Skip to content

Alex Rodriguez reminds me of my eight year-old son

Jul 25, 2013, 8:18 AM EDT

alex rodriguez getty Getty Images

I was once told a story about Alex Rodriguez, the specific details of which, unfortunately, I cannot share. It was told to me by a person who was party to the events which took place and had absolutely no reason to lie. I have 100% confidence that the story told to me was true.

The upshot was that Rodriguez engaged in Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X immediately after being told that Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X was something he TOTALLY should not do. No one was harmed, it was nothing that would cause a scandal if it came to light in the media. It was just a matter of “Don’t do that,” followed directly by A-Rod doing that and it made everyone involved want to smack their damn heads.

When asked what in the heck he was thinking, A-Rod simply and honestly said that he thought it was OK to engage in Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X. He was genuinely surprised that what he did created any problems at all. He had no malice, actually. It wasn’t plotted. To the extent he had any agenda it was a half-formed “I’ll show them” kind of thing that your eight year-old son might do If there was part of him that thought he was getting away with something.

I have an eight year-old son who does that kind of stuff a lot.  Sometimes he actually tries to get away with things — truly plots out his behavior — but his deviousness and malevolence are  just not particularly well-formed and his eight year-old brain is just not all that great at thinking more than a step or two ahead yet. It doesn’t mean he’s dumb. It doesn’t mean he’s bad. He just doesn’t operate on a level most people do when strategic thinking is called for.

I sort of feel like that’s where we are with Alex Rodriguez.

I have no idea what, exactly, A-Rod was trying to accomplish by sending Dr. Michael Gross out on that little media tour yesterday. It appears as though it was his effort to fire shots at a Yankees team he perceives to be working against his interests somehow. I can understand the impulse. He probably has a bit of a siege mentality at this point, and for good reason. People are comparing him to mass-murderers for cryin’ out loud, and the league in which he plays is trying to end his career before he wants it to end.

But the facts of his quad injury and rehab are such that trotting out Dr. Gross was gonna get messy no matter what. According to the Yankees, A-Rod did say his quad was hurting. According to the CBA there are right ways and wrong ways to get competing medical opinions. Even if Rodriguez is, on the facts, totally on the side of the angels here — if he can play and wants to and the Yankees are just dithering for P.R./political/Biogenesis reasons, there was no clear path to P.R. victory here for Rodriguez and he probably would have been better off not even sending Dr. Gross on Mike Francesa’s show yesterday. But based on what we can know about A-Rod from a distance, one gets the impression that that sort of thing just doesn’t register with him.

Or maybe I’m way off, I don’t know. Engaging in armchair psychoanalysis like this is even harder than diagnosing a quad strain via an MRI and a phone call.

But I do know this much: Dr. Gross had no idea what he was getting into when he went on his mini media tour yesterday. After saying that he agreed to look at A-Rod’s MRI and that he didn’t take any payment for it, he said this to ESPN New York:

“I did it because I thought it would be fun,” Gross said. “I thought it would be interesting to be on this side of stuff. It was a lot of fun until the last half hour.”

I almost feel sorry for him. But really kids: if Alex Rodriguez asks you to go out and say things on his behalf, by all means, wear a freakin’ flak jacket. They’re firing live bullets out there. And A-Rod probably didn’t plan the operation like Wellington planned Waterloo.

Latest Posts
  1. Kyle Lobstein lands on 15-day DL with sore shoulder

    May 24, 2015, 1:25 PM EDT

    lobstein getty Getty Images

    Kyle Lobstein made the Tigers’ starting rotation out of spring training with Justin Verlander (triceps) ticketed for the disabled list. But that spot will now go to right-hander Buck Farmer because Lobstein needs a disabled list stint of his own.

  2. Shane Victorino heads back to the disabled list

    May 24, 2015, 12:32 PM EDT

    shane victorino getty Getty Images

    Victorino has appeared in just 50 of a possible 205 games over the last two seasons due to a variety of leg and back problems.

  3. Mitch Harris’ journey from the Naval Academy to MLB

    May 24, 2015, 11:45 AM EDT

    mitch harris getty Getty Images

    Really cool feature here from MLB Network on Mitch Harris’ unique path from the United States Naval Academy to a bullpen job with the NL Central-leading St. Louis Cardinals …

  4. Yan Gomes returns to the Indians’ lineup after missing six weeks with a sprained right knee

    May 24, 2015, 10:59 AM EDT

    yan gomes getty Getty Images

    Gomes, 27, batted .278/.313/.472 with 21 home runs and 74 RBI in 135 games last season for the Tribe, earning his first Silver Slugger Award. Cleveland (17-23) could use a big offensive boost right about now.

  5. Marlins jump in Clevelander pool after snapping losing streak

    May 24, 2015, 10:04 AM EDT

    marlins getty Getty Images

    Miami defeated Baltimore to snap an eight-game losing streak late Saturday night on a Martin Prado walkoff RBI single in the bottom of the 13th inning.

  6. Video: Anthony Rizzo slugs game-winning three-run shot

    May 24, 2015, 9:21 AM EDT

    anthony rizzo getty Getty Images

    Rizzo also hit a three-run double in the fifth, finishing the game with a career-high-tying six RBI.

  7. Settling the Score: Saturday’s results

    May 24, 2015, 8:37 AM EDT

    alex gordon getty Getty Images

    Your box scores and recaps from Saturday …

  8. Play of the Day: Joey Votto makes a ridiculous throw to complete a double play

    May 23, 2015, 11:25 PM EDT

    Joey Votto Joey Votto

    Joey Votto made an unorthodox throw to help turn a double play against the Indians on Saturday.

  9. Brian Matusz was ejected for having a foreign substance on his arm

    May 23, 2015, 10:47 PM EDT

    Brian Matusz Brian Matusz

    Brian Matusz is the second lefty reliever to be ejected for having a foreign substance on his arm.

  10. The Marlins had interest in Jonathan Papelbon before firing Mike Redmond

    May 23, 2015, 10:40 PM EDT

    Jonathan Papelbon Getty Images

    The Marlins were considering upgrading their bullpen with Jonathan Papelbon.

  11. Josh Hamilton will join the Rangers on Monday

    May 23, 2015, 9:58 PM EDT

    Josh Hamilton Josh Hamilton

    Josh Hamilton will be added to the Rangers’ roster on Monday.

  12. Video: White Sox retire Paul Konerko’s number 14

    May 23, 2015, 9:25 PM EDT

    Paul Konerko Paul Konerko

    Paul Konerko was honored before Saturday’s Twins/White Sox game as his number 14 was retired.

  13. Dodgers place Yasmani Grandal on the seven-day concussion disabled list

    May 23, 2015, 8:35 PM EDT

    Yasmani Grandal Yasmani Grandal

    Yasmani Grandal was hit by a backswing on Friday and will spend at least a week on the bench to recuperate.

  14. Prince Fielder and Ryan Howard are back

    May 23, 2015, 7:45 PM EDT

    Prince Fielder Prince Fielder

    A pair of previously injured and aging first basemen have performed well as baseball’s second month nears its conclusion.

  15. The Phillies aren’t happy about the soft music played at Nationals Park

    May 23, 2015, 6:59 PM EDT

    Ryne Sandberg Ryne Sandberg

    The Nationals are trying to get into the heads of the Phillies by playing soft music during batting practice at Nationals Park.

  16. The Astros turned a 5-4-3 triple play against the Tigers

    May 23, 2015, 6:01 PM EDT

    Houston Astros Houston Astros

    The Houston Astros used a 5-4-3 triple play to get out of a jam against the Tigers on Saturday.

  17. Ben Zobrist on track to return from disabled list Monday

    May 23, 2015, 5:28 PM EDT

    OAKLAND, CA - APRIL 12:  Wearing a Rawlings "I Web" baseball glove Ben Zobrist #18 of the Oakland Athletics warms up playing catch prior to the start of the game against the Seattle Mariners at O.co Coliseum on April 12, 2015 in Oakland, California.  (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images) Getty Images

    Ben Zobrist reqired arthroscopic surgery on his right knee on April 28, but he’s set to rejoin the Athletics sooner than originally anticipated.

  18. Justin Verlander set to test triceps injury with simulated game

    May 23, 2015, 4:13 PM EDT

    Justin Verlander AP

    Justin Verlander is ready to take the next step in his long road back from a right triceps strain.

  19. UPDATE: David Wright diagnosed with spinal stenosis

    May 23, 2015, 3:01 PM EDT

    WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 09:  David Wright #5 of the New York Mets warms up before the game against the Washington Nationals at Nationals Park on April 9, 2015 in Washington, DC.  (Photo by G Fiume/Getty Images) Getty Images

    Wright has been sidelined since April 14 and he’s not close to rejoining the Mets.

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. J. Hamilton (3576)
  2. D. Travis (3522)
  3. R. Castillo (3482)
  4. L. McCullers (3231)
  5. A. Pujols (3069)
  1. D. Wright (3031)
  2. H. Ryu (2987)
  3. C. Crisp (2984)
  4. J. Reyes (2970)
  5. Y. Puig (2965)