Apr 17, 2013, 5:35 PM EDT
This is drugs [holds up an egg].
This is your brain on drugs [cracks eggs into frying pan, fries eggs, struggles to make it out of Single-A ball so decides to take some steroids and stuff in order to his some more dingers]:
The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball announced today that two Boston Red Sox Minor League players have been suspended following their violations of the Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.
Right-handed pitcher Gerson Bautista has received a 50-game suspension without pay after testing positive for Metabolites of Stanozolol. The suspension of Bautista, who is on the roster of the Dominican Summer League Red Sox, is effective at the start of the DSL season.
Left-handed pitcher Miguel Pena has received a 50-game suspension without pay following a second positive test for a drug of abuse. The suspension of Pena, who is on the roster of the Single-A Salem Red Sox of the Carolina League, is effective immediately.
[Then Rachel Leigh Cook comes in, hits Bautista and Pena over the head with frying pan; parlays that whole bit into a middling acting career in the late 90s and early 2000s, sort of undermining the whole point of the PSA in the first place].
Sep 22, 2014, 11:36 PM EDT
Jeter has caught fire with only days remaining in his career.
Sep 22, 2014, 10:23 PM EDT
Danny Duffy tossed six scoreless innings in his return from left rotator cuff inflammation.
Sep 22, 2014, 9:36 PM EDT
Sergio Romo and Shawon Dunston “exchanged heated words with raised voices” before Bruce Bochy intervened.
Sep 22, 2014, 8:55 PM EDT
Shoemaker came out of nowhere to go 16-4 with a 3.07 ERA and 124/24 K/BB ratio in 136 innings as a 27-year-old rookie, including a 9-1 record and 1.49 ERA in 67 innings since late July.
Sep 22, 2014, 8:21 PM EDT
Tomas, 23, could reportedly command a $100 million contract.
Sep 22, 2014, 7:55 PM EDT
Former major league pitcher and current player agent Dave Stewart is viewed as the overwhelming favorite for the job.
Sep 22, 2014, 7:49 PM EDT
Rough day for the Wren family.
Sep 22, 2014, 7:01 PM EDT
In his first full season as a starter Ross finishes with a 2.81 ERA and 195 strikeouts in 196 innings.
Sep 22, 2014, 6:43 PM EDT
The Royals made it interesting, but the Indians hung on for a 4-3 victory.
Sep 22, 2014, 6:28 PM EDT
In other words: He won’t be an option again this season even if the Mariners make a deep playoff run.
Sep 22, 2014, 6:10 PM EDT
Pearce has been one of baseball’s biggest surprises this season, batting .297 with 20 home runs and .932 OPS over 98 games.
Sep 22, 2014, 5:47 PM EDT
He’s owed $23 million in 2015, $25 million in 2016, and $25 million or a $5 million buyout for 2017.
Sep 22, 2014, 4:50 PM EDT
“He’s a good baseball guy, and we’re in this thing together.”
Sep 22, 2014, 4:40 PM EDT
Good news for the Yankees and their once and future ace
Sep 22, 2014, 4:19 PM EDT
When injuries wrecked the Mariners’ rotation depth Chris Young stepped in and went 12-6 with a 3.07 ERA through his first 24 starts.
Sep 22, 2014, 4:00 PM EDT
Sep 22, 2014, 3:49 PM EDT
Washington cut Perez loose after claiming light-hitting shortstop Pedro Florimon off waivers from Minnesota.
Sep 22, 2014, 3:15 PM EDT
The Cubs know they can’t just get by on change-of-scenery guys and sign-and-flip deals.
Sep 22, 2014, 3:00 PM EDT
The Mets are staying the course. And it is probably a good idea.
- Frank Wren fired as Braves GM, John Hart to take over on an interim basis 41
- AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME! Sizing up the final week of the regular season 36
- Must-Click Link: Derek Jeter opens up. Seriously, he really does. 44
- And That Happened: Sunday’s scores and highlights 58
- Must-click link: Tommy Harper and the Red Sox’ racist past 56
- Settling the Score: Saturday’s results 34
- Matt Garza ejected after hitting Andrew McCutchen a second time 34
- Tigers hang on for second straight win against Royals 8
- Geddy Lee’s baseball obsession makes it really hard for me to hate Rush (123)
- It certainly looks like Barry Bonds’ criminal conviction is going to be overturned (107)
- Ron Washington claims he resigned because he cheated on his wife (103)
- Giants CEO Larry Baer thinks advertisements on uniforms are coming soon (88)
- Umpire ejects jackwagon fan heckling Bryce Harper in Atlanta last night (85)