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Indians’ closer Chris Perez pleads not guilty to misdemeanor drug possession

Jun 10, 2013, 6:33 PM EDT

chris perez mugshot

According to the Associated Press, Chris Perez and his wife pleaded not guilty today to misdemeanor possession after marijuana was delivered to their home in Ohio last week.

As we learned last week, the couple allegedly had “a little more than a third of a pound of marijuana or 163.9 grams” delivered to their home. Amusingly, the packages in question were addressed to their dog.

Police say postal inspectors tipped them to suspicious packages mailed to the Perez home and arranged a delivery last Tuesday under surveillance. Police say Melanie Perez accepted two packages.

Authorities say Melanie Perez, whose maiden name is Baum, told the undercover officer delivering the packages that they were intended for the family dog, named Brody. The package was addressed to Brody Baum.

The pleas that were faxed today requested that a requirement that the couple appear in person for a June 19 arraignment be dropped. It’s unlikely that the Indians’ closer will face any jail time.

Perez has been sidelined since May 26 with right shoulder soreness. The 27-year-old has a 4.32 ERA, six saves and an 18/10 K/BB ratio in 16 2/3 innings this season.

  1. Ben - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:37 PM

    Plausible deniability. That’s smart!

  2. waiverclaim - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:44 PM

    Bonus points if his dog was named “Timmy”

  3. heyblueyoustink - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:45 PM

    Eats the homework? Makes us pick up their poop? Orders reefer deliveries?

    Where’s the *real* lowest common denominator in this world?

  4. steelers88 - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:45 PM

    Man his dog is very smart.

  5. missthemexpos - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:45 PM

    If the dog ordered the marijuana online then I would say that is one smart puppy.

  6. pisano - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:46 PM

    Brilliant, that’s sure to throw the cops off, (the dogs name) unbelievable.

  7. tfbuckfutter - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:46 PM

    My dog also has glaucoma.

    • historiophiliac - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:57 PM

      You seriously are my favorite commenter.

      • tfbuckfutter - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:13 PM



        I will give you an upvote.

      • chacochicken - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:23 PM

        I am so jealous.

      • historiophiliac - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:33 PM

        Sorry, chicken.

        /plucks feather & innocently walks off

      • tfbuckfutter - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:36 PM

        Don’t be jealous chaco.

        I can also be YOUR favorite commenter.

      • heyblueyoustink - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:56 PM

        I know who I’m harassing this week, miss.

        I’ll go a paper and church on you!

      • historiophiliac - Jun 10, 2013 at 8:02 PM

        My plan to make you up your game is working!

    • Old Gator - Jun 10, 2013 at 8:38 PM

      Somewhere out there is an episode of Fernwood Tonight with the local opthamologist talking about the warning signs of glaucoma and inviting folks to his clinic to purchase glaucoma medicine. Of course, it turns out that everyone in the show band has glaucoma, etc. One of the funniest episodes of a hilarious, well ahead of its time show. But I’ve never been able to track it down.

      • tfbuckfutter - Jun 10, 2013 at 8:45 PM

        Oh God I HATED Fernwood Tonight.

        I would probably get it, and think it was funny now….but as a kid, when that came on during my Nick at Nite reruns I was always super-pissed.

        I just wanted more Green Acres or Patty Duke of My Three Sons (but NOT the episodes in color, UGH!). Or maybe some Dobie Gillis. But not Fernwood.

      • Old Gator - Jun 10, 2013 at 10:47 PM

        No Petticoat Junction?????? You are a source of bitter disappointment to me….

      • tfbuckfutter - Jun 10, 2013 at 11:01 PM

        I never actually watched that.

        And give me a break. I was 9. None of my friends even knew who the hell Donna Reed was.

      • APBA Guy - Jun 11, 2013 at 12:31 AM

        OG, nice tie-in to the thread topic, as it was impossible to watch that show when it originally aired without being high. I remember seeing Martin Mull at the “Childe Harold” in DC on DuPont Circle, then he was on Fernwood, later America Tonight. Frank DeVol, who played bandleader Happy Kyne, had an amazing number of TV show theme’s to his credit. You can get the DVD’s on eBay, etc.

      • Old Gator - Jun 11, 2013 at 10:03 AM

        tfb: that’s too bad, because a lot of us who were just a little older onanistically matured beneath the blankets when Petticoat Junction was on. It was the Baywatch of its generation and of the generations to come.


        APBA: there are lots of YouTube clips of FT but, unfortunately, you can search “glaucoma” and “eye doctor” from now till the All-Star Rupture and not find that one delirious episode. Search on I must….

  8. Shafer's Dealer - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:52 PM

    Between homework, farts, and now this, dogs are little shit heads….

    Side story, my dog ate 7 grams one day. She just kicked back for the rest of the day with no issues. Thankfully it was her and not me, I would have been mentally handicapped, wheelchair bound, dying of cancer, and raping the helpless (or so I have heard that’s what happens)

  9. jthammerstix - Jun 10, 2013 at 6:58 PM

    His dog is wifred

  10. chicitybulls - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:03 PM

    Is that the dog from Road Trip?

  11. brewcrewfan54 - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:04 PM

    If its possible what are the odds that his wife eventually takes the blame for this? Pretty sure Paul Molitor had a similar situation imvolving cocaine back in the 80’s. A girlfriend/wife/mistress whichever it was took the fall for him.

    • brewcrewfan54 - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:47 PM

      Decided to see what I could find and all I found was he testafied against a drug dealer and was never punished by MLB.

    • Old Gator - Jun 10, 2013 at 8:40 PM

      I don’t know about any of you, but if she takes the fall for her dog, man, that is love.

      • ltzep75 - Jun 11, 2013 at 12:00 AM

        Whoa, whoa whoa. We all know dogs are, in fact, man’s best fried. Long story short, dog learns how to speak before trial and cops to the whole thing.

        While this goes on, however, Perez’s cat will be planting blow throughout his house and anonymously tipping the feds – what with its tip to the locals having not panned out.

      • Old Gator - Jun 11, 2013 at 10:04 AM

        When are we going to learn that cats don’t like us?

  12. cur68 - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:09 PM

    Bad! Bad doggie! You naughty, naughty boy! You go to place and you THINK about what you did!…and don’t look at me like that. Stop it. You know I hate it when you look at me like that…awww….don’t cry….c’mon. Here’s a biccy. . .

    • historiophiliac - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:39 PM

      Maybe you can get a contact high when she farts.

      • cur68 - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:50 PM

        In her kennel and its a hothouse situation.

      • tfbuckfutter - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:51 PM

        Jesus, I wish I wasn’t too old to have the REALLY burnt out stoner friends…..

        Because it would be awesome to convince one of them that blowing pot smoke in the dog’s face and then inhaling it’s farts gets you doubly-high….something about how the dog’s body processes the THC man, I don’t know it’s all scientific, but I swear it works, I did it at my cousins house and we were baaaa-laaaazed.

        It would be amazing to see someone trying to suck on dog farts.

  13. nothanksimdriving123 - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:15 PM

    Just legalize it! If only for Brody’s sake.

  14. rbj1 - Jun 10, 2013 at 7:41 PM

    So that’s why my dogs lie around all day. They’re not sleeping, they’re stoned. It explains why they also like the Grateful Dead.

    • Old Gator - Jun 10, 2013 at 10:48 PM

      Your dogs may indeed just lie around because they’re stoned, but the like the Grateful Dead because they have immaculate good taste.

      • ltzep75 - Jun 11, 2013 at 12:02 AM

        Gator, you have just received your first thumbs up from me. Not that I find your posts to be thumb-worthy, one way or the other; but rather, that I think the thumb system to be crap. That is all.

  15. yahmule - Jun 10, 2013 at 8:17 PM

    I had a Chocolate Labrador named Brody. Such a gentle heart. He showed no interest in weed, despite being around it all his life.

    • historiophiliac - Jun 10, 2013 at 8:25 PM

      Dang, it looks like he had the munchies.

    • Old Gator - Jun 10, 2013 at 10:51 PM

      I have no chocolate Labradors, and I am not stoned, but I do have chocolate bunnies. I like to eat their eyeballs, arrange them in a crescent facing me on my nighttable, and then jump up and down on the bed and scream “stop looking at me like that!”

      • 4d3fect - Jun 11, 2013 at 12:03 AM

        You don’t eat the ears first?

      • ltzep75 - Jun 11, 2013 at 12:03 AM

        Ok. second thumb. But that’s it!

      • louhudson23 - Jun 11, 2013 at 11:13 AM

        Peyote perhaps??

      • Old Gator - Jun 11, 2013 at 2:31 PM

        The ears have little peppermint ticks in them.

  16. Stiller43 - Jun 11, 2013 at 12:39 AM

    Chick looks exactly like him. Sand beard of course…either way, gross…

    • jm91rs - Jun 11, 2013 at 8:57 AM

      Wow, you’re right. Someone photo shop a beard onto his wife and see what she looks like.

    • louhudson23 - Jun 11, 2013 at 11:17 AM

      They are giving the camera their synchronized “It’s Brody’s dope…….” expression normally reserved for their respective in-laws

  17. phaseetious - Jun 11, 2013 at 10:25 AM

    I’m pretty sure I have that polo shirt. Guess that isn’t the reason I am not a MLB pitcher.

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