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Mariano Rivera to write his autobiography

Apr 29, 2013, 5:44 PM EDT

mariano rivera getty Getty Images

It’ll have one sentence about a cut fastball repeated over and over again and will, despite the predictability, will win the Nobel Prize for literature:

Little, Brown and Co. said Monday it will publish “The Closer” next spring in English, Spanish and audio editions. A children’s edition will follow that autumn … Says the 12-time All-Star: “Now is the time for me to finally tell my full story, of where I came from and what my game, my family, and my faith have meant to me every day.”

I love Rivera as a player, but I’m struggling to think of what would pass for drama here. I guess he has to have a few words about the 2001 World Series, but the rest of it will basically be the description of a dominance so consistent that it almost became boring in a weird way, paired up with what by all accounts has been a happy family life and commitment to his faith and community.

So, not a page-turner. But I don’t think I’d ever wish a page-turning life on anyone because that stuff has got to be chaotic. Which is to say, good for Mariano.

  1. El Bravo - Apr 29, 2013 at 5:49 PM

    Is it entitled “Duh Winning” or “Mo Money, No Problems”?

  2. vallewho - Apr 29, 2013 at 6:11 PM

    Don’t sell it short…2001 still hurts.

    • Brian Donohue - Apr 29, 2013 at 7:06 PM

      That’ll be the shortest chapter: “I splintered four bats, turned ’em into effing firewood, and lost.”

    • mybrunoblog - Apr 29, 2013 at 7:26 PM

      Agreed about 2001. I think a guy like Rivera moved on but as fans that was a tough one. Considering what we were all going through at that time in history we all really wanted that title. I’d gladly trade any on the four previous titles to have that 2001 championship but alas it was not to be.
      In a weird way it kind of fit the mood of the whole area back then. Sad, angry, disappointing and heartbreaking.

      • dirtyharry1971 - Apr 30, 2013 at 9:51 AM

        Id never trade in our three-peat for anything

  3. thomas844 - Apr 29, 2013 at 6:25 PM

    “I’m struggling to think of what would pass for drama here.”

    Most likely there would not be much drama or suspense in the life of the planet’s greatest closer of all time, but you never know, there could be something he has never opened up about before that he will mention in the book. We could be surprised at some stuff that he writes about.

  4. sumerduckman - Apr 29, 2013 at 6:28 PM

    “It’ll have one sentence about a cut fastball repeated over and over again ”

    No, just three words, cut fastball and …. location, location, location.

  5. atltoarizona - Apr 29, 2013 at 6:51 PM

    There has to be at least one chapter simply titled “The Cutter.”

  6. Bob Timmermann - Apr 29, 2013 at 6:56 PM

    Was someone else planning to write Rivera’s autobiography? Because then I’m confused.

  7. shanabartels - Apr 29, 2013 at 7:40 PM

    I can’t disagree with Craig’s assessment that Rivera’s book will probably lack the drama of R.A. Dickey’s stressful upbringing or the harrowing tales Dirk Hayhurst told of his dysfunctional family life. But maybe we’ll be lucky and it’ll be at least half as funny as Ball Four, or something. By the time this book comes out, I will be missing Mo terribly and I won’t be too picky.

  8. piesfan1 - Apr 29, 2013 at 9:27 PM

    Maybe there will be a chapter titleed, ‘The pressures of coming in and getting a flyout with an 8 run lead.”

    • nbjays - Apr 29, 2013 at 10:05 PM

      Or the one about the 2004 ALCS titled simply “David Effing Ortiz”

    • zzalapski - Apr 29, 2013 at 10:13 PM

      This thread is about Mariano Rivera’s autobiography, not Tanyon Sturtze’s.

  9. historiophiliac - Apr 29, 2013 at 11:57 PM

    $10 says Mo doesn’t Valentine any of his teammates.

    • 18thstreet - Apr 30, 2013 at 9:32 AM

      I fully expect him to spend a chapter or two slamming Jeter, Posada, and Pettitte while defending A-Rod and Kevin Brown. Now THAT would be drama.

  10. dirtyharry1971 - Apr 30, 2013 at 9:55 AM

    Or how about the world’s smallest book, we can call it Bluejay Championships “94-“14 ? Of course we will have to release it next year and you can get thru this book in like 45 seconds at most, even if proudly was reading it!!

  11. nbjays - Apr 30, 2013 at 10:27 AM

    Still a longer book than “dirtyharry1971’s most thoughtful and constructive non-Blue Jay hating posts on HBT”.

    THAT doesn’t even exist…

    • dirtyharry1971 - Apr 30, 2013 at 9:37 PM

      not even remotely funny, come up with your own material, seriously

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