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I surrender: unleash your “Derek Jeter-is-a-Winner” Porn. Let us revel in it.

Jul 29, 2013, 11:41 AM EST

jeter getty Getty Images

Derek Jeter came back yesterday, hit a home run and took major part in the Yankees win. The crowd goes wild and the media goes wilder. Such is the way of the Jeter World.

I am usually the first person to mock overly-effusive examples of “Jeter-is-a-magical-winning-unicorn!” prose, the likes of which always comes out when Jeter does great things. The stuff which puts people like me in the uncomfortable position of having to say that an inner-circle Hall of Famer is overrated. Something which you’d think one would never have to do, but which comes up a lot with Jeter. His career is the kind which we’d think is beyond superlatives, but they keep coming up with increasingly crazy superlatives for him and it gets out of hand, often.

But I’m letting it go. At least for now, maybe forever. Biogenesis and Alex Rodriguez stuff is beyond depressing. Just an utter slog. The Yankees’ season, while certainly not over yet, has been depressing too.  But now Jeter is back and he did baseball stuff that made people happy yesterday. And people should revel in that until Hell won’t have it, because that’s what it’s all about.

Though it’s my job to offer my view on PED stuff and my view on that is well-known by now, as a fan I’d rather put up with the most eye-rollingly crazy Jeter stuff than the most cogent and hard-headed PED arguments. One is fun. The other is not. Business is business and pleasure is pleasure and baseball is still and always will be more about pleasure than it is about business for me.

All Hail Derek Jeter. None of the excessive things said about him are anywhere close to as troublesome as the purely factual things about drugs and suspensions all that noise said about anyone else.

  1. Liam - Jul 29, 2013 at 11:52 AM

    What are your hopes? What are your dreams?

    • fanofevilempire - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:40 PM

      the chicks dig DJ, he’s a classy guy.
      he has a calmness about him, like if he hugs you,
      you know everything will be alright.

      • bigmeechy74 - Jul 29, 2013 at 3:42 PM

        Wow. First time I’ve seen you put up a good comment

  2. gammagammahey - Jul 29, 2013 at 11:54 AM

    This headline isn’t question-y enough.

  3. jonrox - Jul 29, 2013 at 11:56 AM

    Jeter seemed to recover from this latest injury pretty quickly. don’t you think? Then, in his first at bat, he hit a homer. Clearly steroids.

    And good for him! Only Derek Jeter would care about his teammates and the Yankee fanbase enough to risk lasting damage to his body through steroid use in order to maximize his physical potential.

    • chadjones27 - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:04 PM

      I know you’re joking, but, dude, can you imagine what would happen if (and this is a huge IF) it ever came out that Jeter was tied to using some type of PED? Holy crap, the universe would explode.

      • bigharold - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:09 PM

        The Universe, .. nah. My head, .. abso-freggin-lutly!!

    • jfk69 - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:38 PM

      Jeter refuses to take testosterone. Claims he would sooner get a new hot girl friend than destroy the integrity of his game

  4. ghstmnnfrst - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:02 PM

    More like Derek JESUS amirite?!

  5. missthemexpos - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:03 PM

    Now that Jeter is healthy again, he must be considered for a gold glove.

    • nbjays - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:28 PM

      What? No MVP?

  6. goawaydog - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:05 PM

    “… until Hell won’t have it…”

    I don’t think even Hell can stop the jeter machine. he would stroke a demon thrown flaming fastball right back up the middle for a double, steal third, slide with out getting either his uniform or his halo dirty, walk home because he felt like it scoring the winning run and and no one would bother trying to tag him out simply because, well it’s Jeter after all and that would be just wrong.

    I would say he will be missed when he retires, but I am beginning to think he never will retire. he’s like his own weird version of Field of Dreams.

  7. DelawarePhilliesFan - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:06 PM

    The words “Derek Jeter” and “Porn” in the same title, and still no sign of historio…..I hope she’s okay!

    • historiophiliac - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:20 PM

      He’s not really my thing. I did like him more before it became an industry. He’s become like Brad Pitt — as in obvious sex symbol (only I never cared for Pitt).

      None of which means I wouldn’t have preferred a pic a little more sweaty and a little less clothed, please. ;)

  8. imnotyourbuddyguy - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:06 PM

    If the Braves had Jeter they would have won multiple World Series and then you would see that unicorns are real Craig.

  9. bigharold - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:07 PM

    “Jeter-is-a-magical-winning-unicorn!”

    Hey, .. it Derek Jeter’s world. The rest of us are just squirrels trying to get a nut.

    • heyblueyoustink - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:02 PM

      If you figure in he won a World Series with the demon-god ARod, he must be something similar to Odin. eh?

    • nbjays - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:27 PM

      More proof that unicorns > centaurs.

      • historiophiliac - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:44 PM

        That’s why little girls like them.

  10. sdelmonte - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:13 PM

    I thought the story was the return to usefulness of Soriano. I have a friend who thinks his return to NYC in the first place is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It’s like (she said) “having Firefly run for years without Nathan Fillion and then he comes back.” Her enthusiasm is refreshing. Even if she really forced the metaphor.

    • ltzep75 - Jul 29, 2013 at 3:26 PM

      Thumbs down only because of the terrible metaphor. No show without the captain.

  11. proudlycanadian - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:18 PM

    The gloom has been lifted. The pact with the devil has been forgotten as the devil’s spawn may not play again for Yankee Nation. Tears of joy have been seen in the eyes of jaded Yankee fans.Young women are dreaming of gift baskets. Adult women are going all Tom Jones over Jeter. Undergarments have been thrown on the field. Up in heaven, Joe DiMaggio and other past Yankee greats are toasting the return of THE CAPTAIN.

    • fanofevilempire - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:43 PM

      the ladies are not even wearing under garments to the game anymore, nyc is alive again!

  12. jayscarpa - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:19 PM

    Other than ARod the Yankees season hasn’t been so bad. They have kept their heads above water. Every time it looks like they’re done they pull one out. It’s kinda nice to see guys like Lillibridge and Romine (who was so thoroughly overmatched) get some big hits.

    Nix comes back tomorrow. Granderson comes back Friday – with Soriano he will give them whiff machines from both sides of the plate! Relax, a joke. I think we will see Pineda sooner rather than later. They could really use a 3B but most important is CC getting on track.

    It’ll be a fun two months.

  13. mybrunoblog - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:42 PM

    For several years there has been talk of adding President Reagan to Mount Rushmore (go ahead google it) or perhaps U.S. currency. I think that’s nonsense. Derek Sandrson Jeter deserves a place on Mount Rushmore. We as a nation should also seriously exploring the idea of making his birthday a national holiday.

  14. deathmonkey41 - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:43 PM

    I think Craig needs a hug from a guy named Jeter!

  15. sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:44 PM

    Can you please stop doing that?

  16. banger60 - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:49 PM

    you never hear nothing bad about Jeter, most negative comments are from jealousy or their shortcomings as an athlete in any sport, look at yourself in the mirror and you will see a jackass looking back, by the way A-Rod will get what he has coming to him, the sooner the better, GO YANKEES!

    • bigmeechy74 - Jul 29, 2013 at 3:46 PM

      That’s the dorkiest thing I’ve ever read. And not the charming type of dorky

  17. ndnut - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:50 PM

    He’s been out for over half the year? Who cares! MVP! MVP! MVP!

  18. slartibartfast4242 - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    It should be a requirement for anyone who uses the word “Porn” in a title to be a good sport and provide at least a couple of links in the article that would take the reader to, you know, um… porn.

  19. johnholly1039 - Jul 29, 2013 at 12:53 PM

    Jeter is God.

  20. rickdobrydney - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:05 PM

    Anyone who can name a player who has been the regular shortstop on his team since 1996, and has 5 rings and 3,000 + hits , please come forward . I’m waiting. Really, I am waiting. I will wait until hell freezes over for your answer.

    • fanofevilempire - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:44 PM

      Jeter.

  21. aceshigh11 - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:13 PM

    I could’ve sworn the heavens parted and god himself reached down and caught the ball that Jeter hit over the center field wall at Yankees Stadium.

  22. jfk69 - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:33 PM

    The NY bar pickup scene has heated up with his latest exploits. MORE PORN and hold the cowbell

  23. jfk69 - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:35 PM

    It is a Jeter world and you can be in it.
    Porntastic

  24. jfk69 - Jul 29, 2013 at 1:45 PM

    Already on ebay
    Piece of toast with an imprint of Jeter’s likeness. Still fresh
    Priceless find ….Bidding starts at 10 bucks
    Jesus toast pulled due lack of bidders

  25. kevinbnyc - Jul 29, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    How about Jeter getting intentionally walked to get to ROBINSON CANO?!?!?!? Madden really out-thought himself there.

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