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Rene Lachemann has great advice for your daughters

Apr 25, 2013, 8:22 AM EDT

I wish Rockies first base coach Rene Lachemann would come to my house and give Mookie the facts of life like this. The key bit: “dont go out with baseball players.”

Now, if I can just find Stuart Copeland or someone like him to come and tell Mookie not to date drummers and I’ll be all set.

[Thanks to Stacey Pressman for the heads up]

  1. dink53 - Apr 25, 2013 at 8:42 AM

    Or bass players or lawyers.

    • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:55 AM

      Or cowboys — cuz, you know, they’ll never stay home and they’re always alone.

    • indaburg - Apr 25, 2013 at 12:03 PM

      Sigh… bass players.

  2. indaburg - Apr 25, 2013 at 8:59 AM

    My daddy and Tony Peña (inadvertently) gave me the same advice. Now I have to work for a living. Thanks, dad.

    • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 10:00 AM

      My dad pulled the same bullshit. “Be independent. Don’t depend on a man.” But now that he’s retired he can see the value of marrying into guaranteed season tickets. Too late.

  3. cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:13 AM

    He forgot “Cake before pie” but she looks like she knew that one.

    • stlouis1baseball - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:31 AM

      Ummm….no Cur. It is “pie before cake.” How many times do we have to discuss this?
      Cake sucks ass. Unless it’s German Chocolate, Red Velvet…or…or…German Chocolate.

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:33 AM

        See? The Troglodytes of Pie cannot sustain their erratic message. We over at Camp Cake suffer no such inconsistencies.

        Cake Rulez.

    • stlouis1baseball - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:32 AM

      Oh…and Carrot Cake and ANY Cheesecake. That’s it though. German Chocolate, Red Velvet, Carrot Cake and Cheescaked (of any kind). Otherwise, pie trumps cake. Always.

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:37 AM

        Tsk.

      • albertmn - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:54 AM

        I tend to fall on the side of both cake and pie are delicious, which my shape shows too well. But, carrot cake is a waste of good cake. What did that poor cake do to you that made you stick carrots in it and ruin it? Carrots can be on your plate with your meal as a veggie, but should never be in your dessert.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 10:02 AM

        What’s even worse: my mother puts carrot shavings in jello. It’s a total waste of the green kind. :(

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 10:28 AM

        Far worse than the miscreants of Pie/Cake Equal Rights are those Low Beings of Bread Pudding. Both factions should be eradicated with fire and the ground where they stood be sown with salt.

      • Kevin S. - Apr 25, 2013 at 11:28 AM

        Cheesecake is a pie. Don’t let the nomenclature fool you.

    • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:51 AM

      She’s not old enough for bread pudding. Children have the palates of goats. They’re terrible.

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 10:34 AM

        In fact, research has demonstrated that children, females in particular, have VERY discerning taste sense (gustation). This is why its often difficult to get children to eat certain things. They are sensitive to texture, umami, and sweetness most of all. A child refusing bread pudding is a normal child. Bread pudding has the texture of cottage cheese, the flavour of sweetened cardboard, and the umami is non-existant.

        On the other hand, you can shovel all the cake you like at the little devils. They LOVE cake.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 10:37 AM

        Yeah, and you can get ‘em drunk fast too. What’s your point?

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 10:40 AM

        My point? isn’t it obvious? I’m trolling you.

        Anyhow, the stuff about children’s gustatory apparatus being muy bueno is all true.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 10:55 AM

        Honey, I know what you’re up to. I don’t know how I lived before being trolled by Canadians.

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 11:31 AM

        It wasn’t really living. It was more a half-life. Like Voldemort.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 11:33 AM

        Only sexier.

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 11:36 AM

        With an aroma of Bread Pudding

      • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 11:38 AM

        If you dab bacon behind your ears, it attracts the wrong crowd.

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 11:38 AM

        So THAT’S what I’ve been doing wrong…

      • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 1:32 PM

        Also, don’t talk to me on here b/c people thumb you down for that. ha ha

      • stlouis1baseball - Apr 25, 2013 at 11:51 AM

        But if you are comparing the palates of goats vs. children from the perspective of taste…they are quite different. Goats eat anything. Children? Candy and McDonalds French Fries.
        That’s about it.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 12:23 PM

        What? You’re kids aren’t trash compactors? Kids these days. Pie or cake. Nut jobs.

      • indaburg - Apr 25, 2013 at 12:13 PM

        My 15 month old boy will eat spicy curries from his Guyanan caretaker, chicken fricase, grilled salmon with herbs, guandules and rice, anything cooked in garlic and onions, and (of course) plantains. Lots and lots of them. I bet the little devil would eat bread pudding if I were to ever allow it to cross our threshold. My daughter subsists on mac n’cheese and nuggets. I forget what the hell my point was but I typed too much to cancel this reply.

        Kids, don’t do drugs.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 25, 2013 at 12:22 PM

        Exactly…and avoid the clap.

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2013 at 12:37 PM

        And do not date baseball players: that above all.

  4. raysfan1 - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:33 AM

    Time for you to join DADD– Dads Against Daughters Dating.

  5. someguyinva - Apr 25, 2013 at 9:35 AM

    I need to step up my game. All their lives, I’ve been repeating to SomeDaughtersInVA just one simple rule – “Boys are stupid, and girls are mean.”

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