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UPDATE: Jeff Loria denies ordering the Jose Fernandez-Ricky Nolasco flip-flop

Apr 26, 2013, 1:48 PM EDT

Image (1) loria.jpg for post 4206

UPDATE: Now Rosenthal reports that Loria denies ordering the switch. This is the most interesting thing the Marlins have done all season so far.

11:32 AMWe wrote the other day about how the Marlins flip-flopped Jose Fernandez and Ricky Nolasco in the doubleheader against the Twins earlier this week.  Today Jeff Passan reports that it wasn’t an organizational decision as such. It was a Jeff Loria decision.  He personally demanded that the pitchers switch games, which went against the set rotation, violated baseball protocol in such situations and angered Nolasco and some others on the team.

But here’s the best part: Loria’s reasoning for the switch — to keep Fernandez out of the colder temperatures in the night game — actually backfired:

Loria insisted Fernandez, the team’s prized 20-year-old rookie, pitch in the first half of the doubleheader at frigid Target Field instead of the scheduled Nolasco because the day game was expected to be warmer. The temperature at Fernandez’s first pitch (38 degrees) was actually colder than at the beginning of Nolasco’s start (42 degrees).

Jeff Loria: Tries to do the wrong thing, screws up, still does the wrong thing.

  1. El Bravo - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:34 AM

    Double douchenozzle. Not sure how that’s possible but he did it.

    • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:52 AM

      Did you know that snakes have forked penises? Here:

      That’s how he did it.

      No, they’re not pretty. But that’s a picture of Scrooge McLoria at the top of this thread. What did you expect?

      • stlouis1baseball - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:28 PM

        Just standard, ordinary, every day, average hemi-penis. As if that’s uncommon!

      • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:02 PM

        Well, *I* don’t have one.

      • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:16 PM

        Get yourself a pet male python and you’ll have one. We have lots of them to choose from here in Macondo.

    • indaburg - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:04 PM

      A double douchenozzle? Isn’t that against laws of nature?

      • El Bravo - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:22 PM

        Indaburg, see Gator’s link above for explanation. Truth is always stranger than fiction…

        Loria is DN#5 as well as DN#16 in 2013. Pretty amazing stat. It’s more rare than a perfect game maddux with a 4k inning.

      • indaburg - Apr 26, 2013 at 4:29 PM

        Gator’s info isn’t pertinent because douches aren’t used on penises. I would imagine that would be excruciating.

        I did learn something new today, Marsupials have multiple vaginas. True fact. I do not know if this is common knowledge but somehow, I missed this little snippet. A marsupial could require double douchenozzles. Maybe even triple ones to get that oh so fresh feeling.

        Will Loria go for the triple douchenozzle? He’s a go-getter, that one. I say yes.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 4:31 PM

        That is too much information.

      • indaburg - Apr 26, 2013 at 4:31 PM

        The more you know…

      • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 4:38 PM

        I’m gonna have vajayjay nightmares now.

      • El Bravo - Apr 26, 2013 at 5:09 PM

        Louie CK says it’s penasia when you pluralize penis.

    • El Bravo - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:58 PM

      If he denies it, it is twice as true.

      • cur68 - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:08 PM

        Of course he denies it. That’s what a 2DNoz does.

      • El Bravo - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:27 PM

        HA! Exactly. Is it DNoz^2?

      • cur68 - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:30 PM

        I’m going to have a go at a superscript html. I’m telling you this in case it doesn’t come out. I think its “sup” inside the brackets. Lets see…


      • cur68 - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:31 PM

        Sigh Guess not. Well roll with your version “DNoz^2”

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:42 PM

        To hell with Phil Spector, HBO needs to get a flick going on this guy.

  2. andrewproughcfe - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:41 AM

    You had me laughing at “Jeff Loria…”

    • heyblueyoustink - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:09 PM

      Like I’ve said before, whatever meds Loria is on, I want them.

      • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 3:37 PM

        Yeah, but they make you a dick for more than four hours.

  3. Uncle Charlie - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:44 AM

    Charlie Donovan: How would you like to manage the Marlins this year?
    Lou Brown: Gee, I don’t know…
    Charlie Donovan: What do you mean, you don’t know? This is your chance to manage in the big leagues.
    Lou Brown: Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.

    • antifreeze27 - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:04 PM

      Charlie Donovan: Also, the owner wants this team to really be horrible so that it can be moved to a new taxpayer-funded stadium in Miami.

    • antifreeze27 - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:37 PM

      Randy Quaid (2011 offseason): You guys! We just signed Reyes! And Buehrle! And Heath Bell! And Ozzie Guillen! This is gonna be the year!

      Groundskeeper: They still suck!

  4. realgone2 - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:49 AM

  5. Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:49 AM

    Someone on another thread just asked if the Marlins salary dump on the Feather Lice during the orfseason might result in Scrooge McLoria being regard as a genius. I replied: nope.

    And again: nope.

  6. beefytrout - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:51 AM

    I feel so bad for whatever Marlins fans are left.

    • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:55 AM

      Fortunately, that means that you can treat your bad feeling with over-the-counter chewable, fruit-flavored medications.

      • sabatimus - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:54 PM

        Those must be a certain crunchy, chalky kind of antacid. Though in your case I’d suggest Prilosec.

    • bulldog12b - Apr 26, 2013 at 5:27 PM

      You mean all 2 dozen of them that show up for the game? More people show up for Little League games!

      • wlschneider09 - Apr 26, 2013 at 8:25 PM

        Obviously, the quality of baseball is better in Little league.

  7. historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:52 AM

    That Emperor Jeffy picture just way outdoes Smug Bud.

    • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:55 AM

      Not really. April in Macondo is the beginning of the flea and tick season.

  8. chill1184 - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:55 AM

    “Wow even Im not that much of a douchebag”

    -Fred Wilpon

    • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:56 AM

      Correct. The Wilpoons may be as incompetent as Scrooge McLoria, but they are not even remotely as sociopathic.

  9. Jeremiah Graves - Apr 26, 2013 at 11:59 AM

    Someone with a dump truck full of money and old paintings needs to swoop in and buy him out. He clearly doesn’t like baseball. He clearly doesn’t understand baseball. He’s clearly a douche-canoe. Get him outta there!

    • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:02 PM

      It would be like trying to pull Excalibur out of a pile of Brachiosaurus coprolite.

      • 4d3fect - Apr 26, 2013 at 3:37 PM

        Without the Wagner soundtrack.

      • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 6:48 PM

        Lose the picture portion of the transmission and folks will think they’re watching Apocalypse Now again.

        Of course, if you’re a Feesh fan, that’s pretty much what you are watching.

    • chill1184 - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:08 PM

      Good luck with that one, Lord Selig didnt kick out Wilpon what makes you think hes going to remove Loria?

      • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:15 PM

        I’m uncomfortable with you granting nobility to Bud.

      • chill1184 - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:21 PM


        Ok fine would Commrade Selig make you feel better?

      • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:30 PM

        How about “Slug Bud”? Or, maybe no honorable title at all… Or, “Bud Selig, TFD” (total effing douche)…or, something that acknowledges his ineptitude, like Sen. Selig…

      • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 6:49 PM

        Histy: always two there are, a master and an apprentice. What does that make poor Joe Torre?

      • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 7:47 PM

        Roy Cohn

  10. rbj1 - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:29 PM

    What Loria needs to do is hire a guy who can make these game time decisions. I’ve even got a title for such a guy: manager.

  11. styx630 - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:32 PM

    All I can do at this point is laugh.

  12. gerryb323 - Apr 26, 2013 at 12:46 PM


  13. heat256 - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:24 PM

    The only thing that Marlins fans can hope for is that Loria comes down in the middle of a game to try and teacj Stanton the proper batting stance that culminates with Stanton bludgeoning Loria in front of thousands of fans (or 4 if it’s a home game). Doubtful a jury would convict him.

    • heat256 - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:25 PM


  14. yahmule - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:38 PM

    I personally demand that Jeffrey Loria squat naked over a cobra.

    • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:58 PM

      Why you hate cobras?

      • yahmule - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:03 PM

        I’m under the belief that a reptilian brain couldn’t comprehend the sheer horror of that situation.

      • stlouis1baseball - Apr 26, 2013 at 5:03 PM

        I think we should just go with Bud Fucking Selig.

        I had a friend in high school who’s name was/is Scott.
        Dude was always doing something to piss me (and most everyone else)…off.
        So…every time I referred to him I said “Fucking Scott.”
        You know…
        “Rich, Eric, Greg, myself and Fucking Scott went to a party at IU over the weekend.
        “We are going to fucking Scott’s to play basketball.”
        “Most of our senior class is going to Daytona this spring break. We are taking fucking Scott’s van.”
        It stuck. To this day (20+ years later)…most of us still refer to him as “fucking Scott.”

        Bud Fucking Selig.

  15. rbj1 - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:56 PM

    Let’s ask Mark Buerhle & Jose Reyes about Loria’s credibility.

  16. El Bravo - Apr 26, 2013 at 1:58 PM

    He also denies he F’d up his team and F’d over his town.

  17. vader000 - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:06 PM

    Any story about Loria and his stupidity/douchebaggery/generallackofanygoodquality is probably the only time you will see the comments section in complete harmony. Not a dissenting opinion to be found, and rightly so.

    • historiophiliac - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:17 PM

      And….cue jimmymarlinsfan…

      • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 3:40 PM

        Jimmy is busy plucking crows for dinner.

  18. sabatimus - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:14 PM

    I believe Loria didn’t meddle here. I also believe the Warren Commission got it right.

  19. billybawl - Apr 26, 2013 at 2:39 PM

    I’ve often wondered how Charlie O. Finley would have fared as an owner in the era of full-blown free agency, enormous payrolls and publicly funded baseball specific stadiums. I think I have an idea.

  20. sheriffpeyton18 - Apr 26, 2013 at 4:15 PM

    Loria should be stripped of anything mlb.

    • Old Gator - Apr 26, 2013 at 6:51 PM

      And if he’s wearing MLB undershorts? You really want to expose his hemipenis?

  21. flamethrower101 - Apr 26, 2013 at 5:50 PM

    I have no idea what to make of all this, but it seems to me Loria and friends just don’t know how the hell to run a baseball team, let alone a business.

    When Giancarlo Stanton first burst out onto the scene, I was so convinced that the Marlins would lock him up by now and make him their cornerstone. But after last year’s fire sale, I’m shocked he’s even still a Marlin. At this point the only thing going for them is that they don’t have to pay him yet. Next year he hits arbitration and I’ll be even more shocked if he’s still a Marlin with how much he’s expected to garner, even if he has a down year this year.

    Whether it makes business sense or not, he should be traded. Giancarlo is clearly unhappy in Miami and I can’t blame him. The longer they hold onto him, the more of him they’ll lose. They have completely screwed this franchise and it is a shame MLB has not taken more urgency with this predicament.

    • malbrecht4 - Apr 26, 2013 at 8:28 PM

      He doesn’t know Giancarlo Stanton and Mike Stanton are one and the same. He thinks Giancarlo is only in his 3rd season. He’ll get rid of him soon.

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