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And That Happened: Thursday’s scores and highlights

Aug 9, 2013, 6:36 AM EDT

Milwaukee Brewers v San Francisco Giants Getty Images

Five of the seven losing teams on Thursday scored one run. This means something. This is important. [sculpts Devil's Tower out of his mashed potatoes, scares family]

Giants 4, Brewers 1: Tim Lincecum looked like the Timmy of old yesterday, tossing eight shutout innings and allowing only one hit. These past several performances are likely to keep him from clearing waivers this month and thus are likely to keep him in San Francisco.

Tigers 10, Indians 3: The idea of a “statement game” or “statement series” in baseball is pretty weak, but these past four game pretty much sounded like the Tigers telling the Indians “Perhaps you will win the AL Central someday. But not today.” Max Scherzer gets his 17th win. Ryan Raburn gives the Indians some extra value in the form of an inning on the mound, but I don’t imagine that’s what they had in mind when they signed him to that extension. Twelve straight wins for Detroit.

Pirates 5, Marlins 4: Down 4-0 in the fifth? No problem. Pittsburgh scored two in the fifth, two in the seventh and then Russell Martin hit a two-out pinch hit single in the tenth to walk the Pirates off. It’s the Pirates’ 28th come-from-behind win this year. Their 70th overall. They went six seasons in a row without winning 70 games between 2005 and 2010. Since 1994 they’ve won fewer than 70 11 times.

Royals 5, Red Sox 1: Kansas City wins their 16th of 20 since the All-Star break, moving them to 4.5 back of the wild card. Bruce Chen was phenomenal, pitching shutout ball for seven and two-thirds and not allowing a runner past first base until the eighth.

Phillies 12, Cubs 1: Cody Asche had three hits, including his first big league homer. Ethan Martin pitched five innings and allowed one run and four hits for his first big league win. Darin Ruf homered too. Look at those baby Phillies go.

Dodgers 5, Cardinals 1Hyun-Jin Ryu was great for seven innings and A.J. Ellis hit a three-run homer. Ellis also had high praise for Ryu, saying after the game “He pitches to the scoreboard as well as anyone I’ve caught.” A regular Jack Morris.

Mets 2, Rockies 1: New York sweeps Colorado. Dillon Gee allowed one run while pitching seven and two-thirds. The Rockies lost nine of ten on this road trip, thus ending the “could they make a run in the NL West?” portion of their season.

128 Comments (Feed for Comments)
  1. proudlycanadian - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:47 AM

    Somehow Bruce Chen baffled the Red Sox hitters. I have no idea of how he did it. Lester had a rough first inning before settling in. He threw 41 pitches in that inning. Gomes played dropsies in the outfield, contributing to the high pitch count and a couple of runs.

    All 999 fans of the Tampa Bay Rays stood up and cheered.

    • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:52 AM

      Bruce Chen is so amazing and improbable that I decided to bestow upon him an amazing nickname, a nickname that symbolizes American greatness and the will to set records even when everyone else in the race lazily decides to just run until the finish line.

      Bruce Chenner.

      • nbjays - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:24 AM

        Unk Mo, that was a horrible pun. I hope you get run over by a Kar…. dashian. ;-)

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:56 AM

        Good one, nbjays. I concur. Getting run over by a Kar-dishian could put unclemo in traction.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:41 AM

        No chance – I’m intractable.

      • Glenn - Aug 9, 2013 at 11:19 AM

        According to the “thumbs”, none of you are as punny as you think.

    • kcrobert10 - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:26 AM

      I to can never belive what I see every time Bruce almighty gets on the mound. He is a fa after this yr but he loves kc so I wouldn’t expect him to leave. They royals keep rolling moose and hosmer are on fire right now and even though there numbers don’t show it butler and Gordon are hitting liners all over the park. The bullpen is just nasty and oh Ya the starting pitchers they have been pretty good to. Just hope teams like Texas, Baltimore, and Cleveland hit a slide so I can see the post season for the first time in my life. I was born in 81 so I was a kid when Brett and white and co won a world sieries.

    • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:45 AM

      All 999 of us? Et tu proudlycanadian?

      I’ll have you know, there are 1,237 of us. So there.

      • proudlycanadian - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:46 AM

        I stand corrected. My bad.

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:54 AM

        Much better.

      • dondada10 - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:04 AM

        Maybe I’m over-sensitive, but I get upset when the thumbs down harpie passes me over.

        Everybody else finishes this thread 10 up and 48 down. Clearly the harpie. Then I’ll be smack in the middle with 4 up and 3 down.

        Forever alone.

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:06 AM

        No love from the thumb harpie? My day isn’t complete unless I have 99 thumbs down. He/she is slacking today.

      • heyblueyoustink - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:13 AM

        There, don, you have my contribution.

        Like those panhandling kids outside the Walmart every Saturday. Are there really *that* many sports clubs in this area? Sheesh.

      • nbjays - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:01 AM

        Don, folks more conspiracy-paranoid than me would take this as incontrovertable proof that you ARE, in fact, the thumb harpy. :-)

      • gerryb323 - Aug 9, 2013 at 12:06 PM

        I think 999 Canadian is 1237, US. Or vice versa.

        Regardless, speak English ya beaver!

    • aceshigh11 - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:44 AM

      Thanks for the utterly banal and flavorless recapping of the game.

      About as nutritionally satisfying as eating a bowl of air.

      • proudlycanadian - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:01 AM

        You are most welcome.

      • proudlycanadian - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:33 AM

        Did I not mention the error by Gomes. Without it, the result in the game might have been very different.

  2. dan1111 - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:49 AM

    Down 4-0 in the fifth?* No problem.

    *Against the Marlins.

  3. kiwicricket - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:52 AM

    I am utterly convinced that if the entire HBT comments section (and writers) were to crash on a desert island, it would take a maximum of 5 days before a full-blown ‘Lord Of The Flies’ situation would break out.
    Rumblings over the use of the DH in a stick ball game on the beach, would create the first waves of discontent. By day 3, groups are somehow inexplicably divided into political affiliates(…despite there being literally 40 people on a deserted tropical oasis for 3 days…)
    The final Luke Scott ‘Pig Spear throwing’ moment arises after someone announces Old Gator’s ‘Paw-paw and Sea Anemone’ cake to be far superior to the toasted coconut Seagull Pie, he fashioned earlier that morning. Skies would darken, native animals run in fear, fire engulfs all. The newly colonized tropical paradise descends into an irreversible spiral downwards.

    • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:53 AM

      Piss off, I have the conch.

      • kiwicricket - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:12 AM

        Piggy HBP…I will take over, thanks.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:14 AM

        /blindly searches the sandy floor for broken glasses

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:49 AM

        Eff you, the conch is mine. Seriously, this was discussed in Philly last weekend, my love of conch.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:43 AM

        mmm … conch fritters

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:11 AM

        Mmmmhmmm. You may live in Red Sox Nation, but the Conch Republic is in Florida: http://www.conchrepublic.com/history.htm

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:13 AM

        Dear and sweet Jesus – I need a passport.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:44 AM

        And what is this mysterious ‘eff you’ that all the sweet ladies of HBT keep tossing my way? Is it some group commentary on my ineffable goodness? That’s how I’m taking it anyway.

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:14 AM

        Ain’t nothing mysterious about it. No less than the Trojan War was started by it.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:17 AM

        Now if I can just get sweet natslady to tell me to fuck off – you ladies are too easy. After all, one does not applaud the tenor for clearing his throat.

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:33 AM

        Natslady isn’t THAT sweet. She’ll tell you to fuck off.

        How to piss her off in two easy steps:

        1. Bring up what a mistake it was for Rizzo to shut down Strasburg last year.
        2. R.A. Dickey. Irrational hatred of the knuckleballer.

        She’ll curse you in no time flat!

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:36 AM

        Girl there are signs everywhere that say ‘Please don’t feed the trolls.” Damn. ;)

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 10:35 AM

        Ha! I only tease those I like. I ignore those I don’t.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:00 PM

        It strikes me that angry shark-head is the wrong description of the floating carpets.

        Now that I have other commenters referring to the Rays and the floating carpets, I’m going to go for “Devilish Floating Carpets.”

        I’ll git-r-done – you see if I don’t. What – What

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:18 PM

        Whut – whut?

        Devilish Floating Carpets is apropos. We’re hardly angry.

        Damn these west coast games. The Rays don’t play until 10 pm my time, and I am currently under a stupid tornado watch. Why can’t they start these games at 4pm Pacific Time? I mean, come on! East coast bias!

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:20 PM

        Holy fuck – and in your area it could conceivably turn into a “Sharknado.” Shall I next-day my chainsaw??

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:25 PM

        LMAO Sharknado? You’re just puntastic today.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:27 PM

        I’m locally groan-tastic with the puns, believe that – not satisfied with simple double entendres – I’m weaving here.

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:44 PM

        You’re going for the hat trick entendre? My brain is spinning.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:45 PM

        I hit for two by mistake and try to leg out three all the time.

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:31 PM

        Conundrum tonight. Peavy is my fantasy pitcher, and I’m playing a tough opponent this week. I have to root for him to suck. His trade sucked for me. I didn’t want a BoSox pitcher.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:59 PM

        My roto pitching captain is David Price and I rigged my entire draft to get he and Ben Zobrist. Gotta get over that stuff. Last year’s Unk pitching leader? Kuroda.

        Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:53 PM

        I was unequivocally rooting for every run the Royals scored tonight without hesitation. Early this season, even with thorough analysis (I had spreadsheets of data), I had no Red Sox on my team except for Big Papi, and I only ended up with him on my team because I was trying to bid up the price on another team owner who I knew LOVED the beefy Dominican. Luckily, Papi transcends the Sox, even if he does need to control his temper, and I like him and his points. He is the only dirty sock allowed to get a hit on any given night.

        The Rays come first. My fantasy team comes second. Winning IS everything. I just prefer reality.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 10:47 PM

        I guess that’s fair – I actually like the Floating Devil Carpets & own zero Yankees.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 10:51 PM

        Also – Sharknado!

        http://m.imdb.com/title/tt2724064/

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 11:10 PM

        I should have known.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 11:12 PM

        I couldn’t take credit for that bit of punnery.

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 11:39 PM

        I don’t know if I would admit knowing that movie either!

        Royals checkmate. The Devilish Floating Carpets may be a game back by tomorrow if they can hold this slender lead vs. the lads.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 10, 2013 at 6:29 AM

        RODDDDDNEYYYY!!!

        God I fucking love that guy. Went to bed a little sad, woke up a lot happy. He’s like my personal Santa Claus.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 10, 2013 at 6:47 AM

        McGee, the Rapist and Rodney also screwed my fantasy team out of a David Price win and all I care about is the Sawks – so that should show you right thur…

      • indaburg - Aug 10, 2013 at 7:45 AM

        Fuck! i fell asleep and the Rays still had the slimmest of leads. Son of a bitch. Having a rapist is bad juju on a team. When he was with the bullpen, the bullpen sucked, blowing games left and right. He leaves, the baseball gods are pleased, and the bullpen normalized. In AAA, Therapist had great numbers (a WHIP under 1.00 for example) and the Rays decide to tempt the baseball gods again. Not smart at all.

        When it comes to my team, it’s a little bit sabermetrics, a little bit magical thinking (indametrics–usually involves alcohol).

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 10, 2013 at 7:50 AM

        Celebrating before you reach the end zone is soooo New Yawk.

        That reminds me for some reason of the time I got stuck on the BQE for 3 hours and started losing my mind – opened all the windows and starting riffing loudly on Alicia Keys ‘New York’ singing crap like ‘m’f’in New York – how can anyone even live here? You can’t even drive here – not really alive here – m’f’in New Yawwwkkk

      • indaburg - Aug 10, 2013 at 8:05 AM

        Only tourists or Long Islanders drive in NYC. I rode my bike everywhere. I was faster than a car in traffic and I got some exercise in to boot. Win-win. If it was too far for my bike, the subway or bus. If I was feeling rich, a cab. I didn’t bother to get a driver’s license until I moved to Florida.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 10, 2013 at 8:09 AM

        I was tired cuz I’d been driving since North Carolina and I made a horrible decision and listened to my GPS when I knew better. When I finally got to the pileup that made the mess it was mostly cleaned up but there were dozens of cars involved and piles of car parts in the breakdown and shutdown lanes.

        Obv. one moral of the story was ‘never again’ and the other moral was ‘I’m an idiot.’

      • indaburg - Aug 10, 2013 at 8:17 AM

        Ah. GPS. That explains it. Love technology but I am decidedly old school when it comes to GPS. I refuse to use GPS. I think they make people stupid. Give me a paper map. Or a flat Google map on a screen. I’ll figure it out. Shut up chirpy woman telling me to turn right in 50 meters, and why are you telling me this in meters? Speak American.

        Seriously, when you ask someone who uses a GPS regularly for directions how to get someplace, they look at you blankly. Me: “But woman/dude, you go there all the time, how do you get there?” Them: “I don’t know, the GPS tells me!” Ai ai ai. GPS induced stupidity. And don’t even get me started on the people who will drive straight off a bridge into water because “the GPS said drive straight…”

        GPS and Therapist are on my list this morning. Need coffee.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 10, 2013 at 8:20 AM

        Ha – I don’t think you need coffee after GPS and Rodney. Maybe some rum to appease Jobu and get into some indametrics.

      • indaburg - Aug 10, 2013 at 8:37 AM

        Nah, need to go for a run. Nothing like torturing a treadmill as punishment for baseball crimes. Stupid rapist. I don’t blame Rodney. He couldn’t pitch knowing a rapist was back on his team. He probably was missing Farnsy’s crazy crappy ass too. Need to buy more platanos today. That will appease Jobu.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 10, 2013 at 9:01 AM

        Platanos a’la OG should definitely work.

      • indaburg - Aug 10, 2013 at 8:06 AM

        Only tourists or Long Islanders drive in NYC. I rode my bike everywhere. I was faster than a car in traffic and I got some exercise in to boot. Win-win. If it was too far for my bike, the subway or bus. If I was feeling rich, a cab. I didn’t bother to get a driver’s license until I moved to Florida.

        I’ve heard driving in Bawston isn’t much better.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:37 PM

        So I live in CT, which is disputed Sox/Yanks territory, and some of my best friends are Stankee fans. One of them just texted me the following – “Just flipped to NESN – Clay Buchholz looks like Charlie Manson’s ‘before’ picture.”

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:43 PM

        Charlie Manson has an ‘after’ picture?

      • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:16 AM

        Ain’t nothing mysterious about it. No less than the Trojan War was started by it.

        And the men tell you to fuck off too. :-)

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:26 AM

        Here they do, yes. To my face? Not so much.

    • historiophiliac - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:18 AM

      I think the important thing is that there would be baseball. It might be more along the lines of how Ty Cobb played the game (or Old Hoss), but we’d still have baseball….or sand pitcherwannabehitter ball, if OG controls the fire.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:53 AM

        Somehow I shipwrecked with a duffle full of wiffle balls. It’s my wiffle-duffle.

      • Old Gator - Aug 9, 2013 at 12:56 PM

        Which one is Wilson?

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:07 PM

        Well OG – I am HBT’s resident expert regarding the origins of the wiffle. Other known wiffle enthusiasts include one SABR fanatic, Aaron Gleeman.

        The wiffle ball originated and is manufactured today in Western Connecticut. I literally have 15 distinct pitches, not counting grip and rotation variants on same. Like any arms race, wiffle amongst constant companions is a matter of developing new and better stuff.

        We’ll have to meet in the middle on Wilson. We’ll call him Wilffson, and he’s the one with the bloody handprint from throwing 2,000 dropping palm balls on 0-2 counts to win a Wiffle tournament.

  4. uyf1950 - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:54 AM

    The Yankees won yesterday by not playing. These next 10 games for the Yankees 3 “vs” Tigers, 4 “vs” Angels and then 3 “vs” Red Sox will determine what remaining hope there is for the Yankees postseason chances. Currently on life support, will the Yankees come out of their coma or will they disconnect the life support machine? My guess and it’s just my opinion is that taking 7 of the 10 is a must.

    • seels58 - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:15 AM

      How did they win with KC winning again and gaining another 1/2 game in the wild card?

      • uyf1950 - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:22 AM

        The only thing the Yankees or for that matter any team can control is the games they themselves play. And since the Yankees didn’t lose yesterday that’s a win in my book considering the way they have been playing.

    • nbjays - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:33 AM

      Taking 7 of 10 might be a must , uyf, but I think it is also a pipe dream. Now maybe if they were playing the Marlins, Astros and White Sox. Oops, they just played the White Sox and, well, you know…

      • uyf1950 - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:46 AM

        Whether it’s a dream or not until the games have been played it’s still a possibility. I could always wait until they play the Jays to have that dream. Oops, but I’m sure you already know that even this year the Yankees have won 8 of 9 against them and who the Yankees play 4 against immediately after the Sox.

      • nbjays - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:42 AM

        That may be true, but most of those games were won when the Satanic deals with Wells and Pronk were still in effect. Now that they have expired, all bets are off.

      • uyf1950 - Aug 9, 2013 at 11:29 AM

        nbjays, I guess we’ll see how much things have changes between the 2 teams when they face off on August 20th with a day/night doubleheader.

        Just so you know I think Wells signed up for a second installment with Satan he’s quietly after a terrible May and June had a very nice July and August so far. Batting .292 in July and .357 so far in limited Aug. play.

    • dan1111 - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:32 AM

      Winning by not playing they can do. Unfortunately, it’s the playing part that is the problem.

    • amuccigr - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:45 AM

      postseason chances?

  5. kiwicricket - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:58 AM

    It’s not that I root against the Marlins, I just didn’t like seeing them win baseball games(more often than not). I found the thought of Loria brunching on turtle egg omelettes whilst having his latent bud stimulated by winning box scores slightly unnerving.

    • chadjones27 - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:41 AM

      What makes you think Loria pays attention to his team winning?

      • kiwicricket - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:49 AM

        That little ‘Merkin’ of his(Samson) no doubt informs him of any winning streaks. You have a very good point, though.

      • Old Gator - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:56 AM

        I guess you could fashion a functional merkin out of Chihuhua hide. Right size, anyway.

      • kiwicricket - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:20 AM

        I might list ‘functional merkin’ under things I would never dream of reading in a baseball blog…

      • jwbiii - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:04 AM

        Scott Merkin is functional. Merkin Valdez, not so much.

    • indaburg - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:02 AM

      You’re chatty this a.m., kiwi. Nice to see ya.

      I see Loria more as eating endangered bird species eggs for breakfast. A Galapagos finchfinch spinach omelet, perhaps?

      • kiwicricket - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:24 AM

        Time zones and an early start have pretty much killed my chance of contributing unfort.
        ATH sprouting later means I miss it most evenings.

  6. theageofquarrel - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:03 AM

    RAISE THE JOLLY ROGAH!!!!! (But I guess it doesn’t count since it was against the lowly Marlins)

    • kiwicricket - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:10 AM

      It still counts. I think the only reason the other owners don’t have Loria whacked is because their teams get to play the current Marlins 162 times per season.

      • Old Gator - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:02 AM

        Ahhh, but what is the foetal Steinbrenners’ mission to slip in beneath the luxury tax but a subtle plan to what Scrooge McLoria? The little leechsicle has been lunching out on the blood of Moreno, Illich and Steinbrenner as if they were orphaned street waifs whose worsening pallor no one would notice. Can you imagine if all the other owners decided to do the same thing? Scrooge McLoria, having well and truly destroyed his market, would be forced to invest and compete – or sell.

        But that’s utopian.

  7. tiggersarebouncy - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:04 AM

    Tiggers sweep Royals! What the fuck exactly is heterochromia? Anyone?? /pointedly ignores historio jumping up and down waving her hand.

    Oh happy day. Zach McAllister was petrified to throw strikes, and can you blame him? The great Julio Iglesias was benched in favor of the full slow-pitch defense and it just didn’t matter. Someone named Preston Guilmet was summoned to replace Zach and his first reaction must have been shock. Soon followed by fear, then self-loathing, and finally of course, manager-loathing.

    Next up on the Tiggers’ plate? Alex Avila to undergo concussion tests. Let’s hope for the best – concussions caused me to be like this – they are no joke.

    • proudlycanadian - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:10 AM

      Alas, poor Preston Guilment was sent to the minors after the game. The Tigers were very cruel to the unfortunate lad.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:16 AM

        I must assent, pc. His situation was akin to being summoned to feed ravenous Tigers – showing up and saying ‘ok – where’s the Tiger food?’ – ‘uhh, just get in there.’

    • buffal0sportsfan - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:00 AM

      Last time I checked Tigers swept the Indians. Don’t know what game you were watching.

      • historiophiliac - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:21 AM

        Oh, snap!

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:57 AM

        Yeah, seriously – screw that guy. Trying to steal historio’s thunder and he can’t even get the teams straight? What kind of fucking moron are you tiggersarebouncy?

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:59 AM

        Let me buy you a fucking vowel tiggers – if you want to roll hard like harry you better do some fucking research.

      • Francisco (FC) - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:52 AM

        Miguel Cabrera: Indians, Royals, what’s the difference?

      • tiggersarebouncy - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:53 AM

        I take all of your hate and turn it into Haterade. And Unk you can definitely go fuck yourself.

      • buffal0sportsfan - Aug 9, 2013 at 10:09 AM

        I prefer my haterade with extra ice.

      • historiophiliac - Aug 9, 2013 at 11:21 AM

        Is vodka and option too?

    • sportsdrenched - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:54 AM

      Nevermind that you don’t even know who Detroit is playing. You should also know the Royals are 5-3 against the Tigers this season. That’s 2 series wins, and one split due to a rain out. Which will results in a rare 5 game series August 15th-18th in Detroit. See you then.

      • historiophiliac - Aug 9, 2013 at 10:48 AM

        I asked Jobu for a sweep for my birthday….which reminds me: Burgie, can you hook me up? I needs some rum. Unless he digs choc. He’s freaky like that, right?

      • tiggersarebouncy - Aug 10, 2013 at 8:59 AM

        Now I know – and as GI Joe famously said – knowing is half the battle.

  8. kiwicricket - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:06 AM

    J.P Arencibia has struck out 111 times and walked 14 times in 355AB’s. What might someones walk-rate be if they actually closed their eyes?

    • proudlycanadian - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:18 AM

      Arencibia has been very consistent in that respect this season. He currently has a knee problem and the Jays are waiting for the result of the MRI. If he goes on the DL, A. J. Jimenez will probably be called up from Double A. Jimenez does not have Arencibia’s power, but is a superior defensive catcher.

      • nbjays - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:30 AM

        Arencibia doesn’t even have Arencibia’s power lately, unless it is the power to strike out. And even when he does, it is not enough to offset the abysmal K rate and his ham-handed defense. Jiminez can only be an upgrade.

      • proudlycanadian - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:37 AM

        I would find it ironic if Jimenez makes it to the majors ahead of the oft injured Travis d’Arnaud.

      • Old Gator - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:54 AM

        Travis d’ Arnaud strikes me as a great name for a sympathetic young vampire living underneath New Orleans.

      • dondada10 - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:09 AM

        TDA would’ve gotten the call from Binghamton if Buck’s wife went into labor when she was supposed to. She’s 5 days late though and now the team is heading out to Arizona, where we’re more likely to see one of the AAA catchers (Pena or Centaro).

  9. chadjones27 - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:41 AM

    The Phillies hate Hamels

  10. Old Gator - Aug 9, 2013 at 7:50 AM

    Scrooge M cLoria doesn’t brunch on turtle eggs. He sucks on them. A Chinese herbalist told him that would keep him young, then went orf giggling to himself because “turtle egg” is the lowest thing you can call someone in Chinese – after “kitty chef.”

    The Pirates skwished the Feesh again last night, all three wins coming in their last at-bat. What this means, aside from the fact that the Kreamsicle Kids have returned to pre-June form (including their wonderful run of 37 scoreless innings to open the second half of the season), is that their boolpen has begun to stress fracture all over the place. They’re not getting crushed, just chipped at steadily while most of their lineup, having scored a few runs here and there earlier in the game, have decided that they’ve done enough work for the evening and kicked back to watch if their stemtidemen can hold the wall against the swarm of climbing zombies.

    Last night El Keed was orf his game, walking four and only canning five, but still left having given up a mere pair of runs. The Iron Giant continues to struggle mightily, going 1 for five (a ribby double, at least) with three strikeouts. I haven’t stopped to calculate the Feesh’s record since Ozuna went down, even though he was slumping himself, but he wasn’t anything like sub-Mendoza like his soft pink replacement from AA, Jake Marisnick. However, last night was their feefth loss in a row.

    When Chancey, one of my dogs, sees me paying too much attention to our odd Hemingway hound, Fido, he immediately runs over and jumps up on me in a fit of jealousy. I suspect that the Feesh, seeing the Astros a mere six game losing streak away from the hallowed ’62 Mutts record, have had the same visceral reaction and embarked on a skid of their own as if to remind the little upstarts from Brewster McCloud country where the real flop artistry resides in Beisbol. As if to prove they mean business, the Feesh will be mudskipping down to Atlanta for an extended weekend debacle at Turner Field.

    Oh and Moses – if you ain’t got no recipe for lambi, your conch is just a salted giant African land snail.

    • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:33 AM

      Haitian style? Mmmm… stew.

      Giant African Land Snails are quite a problem in your neck of the woods, yes?

      • Old Gator - Aug 9, 2013 at 1:09 PM

        Yeah. The way to kill them is to leave shallow bowls of beer in the ground along the sides of the house or garden sheds where they hide in the ferns during the day. They crawl in there, get crocked and drown. Ordinarily this would be fine, except that, well, you know how Yuppies are, right, and so they have to make a big show of how affluent they are and they use imported beers or even Fat Tire. This is a horrifying waste of good beer.

        And what makes these enormous molluscs so dreadful? Well, for one theeng, cheeldren hitch their skateboards to them and are pulled into the leading edge of the nearest tectonic plate. Pow! Dead Man’s Curve redux. And the little dweebs who can’t balance well enough to do it on a skateboard sometimes try to climb on their backs and wind up falling off into the beer, getting drunk, and then coming into the den and throwing up all over their security blankets.

        This reminds me of the story of the snail who cut across the path of a box turtle. The box turtle runs right over the snail, crushing its shell and leaving it in a coma in the midst of an ooze of it’s life’s slime. The snail wakes up all taped and bandaged in the hospital where a paramedic and a Macondo CSI investigator are sitting by his bedside. The CSI investigator says “we found you in the garden in terrible condition. Who did this to you?” And the snail replies, “I dunno – it all happened so fast.”

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 3:09 PM

        Alcoholic molluscs are horrible – and good luck getting them to leave the den once they are ensconced.

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 6:10 PM

        I digressed and tangentialized on the wiffle on this ATH but see now that it was virtually hidden to you. This is my message in a bottle.

    • stex52 - Aug 9, 2013 at 1:52 PM

      August is here, and the attention of Houston morphs into football. Not that I can blame my co-regionals this year. Maybe a good name for the Astros the rest of the year is the “Brewsters.” It certainly looks like their fate will be similar to his.

      I expect the Children’s Crusade arrives in Houston on September 1st, when they strip OKC and Corpus Christi bare of talent and seek any sign of improvement.

      And I agree with Craig. The Nats will get Bo Porter when they pry him out of Jeff Luhnow’s cold, dead hands. Not that I am convinced of Bo yet. But they can’t show any signs of surrender at this juncture.

      Magic Number stuck at 6. We soldier on resolutely in hope.

  11. historiophiliac - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:25 AM

    His Heterochromianess, y’all!

    • philliesblow - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:45 AM

      So are the rest of us Homochromians? (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:55 AM

        Not all of us, some of us is one-eyed, some of us is no-eyed. The rest of us, yes – there is no third or fourth category.

      • historiophiliac - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:56 AM

        Well, my eyes are hazel and some days they are more green, other days more brown (often depending on what I’m wearing) — so I like to think of myself as an Iris-shifter.

      • Old Gator - Aug 9, 2013 at 1:12 PM

        I prefer to be addressed as “Your Heteroglossia.”

  12. philliesblow - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:43 AM

    Because the Tigers sweeping the Tribe just isn’t enough fun, a kid on the Little League team from Michigan hit a 3 run walk off HR to beat the Little League team from Ohio yesterday.

  13. misterj167 - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:51 AM

    Meanwhile, on ESPN:

    “Phillies are really showing their form right now, Bob.”

    “That’s right, Doug, they’re right in the think of a tight NL East division with only two games separating three teams. We asked Nationals star Bryce Harper if they can maintain their torrid pace of taking early leads since the All-Star Break.”

    (An hour interview later)

    “And so with just under 50 games left, we’ll keep you up to date on the Phillies, Mets and Nationals as they stay neck and neck with each other, leaving the Marlins behind. By the way, who’s leading that division, Bob?”

    “Haven’t a clue, Doug.”

    • misterj167 - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:55 AM

      “thick”

      I hate typos as much as ESPN hates the Braves

      • unclemosesgreen - Aug 9, 2013 at 8:56 AM

        I hate typos as much as fat kids hate jokes about how much fat kids love cake.

      • jimeejohnson - Aug 9, 2013 at 1:17 PM

        Pie.

    • chill1184 - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:21 AM

      This is so sadly accurate

      • misterj167 - Aug 9, 2013 at 9:25 AM

        What’s odd about the whole thing is that ESPN is owned by Disney, and the Braves play their spring training games at the “ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex” in Walt Disney World in Orlando,,,

  14. spudchukar - Aug 9, 2013 at 10:35 AM

    No Craig, Ryu was not great for 7 innings. He pitched well but was no comparison to Martinez who pitched a gem. However, umpire Jeff Nelson decided he, and he alone, was going to show the youngster, that painting the black may work in AAA, but that won’t fly in the Bigs.

    Over and over Nelson’s zone for Martinez was narrower than for Ryu. Compounding the inequitable strike zone was the four, count them, four swinging bunts the Dodger’s were lucky enough to count as hits, the only hits afforded the Bums, other than the end of the bat blooper to right by Ellis, and finally the one in a thousand swings by the other Ellis, which was aided by the cramped finger that ended Martinez’s evening.

    Hopefully, the injury will be minor, and the Cards can look forward to more brilliance from Martinez, but Wainwright had a similar cramp that included a tendon, that caused him to miss significant time.

    The high flying Dodgers are a talented bunch, but were no match for Martinez who completely dominated them, but lady luck, and the man in blue were more than the 21 year old Dominican could overcome.

    • jimeejohnson - Aug 9, 2013 at 1:23 PM

      Ryu had 7 Ks in 7 innings, no BBs, and no earned runs given up. He did throw a lot (110) of pitches but he basically shut down the Red Birds. How much of the Dodgers resurgence is due to their manager, Don Mattingly?

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