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Juan Pierre celebrates 600th stolen base with Honey Buns and Hawaiian Punch

May 3, 2013, 4:49 PM EST

honey buns

Last night Juan Pierre became the 18th player in baseball history with at least 600 stolen bases, which was cause for celebration in the Marlins clubhouse.

But as Craig Davis of the South Florida Sun Sentinel writes, they went in a different direction than the usual champagne:

The head-scratcher was the pyramid of Hawaiian Punch cans surrounded by Honey Buns. That was the result of the Marlins posing the question to Pierre’s wife Liz: What do you get a man who has stolen 600 bases?

“I love Honey Buns and Hawaiian Punch. That’s the thing. I don’t drink, so champagne or none of that, that doesn’t do me any good. Hawaiian Punch and Honey Buns is a very good surprise,” Pierre said.

So to all the kids out there: If you want to play 14 seasons in the majors as one of the fastest (and skinniest) players in baseball and remain a stolen base threat into your mid-30s the key is … Hawaiian Punch and Honey Buns. At least until MLB bans them for being performance-enhancing.

  1. danaking - May 3, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    This is the first smile-inducing story about the Marlins all year.

    • Old Gator - May 3, 2013 at 10:35 PM

      Yeah, until Pierre’s pancreas implodes.

      • dan1111 - May 4, 2013 at 4:07 AM

        Think of all the aspiring young baseball players who are going to get the diabeetus because of the substances their role model puts in his body.

  2. thomas844 - May 3, 2013 at 5:01 PM

    Ruth did it on hot dogs and beer, Pierre does it on Honey Buns and Hawaiian Punch.

  3. indaburg - May 3, 2013 at 5:05 PM

    Little Debbie? Nah. Tastykakes. If you’re gonna have a coma inducing sugar snack, do it right.

    • historiophiliac - May 3, 2013 at 5:56 PM

      Hostess is making a comeback.

      • indaburg - May 3, 2013 at 5:57 PM

        Tastykakes!

      • historiophiliac - May 3, 2013 at 5:58 PM

        Cake-eaters. Sheesh.

      • indaburg - May 3, 2013 at 6:08 PM

        Tastykake! Tastykake! Tastykake!

        I need a drink. Goose Island Honker’s Ale. Cheers.

      • historiophiliac - May 3, 2013 at 6:13 PM

        Wow, that went from cake to alcohol pretty quick…are you sure you don’t want to switch to the adult dessert table?

        One of my girls is moving to Iowa (Lord!) and we are giving her a send off tonight at a place where I will be one of the few Anglos present. :) So, cheers back at ya!

      • indaburg - May 3, 2013 at 6:17 PM

        I was in Iowa once. I was a teenager, and I ran away. To Iowa. (Where do New York kids run away to? Iowa.) I liked it. Nice people. Flatter than a pancake. Lots of corn fields. I thought that was just a stereotype but damn, that was a lot of corn.

        Dark chocolate cake and glass of cabernet, woman. I’m telling ya. It is da bomb. Have fun tonight!

      • historiophiliac - May 3, 2013 at 6:27 PM

        I knew you weren’t right. Running away to Iowa.

      • indaburg - May 3, 2013 at 6:35 PM

        It took you this long?

      • historiophiliac - May 3, 2013 at 6:38 PM

        Eh, I don’t judge. I mean, I wondered, obviously, since you eat cake and are kind to Beavermen. I thought maybe the kids did it to you. lol

      • indaburg - May 3, 2013 at 6:46 PM

        Have you ever eaten Tres Leches Cake? You need to try it. You will know why I am firmly Team Cake until my last day. No hyperbole here.

        Kind? I tolerate them. I need them for their delicious maple syrup. Vermont just isn’t cutting it.

      • historiophiliac - May 3, 2013 at 6:50 PM

        Real maple syrup is too much. When I lived in New England, it was horrifying — they put it on everything (and none of it fried).

      • abaird2012 - May 3, 2013 at 6:22 PM

        Was it heaven?

      • indaburg - May 3, 2013 at 7:22 PM

        No, it was Iowa.

    • bleedgreen - May 3, 2013 at 6:10 PM

      Don’t let Nick Saban hear you say that.

  4. ken49ers - May 3, 2013 at 5:07 PM

    Did he eat the whole box, or only Juan?

    • mazblast - May 4, 2013 at 1:04 AM

      That’s awful–but I laughed.

  5. Brian Donohue - May 3, 2013 at 5:16 PM

    Oh our mayor here in NYC would ban them if he could stick around (we’re hoping he’s gone this fall, barring another purchase of the city council and altering of electoral law). He’s gone after soda pop and big meals at restaurants so far. If Juan’s treat is anything like the Cinnabons I used to gorge on in my 20’s, it will be right in Bloomberg’s target sight. Just looking at those Cinnabon things would make your carotid artery start clotting. Damn, they were evil, and I loved them.

    • mazblast - May 4, 2013 at 1:06 AM

      Cinnabon–They’re still big, they’re still evil, and while I don’t have them very often, I still love them. I’ve made it this far (57), and if my arteries turn to concrete and I keel over tomorrow, no worries.

  6. chacochicken - May 3, 2013 at 5:37 PM

    Diabetus

    • historiophiliac - May 3, 2013 at 5:57 PM

      Dammit, stop waving your feathers in front of me, chicken.

      • chacochicken - May 3, 2013 at 6:28 PM

      • historiophiliac - May 3, 2013 at 6:42 PM

        You wish.

    • sportsfanjay - May 3, 2013 at 6:18 PM

      Wilford Brimley. Nicely done chaco…

  7. pilonflats - May 3, 2013 at 5:44 PM

    Pierre is a cool guy – its not his fault that he’s been grossly overpaid over the years – give his agent and dumb gm’s the credit for that one

    • jtorrey13 - May 3, 2013 at 5:54 PM

      I think I was a bit more long-winded in my reply to say the exact same thing – and why I missed your post.

  8. jtorrey13 - May 3, 2013 at 5:48 PM

    It’s funny. From what I know about Juan Pierre, he is a fan of the history of the game, he has a great work ethic and now I know he’s not a slave to custom. He seems like an awesome guy.

    That’s why it’s so weird why I so often feel like I hate him, in the way that baseball fans “hate” anything other than change. But, I have an easy reason. Ned Colletti.

    Ned Colletti signed Juan Pierre to a five-year $44 million deal in 2006. (I also think Ned’s largesse is why people don’t like Andruw Jones as much.) It seemed like he signed him for all the reasons that Fire Joe Morgan mocked – grit, hustle and magical leadership – and he went on to have a 0.696 OPS during the deal (per Dayn Perry – http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/blog/eye-on-baseball/20191865/ned-collettis-best-and-worst-deals). He totalled 5.7 WAR over those five years, including a year of -0.2 and another of -1.0. His wRC+ (with 100 being average and below it being below average) were 82, 76, 106, 80, 79. (Thanks Fangraphs! http://www.fangraphs.com/statss.aspx?playerid=443&position=OF)

    So, what am I saying? Juan Pierre is righteous. It’s Ned and the idiots like him who don’t think when they spend millions and bring ruination on our teams who deserve our ire. (See also, Suppan, Jeff, Zito, Barry, and to a lesser degree because he thinks of himself as a centaur, Rodriguez, Alex.)

    • niceguyeddie11 - May 3, 2013 at 7:03 PM

      I don’t think stats that take slugging, i,e, hitting for power, into consideration are a good way to measure Juan Pierre and for me this is the problem with some of the advanced metrics: they don’t take the guys particular style of play into consideration.. Pierre didn’t hit a lot of doubles but he hit a ton of singles and then stole 2nd…and then 3rd, and he scored a ton of runs because of that. Well that’s going to hurt his slugging but the end result is the desired.

      Pierre had 5 straight years of 162 played. What stat does that show up on?

      In a 12 year career he only went on the DL once. Where’s the value metric for that?

      His career numbers are great when you apply them to how he played his game. Was 4 years/$44M too much? It’s better than what the Mets paid for an oft injured but statistically awesome Santana.

  9. BeEtLjOoZ - May 3, 2013 at 5:51 PM

    Reblogged this on #LouisianaMultiverse.

  10. 13arod - May 3, 2013 at 7:09 PM

    sounds good

  11. bigsdawg - May 3, 2013 at 8:46 PM

    Off subject but hostess needs to re-introduce turtle pies.

    • Old Gator - May 3, 2013 at 10:38 PM

      Just get Twinkies back on the shelf. I have gallons of coconut oil going to waste here.

  12. mazblast - May 4, 2013 at 1:11 AM

    Juan Pierre has always been one of those guys who’s better in fantasy baseball than in real baseball. He does one thing well, but he does it VERY well.

    He’s a one trick pony
    One trick is all that horse can do
    He’s a one trick pony
    It’s the principal source of his revenue

  13. anxovies - May 4, 2013 at 8:40 PM

    Little Debby. My favorite girl.

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