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Must-click link: cheesecake pictures of early 80s baseball stars

May 21, 2013, 11:02 AM EDT

Phil Garner

I guess whether this is truly “must-click” depends on how you roll. But if you like to look at once-young, once-handsome athletes in swimsuits, towels and, in a couple of cases, nothing but strategically-posed thighs — or if you’re not necessarily into that but are secure enough in your masculinity to appreciate how hilarious such pics truly are — you wanna go read Michael Clair’s guest post at Baseball Prospectus:

Perhaps lost amidst the frenzy of cocaine, the advent of the CD player, and the soulful tunes of After the Fire, during the early 1980s Playgirl magazine convinced a number of baseball stars to pose seductively within their pages.

Michael has it all: Steve McCatty unasahmed of his budding love handles. George Brett, seductively posing beneath a palm frond. Disco Dan Ford in a sauna. Jerry Remy in a swimsuit. Phil Garner in short-shorts. Rickey Henderson in short-short-short shorts. Steve Stone as naked as the day he was born.

You might say you don’t want to click. But you do. C’mon. You do. We won’t think anything less of you. Open your mind to Jerry Remy’s sexiness. C’mon, OPEN IT.

  1. sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - May 21, 2013 at 11:07 AM

    Do you guys use tracking cookies? Like, will you know forever which of us clicked? I’m not saying it matters one way or the other, but uhhh…will anyone ever find out?

    • pinkfloydprism - May 21, 2013 at 12:18 PM

      Craig either has a secret fetish, or just got all of us to look at playgirl… well played.

      • kevinbnyc - May 21, 2013 at 12:54 PM

        It’s his greatest non-Phillies troll to date.

    • natslady - May 21, 2013 at 8:12 PM

      Who cares?

      Dan Haren got T-shirts of McCatty’s Playgirl shot made today. “UNTUCK” on back. “Utter joy,” Clippard said. “This is the best day of my life.”

      (Steve McCatty is the Nats pitching coach. He is generally considered to rule both the rotation and the bullpen with an iron hand).

  2. mybrunoblog - May 21, 2013 at 11:18 AM

    Man those were creepy. I completely understand the lens of time makes you more focused and aware of things but did anyone ever think “this is a weird idea” ???

  3. hojo20 - May 21, 2013 at 11:27 AM

    I won’t click the link, as my IT administrator could then blackmail me for looking at Playgirl photos.

  4. sabatimus - May 21, 2013 at 11:29 AM

    It’s the short shorts. I laughed my butt off.

  5. cur68 - May 21, 2013 at 11:31 AM

    I admit it. I looked. BUTT I was chequing for bacne. Its the only way to be sure about those guys.

  6. abaird2012 - May 21, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    I feel dirty just for clicking on the story, forget about the link.

  7. genericcommenter - May 21, 2013 at 11:36 AM

    My favorite “cheesecake” pic of all time is that one Pete Rose one. You know what I’m talking about. It made me feel good to be out of shape yet still have a better physique than an elite athlete (though perhaps he subscribes to the “I’m not an athlete, lady. I’m a ballplayer” thing).

  8. chacochicken - May 21, 2013 at 11:43 AM

    Rickey was a christmas gift to all the ladies out there.

    • professormaddog31 - May 21, 2013 at 12:12 PM

      I need a gift receipt.

      • chacochicken - May 21, 2013 at 12:23 PM

        Nobody returns Rickey. Just give him a chance and he’ll steal your heart on his way home.

      • professormaddog31 - May 21, 2013 at 12:46 PM

        LOL chaco – that sounds like the blurb for a feel-good family movie.

    • indaburg - May 21, 2013 at 12:46 PM

      Rickey was looking pretty good. No receipt for me.

      • professormaddog31 - May 21, 2013 at 12:49 PM

        Makes you wonder if they have any of these from the 90s. Not that anyone who trips my trigger would have posed. :p

      • indaburg - May 21, 2013 at 2:00 PM

        I was hoping for a Ron Darling 80s pic. :-)

      • professormaddog31 - May 21, 2013 at 2:05 PM

        You would. :D (Why do I remember this stuff? LOL)

      • historiophiliac - May 21, 2013 at 1:08 PM

        A gasp escaped her as his calloused baseball hands found her milky white breasts. Then, all was still…

        “Rickey Henderson is fast,” he said, hanging his head.
        “historiophiliac is disappointed.”

      • indaburg - May 21, 2013 at 2:01 PM

        Can Rickey go again? Rickey has hands too.

      • historiophiliac - May 21, 2013 at 2:04 PM

        *THIS REPLY IS CENSORED*

      • chacochicken - May 21, 2013 at 2:48 PM

        Remember Rickey has the record for scoring.

      • indaburg - May 21, 2013 at 2:51 PM

        So Rickey can go again and again and again…

  9. genericcommenter - May 21, 2013 at 11:43 AM

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but after looking at that link and reading the scouting reports (“thigh meat” grades!) I find it hard to believe that anyone didn’t know that Playgirl was read by a gay male audience.

    • genericcommenter - May 22, 2013 at 3:18 PM

      I just wanted to emphasize the Not That There’s Anything Wrong with that part. It was just an observation. I know a lot of guys who like guys, women who like guys, and women who like women. I like chicks, man; but I watch sports and grewup as a fan of wrestling and bodybuilding. So I’m cool with looking at dudes’ bodies. Playgirl has always been read by a lot of guys. This was my first time reading anything from it, and the emphasis and and language used was interesting and seemed to be indicative of that marketing focus, IMHO.

  10. js20011041 - May 21, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    This just reminds me how much I loved Steve Stone in the Police Academy movies.

  11. professormaddog31 - May 21, 2013 at 11:46 AM

    Blech. So 80′s. Too much facial hair. Too much of what I call the “cheesy poof” hairstyle. Just…blah. Why is it that these eye candy photos are never of anyone I’d want to see in various stages of the altogether? I suppose I have to settle for blurry screen caps of YouTube vids and one shirtless photograph to satisfy my prurient desires.

    • indaburg - May 21, 2013 at 12:52 PM

      This is comedy gold. I still haven’t come up for air. Wtf was Steve Stone thinking?

      • professormaddog31 - May 21, 2013 at 12:54 PM

        He wanted to give Steve Guttenberg a run for his money? I’m dying here.

  12. papalurchdxb - May 21, 2013 at 12:02 PM

    Phil Garner = Will Ferrell’s inspiration for Anchorman.

  13. historiophiliac - May 21, 2013 at 12:05 PM

    I must leave this one alone. If I start, I will not stop with the snarky comments, the comic assessments, and the dirty jabs. No, this is one for a bored weekend of heavy drinking. Resisting…temptation….

    • professormaddog31 - May 21, 2013 at 12:11 PM

      do it, historio. Dooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiit.

      (also, I’m glad you’re all right. I hope you’re not too close to the OKC area.)

    • cur68 - May 21, 2013 at 12:17 PM

      I don’t understand why you are being so charitable. If those were the wives or girlfriends of those ball players, NOTHING would stop me, and every other hormonally driven male who comments on this board, from trying to top each other for Best Veiled Reference on the Anatomy & Physiology of the aforesaid ladies. NOTHING.

      Too much restraint is bad for you, y’know?

      • historiophiliac - May 21, 2013 at 12:21 PM

        You just want me to get yelled at on here again.

      • cur68 - May 21, 2013 at 12:25 PM

        No. No I do not want that. What I want is Jessica Alba on my lap, wearing reading glasses and attempting to get me to pay attention to her reading War & Peace at me. THAT’S what I want.

        Anyone yelling at you for making thinly veiled references ’bout the cheesy beefcake would be an asshole, and I’d tell them that. In fact I’d probably have to get in line to tell them that, so fire away.

      • historiophiliac - May 21, 2013 at 12:22 PM

        Okay, just one:

        Phil Garner, does that mustache go all the way down?

      • cur68 - May 21, 2013 at 12:26 PM

        FTW, baby

      • historiophiliac - May 21, 2013 at 12:58 PM

        Ok, ok.

        /throws quarters at computer screen

        Damn you, Steve Yeager’s ass!

      • indaburg - May 21, 2013 at 2:32 PM

        Besides Rickey, we were not given Alba POA quality to work with, sadly. This is comedy.

  14. scotttheskeptic - May 21, 2013 at 12:25 PM

    More impressed by the Roger Daltrey reference in the quoted passage.

  15. professormaddog31 - May 21, 2013 at 12:58 PM

    It’s the George Brett one that’s killing me. He looks like he was ambushed on vacation or something, poor guy. Because if there’s one thing that screams sex appeal, it’s looking like you’re about to meet up with the Brady Bunch at a luau.

  16. paperlions - May 21, 2013 at 1:08 PM

    I forgot that Steve Yeager went on to have a successful music career and did a bit of acting as well.

    • historiophiliac - May 21, 2013 at 1:10 PM

      Yeah, don’t read any of the above.

  17. stlouis1baseball - May 21, 2013 at 4:04 PM

    Alright…damn it. I looked as well. Didn’t realize Steve Stone was such a pretty boy.
    I also can’t believe I just wrote that. I need to take a shower now. I mean…I feel really dirty. Jeesh!

  18. foreverchipper10 - May 21, 2013 at 4:52 PM

    These are not pictures of well decorated baked goods….

  19. bigleagues - May 21, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    POS: INF/SEX GOD

    ABILITIES: WHETHER ON THE FIELD OR IN THE BEDROOM, JERRY REMY GETS IT DONE. A TRUE GRINDER, HE DOESN’T MIND GETTING DIRTY. LOTS OF HEART AND LOVE TO GIVE. WEAKNESSES: UNDERSIZED (BUT WE ALL KNOW SIZE DOESN’T MATTER).

    TURN ONS: BEING CALLED ‘REMDAWG’, LISTENING TO REM’S MURMUR,’ THE ART WORKS OF REMBRANDT

    SUMMATION: HE’S NOT YOUR NORMAL PLAYGIRL CENTERFOLD, BUT WE COULD DO A LOT WORSE THAN REMY. HAS A STRONG MUSTACHE AND PLENTY OF CHEST HAIR WHICH MAKE THIS TONY WARRIOR SEEM MUCH MORE IMPOSING. LIKE WHEN A BLOWFISH PUFFS ITSELF UP.

    The dude has battled Cancer and so far won. He had a nice Major League career. He is an excellent baseball analyst.

    But….

    Sex God. Grinder. Blowfish.

    Somehow I managed to type this, despite feeling weak from hysterical laughter. I’m not sure I can EVER watch the guy on TV again.

  20. Minoring In Baseball - May 21, 2013 at 8:43 PM

    Baseball in the ’80′s sure was great. Great memories.
    http://minoringinbaseball.com/

  21. romoscollarbone - May 21, 2013 at 10:50 PM

    Rickey has sex appeal and Rickey knows it.

  22. schmedley69 - May 22, 2013 at 1:57 AM

    Someone needs to compile a list of Bill James’ “scouting reports” on players looks from his old Baseball Abstract books.

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