Skip to content

Alex Rodriguez reminds me of my eight year-old son

Jul 25, 2013, 8:18 AM EDT

alex rodriguez getty Getty Images

I was once told a story about Alex Rodriguez, the specific details of which, unfortunately, I cannot share. It was told to me by a person who was party to the events which took place and had absolutely no reason to lie. I have 100% confidence that the story told to me was true.

The upshot was that Rodriguez engaged in Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X immediately after being told that Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X was something he TOTALLY should not do. No one was harmed, it was nothing that would cause a scandal if it came to light in the media. It was just a matter of “Don’t do that,” followed directly by A-Rod doing that and it made everyone involved want to smack their damn heads.

When asked what in the heck he was thinking, A-Rod simply and honestly said that he thought it was OK to engage in Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X. He was genuinely surprised that what he did created any problems at all. He had no malice, actually. It wasn’t plotted. To the extent he had any agenda it was a half-formed “I’ll show them” kind of thing that your eight year-old son might do If there was part of him that thought he was getting away with something.

I have an eight year-old son who does that kind of stuff a lot.  Sometimes he actually tries to get away with things — truly plots out his behavior — but his deviousness and malevolence are  just not particularly well-formed and his eight year-old brain is just not all that great at thinking more than a step or two ahead yet. It doesn’t mean he’s dumb. It doesn’t mean he’s bad. He just doesn’t operate on a level most people do when strategic thinking is called for.

I sort of feel like that’s where we are with Alex Rodriguez.

I have no idea what, exactly, A-Rod was trying to accomplish by sending Dr. Michael Gross out on that little media tour yesterday. It appears as though it was his effort to fire shots at a Yankees team he perceives to be working against his interests somehow. I can understand the impulse. He probably has a bit of a siege mentality at this point, and for good reason. People are comparing him to mass-murderers for cryin’ out loud, and the league in which he plays is trying to end his career before he wants it to end.

But the facts of his quad injury and rehab are such that trotting out Dr. Gross was gonna get messy no matter what. According to the Yankees, A-Rod did say his quad was hurting. According to the CBA there are right ways and wrong ways to get competing medical opinions. Even if Rodriguez is, on the facts, totally on the side of the angels here — if he can play and wants to and the Yankees are just dithering for P.R./political/Biogenesis reasons, there was no clear path to P.R. victory here for Rodriguez and he probably would have been better off not even sending Dr. Gross on Mike Francesa’s show yesterday. But based on what we can know about A-Rod from a distance, one gets the impression that that sort of thing just doesn’t register with him.

Or maybe I’m way off, I don’t know. Engaging in armchair psychoanalysis like this is even harder than diagnosing a quad strain via an MRI and a phone call.

But I do know this much: Dr. Gross had no idea what he was getting into when he went on his mini media tour yesterday. After saying that he agreed to look at A-Rod’s MRI and that he didn’t take any payment for it, he said this to ESPN New York:

“I did it because I thought it would be fun,” Gross said. “I thought it would be interesting to be on this side of stuff. It was a lot of fun until the last half hour.”

I almost feel sorry for him. But really kids: if Alex Rodriguez asks you to go out and say things on his behalf, by all means, wear a freakin’ flak jacket. They’re firing live bullets out there. And A-Rod probably didn’t plan the operation like Wellington planned Waterloo.

Latest Posts
  1. Paul Goldschmidt excused from Diamondbacks to be present for the birth of his first child

    Sep 2, 2015, 8:05 PM EDT

    Philadelphia Phillies v Arizona Diamondbacks Getty Images

    Arizona has a scheduled team off day Thursday, so Goldschmidt is only going to miss a game or two.

  2. Video: Albert Pujols cranks his 35th home run of the season, 555th home run of his career

    Sep 2, 2015, 7:22 PM EDT

    Albert Pujols AP

    Pujols is now just one of four players in the history of Major League Baseball to reach the 35-homer plateau in 10 of his first 15 major league seasons.

  3. Giants release infielder Everth Cabrera

    Sep 2, 2015, 6:30 PM EDT

    Everth Cabrera Everth Cabrera

    Cabrera signed a minor league deal with San Francisco in mid-July after getting released by the Orioles.

  4. Mike Rizzo thinks Matt Williams “pushed all the right buttons” last night

    Sep 2, 2015, 5:43 PM EDT

    Mike Rizzo Getty Images

    He said the job he did was “masterful.” You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  5. Cardinals skip Michael Wacha from start to limit innings

    Sep 2, 2015, 5:07 PM EDT

    wacha getty Getty Images

    Left-hander Tyler Lyons will start in Wacha’s place against the Nationals.

  6. Bat Flipping in Korea: not-so-serious business

    Sep 2, 2015, 12:43 PM EDT

    Puig Bat Flip

    And, I would guess, it wont be such serious business here after a few years either.

  7. The Marlins are going to change everything except their biggest problem this offseason

    Sep 2, 2015, 11:31 AM EDT

    jeffrey loria getty Getty Images

    Of course their biggest problem is not going anyplace, as he owns the team.

  8. Brian Cashman, Joe Girardi disagree on whether A-Rod should play first base

    Sep 2, 2015, 10:30 AM EDT

    Alex Rodriguez Alex Rodriguez

    A picture of A-Rod from yesterday — not this one — seems to be the tiebreaker here.

  9. Elvis Andrus stole home. On a straight steal. Not one of those BS double steals

    Sep 2, 2015, 9:51 AM EDT

    Screen Shot 2015-09-02 at 9.49.09 AM

    He caught Kevin Quackenbush napping. Almost literally napping.

  10. Ryan Goins had himself a good night

    Sep 2, 2015, 9:37 AM EDT

    Ryan Goins Getty Getty Images

    A great catch and an extra innings walkoff homer.

  11. Settling the Scores: Tuesday’s results

    Sep 2, 2015, 7:04 AM EDT

    Zack Greinke AP

    Was this a . . . statement game?

  12. Twins GM Terry Ryan noncommittal about callup of top pitching prospect Jose Berrios

    Sep 1, 2015, 11:34 PM EDT

    jose berrios getty Getty Images

    Would it endanger or enlighten Berrios’ career to give him a few starts in a postseason race?

  13. Cal Ripken Jr. throws out first pitch on 20th anniversary of breaking Lou Gehrig’s record

    Sep 1, 2015, 10:49 PM EDT

    Cal Ripken Jr AP

    It was Cal Ripken Jr. Night on Tuesday at Baltimore’s Camden Yards, with the Orioles celebrating the 20th anniversary of Ripken taking over Lou Gehrig’s record for consecutive games played …

  14. Giancarlo Stanton now doubtful to return Friday

    Sep 1, 2015, 10:05 PM EDT

    Giancarlo Stanton AP

    Stanton has been on the disabled list since June 27 because of a broken hamate bone in his right hand.

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. G. Stanton (2787)
  2. Y. Puig (2630)
  3. C. Correa (2623)
  4. G. Springer (2583)
  5. B. Crawford (2541)
  1. H. Ramirez (2522)
  2. H. Pence (2412)
  3. M. Teixeira (2341)
  4. J. Hamilton (2298)
  5. J. Baez (2279)