Skip to content

Alex Rodriguez reminds me of my eight year-old son

Jul 25, 2013, 8:18 AM EST

alex rodriguez getty Getty Images

I was once told a story about Alex Rodriguez, the specific details of which, unfortunately, I cannot share. It was told to me by a person who was party to the events which took place and had absolutely no reason to lie. I have 100% confidence that the story told to me was true.

The upshot was that Rodriguez engaged in Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X immediately after being told that Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X was something he TOTALLY should not do. No one was harmed, it was nothing that would cause a scandal if it came to light in the media. It was just a matter of “Don’t do that,” followed directly by A-Rod doing that and it made everyone involved want to smack their damn heads.

When asked what in the heck he was thinking, A-Rod simply and honestly said that he thought it was OK to engage in Profoundly Aberrant Behavior X. He was genuinely surprised that what he did created any problems at all. He had no malice, actually. It wasn’t plotted. To the extent he had any agenda it was a half-formed “I’ll show them” kind of thing that your eight year-old son might do If there was part of him that thought he was getting away with something.

I have an eight year-old son who does that kind of stuff a lot.  Sometimes he actually tries to get away with things — truly plots out his behavior — but his deviousness and malevolence are  just not particularly well-formed and his eight year-old brain is just not all that great at thinking more than a step or two ahead yet. It doesn’t mean he’s dumb. It doesn’t mean he’s bad. He just doesn’t operate on a level most people do when strategic thinking is called for.

I sort of feel like that’s where we are with Alex Rodriguez.

I have no idea what, exactly, A-Rod was trying to accomplish by sending Dr. Michael Gross out on that little media tour yesterday. It appears as though it was his effort to fire shots at a Yankees team he perceives to be working against his interests somehow. I can understand the impulse. He probably has a bit of a siege mentality at this point, and for good reason. People are comparing him to mass-murderers for cryin’ out loud, and the league in which he plays is trying to end his career before he wants it to end.

But the facts of his quad injury and rehab are such that trotting out Dr. Gross was gonna get messy no matter what. According to the Yankees, A-Rod did say his quad was hurting. According to the CBA there are right ways and wrong ways to get competing medical opinions. Even if Rodriguez is, on the facts, totally on the side of the angels here — if he can play and wants to and the Yankees are just dithering for P.R./political/Biogenesis reasons, there was no clear path to P.R. victory here for Rodriguez and he probably would have been better off not even sending Dr. Gross on Mike Francesa’s show yesterday. But based on what we can know about A-Rod from a distance, one gets the impression that that sort of thing just doesn’t register with him.

Or maybe I’m way off, I don’t know. Engaging in armchair psychoanalysis like this is even harder than diagnosing a quad strain via an MRI and a phone call.

But I do know this much: Dr. Gross had no idea what he was getting into when he went on his mini media tour yesterday. After saying that he agreed to look at A-Rod’s MRI and that he didn’t take any payment for it, he said this to ESPN New York:

“I did it because I thought it would be fun,” Gross said. “I thought it would be interesting to be on this side of stuff. It was a lot of fun until the last half hour.”

I almost feel sorry for him. But really kids: if Alex Rodriguez asks you to go out and say things on his behalf, by all means, wear a freakin’ flak jacket. They’re firing live bullets out there. And A-Rod probably didn’t plan the operation like Wellington planned Waterloo.

Latest Posts
  1. Mariners gain another option year on Danny Hultzen

    Nov 21, 2014, 10:55 PM EST

    Danny Hultzen AP AP

    The Mariners get an extra year to do whatever they want with Danny Hultzen.

  2. Jason Grilli a potential option for the Yankees

    Nov 21, 2014, 9:45 PM EST

    jason grilli getty Getty Images

    If the Yankees can’t bring back David Robertson, Jason Grilli could be one option the club could look at.

  3. Orioles sign Paul Janish to a minor league deal

    Nov 21, 2014, 8:40 PM EST

    Paul Janish AP

    The Orioles bolstered their organizational depth by signing Paul Janish on Friday.

  4. White Sox sign Adam LaRoche to two-year, $25 million deal

    Nov 21, 2014, 7:35 PM EST

    adam laroche getty Getty Images

    The White Sox have signed first baseman Adam LaRoche to a two-year, $25 million deal.

  5. Torii Hunter a back-burner option for Orioles, Giants

    Nov 21, 2014, 7:05 PM EST

    Detroit Tigers v Cleveland Indians Getty Images

    The interest in free agent outfielder Torii Hunter has been lukewarm, but he represents a decent Plan B or C for a handful of teams.

  6. Andrew Miller already has multiple three-year offers

    Nov 21, 2014, 6:15 PM EST

    Andrew Miller Andrew Miller

    Andrew Miller is drawing significant interest in the free agent market, and he could even fetch a four-year deal.

  7. The Padres are making an offer to Pablo Sandoval today

    Nov 21, 2014, 3:45 PM EST

    sandoval getty Getty Images

    Can you see that happening? I have a hard time seeing that happen.

  8. Rays have made Matt Joyce “available” for trade

    Nov 21, 2014, 3:10 PM EST

    Matt Joyce AP

    Joyce has been a productive regular for the Rays since 2010.

  9. Wanna see the agreement between Major League Baseball and Anthony Bosch?

    Nov 21, 2014, 2:34 PM EST

    Anthony Bosch

    It was attached to a motion filed in court yesterday. Let us gawk at it, shall we?

  10. Red Sox promote Raquel Ferreira to vice president of baseball administration

    Nov 21, 2014, 12:30 PM EST

    red sox logo

    She’s just the third woman at the level of vice president or above in baseball operations in major league baseball.

  11. Cubs, Dodgers, White Sox in on Miguel Montero

    Nov 21, 2014, 11:32 AM EST

    miguel montero getty Getty Images

    Talks haven’t really heated up yet, but catching is scarce so someone will likely go in on Montero.

  12. Brian Cashman slept on the street to raise money for homeless children

    Nov 21, 2014, 11:03 AM EST

    Brian Cashman Getty Getty Images

    It’s his fourth straight year helping homeless charities.

  13. Pirates’ next reclamation project pitcher: Radhames Liz

    Nov 21, 2014, 10:47 AM EST

    Radhames Liz, Ernesto Frieri AP

    Pittsburgh has done great work recently turning around the careers of pitchers.

  14. Padres, Braves are favorites for Yasmany Tomas

    Nov 21, 2014, 10:30 AM EST

    yasmani tomas getty Getty Images

    Not that that necessarily means anything.

  15. Giants designate J.C. Gutierrez for assignment

    Nov 21, 2014, 10:15 AM EST

    Juan Gutierrez Giants AP

    Gutierrez posted a 3.96 ERA and 44/16 K/BB ratio in 64 innings.

  16. Sexual assualt charges reinstated against Tigers pitcher Evan Reed

    Nov 21, 2014, 9:51 AM EST

    Evan Reed Getty Getty Images

    Charges were dismissed against him in August. It now appears he’s heading for trial.

Featured video

Maddon has high hopes for Cubs
Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. P. Sandoval (3909)
  2. G. Stanton (3538)
  3. J. Lester (3136)
  4. R. Martin (2900)
  5. Y. Tomas (2538)
  1. J. Heyward (2436)
  2. M. Scherzer (2376)
  3. T. Hunter (2134)
  4. B. Butler (1965)
  5. M. Cabrera (1930)