to Sean Penn in the Game and back to Mystic River.”

        I think I may need help.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 18, 2013 at 12:55 AM

        No judging.

      • Caught Looking - Apr 18, 2013 at 1:12 AM

        Rachael Leigh Cook:

        Was in Get Carter with Sylvester Stallone who was in Demolition Man with Benjamin Bratt who was in Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock who was in Speed 2 with Jason Patrick who was in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon

  9. hojo20 - Apr 17, 2013 at 9:48 PM

    I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.

  10. lncrprl - Apr 17, 2013 at 11:06 PM

    She reminds me of that chick in the movie “Fight Club”

  11. Minoring In Baseball - Apr 18, 2013 at 12:40 AM

    More proof that the gamble just isn’t worth it. Rachel does have some baseball experience, though, from the movie ‘The Final Season’…

  12. irishdodger - Apr 18, 2013 at 1:06 AM

    Seems like the latest PED offenders are Latin American ball players. I don’t blame them cuz that’s their ticket off the island….but….

    • paperlions - Apr 18, 2013 at 7:32 AM

      They also live in a place where these things are not illegal without a prescription and have trainers highly invested in their success….who very well may give them supplements that have things in them the players don’t know about. Everyone exploits those kids, trainers, MLB, agents…

      • historiophiliac - Apr 18, 2013 at 7:45 AM

        Please don’t feed the trolls.

      • paperlions - Apr 18, 2013 at 7:53 AM

        But they look so hungry, poor things.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 18, 2013 at 7:59 AM

        You’re such a softie. If you do it once, they’ll just come back for more.

  13. bravojawja - Apr 18, 2013 at 9:46 AM

    The Metabolites of Stanozolol sounds like something out of a bad sci-fi series. I would guess “Stargate SG-1.”

Leave Comment

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Not a member? Register now!

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. D. Wright (3179)
  2. G. Stanton (2606)
  3. M. Teixeira (2492)
  4. H. Olivera (2420)
  5. Y. Cespedes (2407)
  1. J. Fernandez (2404)
  2. K. Medlen (2194)
  3. Y. Puig (2160)
  4. G. Perkins (2098)
  5. J. Eickhoff (2066)