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Great Moments in A-Rod hate

May 7, 2013, 9:25 AM EDT

New York Yankees' Rodriguez reacts to a reporter's question after arriving at the Yankees' minor league baseball complex in Tampa

If you thought that Kevin Kernan column I just linked was bad you haven’t read Bob Klapisch’s A-Rod column yet. Really, I feel like I should apologize to Kernan right now because compared to Klapisch’s his was like a Murrow op-ed.

Klapisch’s is like a parody of every A-Rod thing you’ve ever read. He says, with a straight face, that the Yankees are probably better off without A-Rod. Which, hey, I’ll grant that A-Rod is unlikely to be his old MVP self, but when the Yankees starting third baseman is Jayson Nix, such a claim is more about wish fulfillment than baseball analysis. A hobbled A-Rod still hit 18 homers and got on base at a .353 clip last year.

But what’s more comical about it is Kapisch’s armchair psychology of A-Rod. He diagnoses a “psychological dependence on PEDs” on A-Rod’s part. Then:

That’s where the need for PEDs comes in. Drill down deep enough and you find nothing but insecurity in A-Rod’s algorithms, the need to be loved, hailed, praised, all of which require a shot of steroids or a dab of HGH — anything that would guarantee A-Rod what he lacked most: approval.

It’s amazing to me that Bob Klapisch has maintained such a successful journalism career while simultaneously obtaining his psychiatry degree and spending all of those sessions with Rodriguez. A true renaissance man.

Or, maybe, Klapisch is just doing bullcrap armchair psychological analysis. In which case he can’t begrudge me for diagnosing him with A-Rod Derangement Syndrome. You see, when someone covers someone he dislikes for so long, one begins to feel guilt and shame for not spending his time around people he enjoys more. Thus, the mind tricks the subject into turning the dreary pursuit into something more noble and important so one does not feel he is wasting his energy on something as petty as hate. Now he has to literally save people and institutions from a MONSTER! He has a noble calling, now, to protect us from someone who is just as bad as, say, a serial killing psychopath!

Hahaha, I know. That’s silly:

This might be A-Rod’s dream, but as of Monday, the Yankees believe otherwise. They just added Freddy Krueger to the roster.

Oh. Well then.

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