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The letter from Jack Clark’s lawyer to Albert Pujols’ lawyer is something else

Oct 15, 2013, 1:48 PM EDT

Yesterday we mentioned that Jack Clark’s lawyer offered for his client and his adversary, Albert Pujols, to take polygraph tests. Here’s the letter in which he did it. The lie-detector stuff is secondary, though. Just get a load of how over-the-top snarky this guy is. And then remember that he’s charging Clark by the hour to draft these things.

Some of it makes you laugh. Some of it makes you want to strangle the guy. All of it reminds me of just how happy I am that I don’t do litigation anymore.

Albert Pujols Case Settlement Offer

  1. sabatimus - Oct 15, 2013 at 5:52 PM

    The first time I loaded this article, it gave me a “400 Bad Request” error. I’d say that just about sums it up.

  2. Carl Hancock - Oct 15, 2013 at 6:02 PM

    Jack Clark picked the perfect lawyer to defend him. A jackass.

  3. righthandofjustice - Oct 15, 2013 at 7:04 PM

    I think all of you can only read the funny side of the letter but IMO it means something more:

    (1) Clark believes firmly Mr. Alcantara used “performancing enhancing drugs” but he treats Alberto like his spiritual sibling. So his comment on Alberto’s PED usage was just a sincere brotherly gesture.

    (2) His lawyer argued that Clark has not accused Alberto Alcantara of using the kind of “performance enhancing drugs” that are disallowed according to the JDA. He argued “jucing” could very well just meant “taking Viagara” or something else that enhanced his body functions.

    (3) They think even if Alcantara can prove Clark has defamed him the damage will be minimal. It may not be enough to pay his lawyer, so much for the donation to charity. Clark is broke anyway.

    So far so good… They may very well be valid arguments that since Clark believed Pujols used some kind of substance that enhanced his ability and he didn’t mean to inflict harm to Pujols, and if Pujols can’t prove he has suffered damage, Pujols will not win.

    However, the polygraph test challenge is malicious. Based on the intent of this letter, I can see the questions asked in the challenge will be something like “have you ever used PED such as Viagara?”, “have you ever done something illegal like spitting, speeding or DUI?”, “are you sure you can perform as well as you did in your career without PED such as Viagra?”. Mr. Alcantara will not be given any chance to say anything other than “yes” and “no” and without the proper guidance of a judge, any answer of “no” will make the media headline as “Pujols confessed he has used PED”.

    • stevenresnick - Dec 9, 2013 at 11:27 AM

      There’s always been widespread speculation that Pujols has used maybe he should take the polygraph if he is so interested in clearing his name.

  4. jashton11 - Oct 15, 2013 at 7:10 PM

    This letter is hilarious. My absolute favorite part was when he referred to Jack Clark as a “baseball legend.”

  5. jyoung1891 - Oct 15, 2013 at 10:22 PM

    Did anyone else try Googling Clark’s lawyer? Mr. Watkins has an “interesting” professional history.

  6. provguard - Oct 16, 2013 at 1:48 AM

    I would like to see the results of Pujols tests… Yeah, I have had that suspicion for a long time…

  7. jwbiii - Oct 16, 2013 at 1:50 AM

    I found three things about this letter humorous.

    Watkins’ ignorance, or feigned ignorance, of Spanish naming conventions. It would be correct to call Pujols Mr. Pujols or Mr. Pujols Alcantara, but not Mr. Alcantara. The second name is the person’s mother’s last name. Some Spanish speaking people, like Mario Vargas Llosa, prefer to use the compound form, but he has unusual circumstances. His father abandoned his mother before he was born and he was raised by his mother and her family, and it is appropriate for him to honor them.

    Second is the Wittgensteinian digression into meaning of the word “juicing.” In this context, “juicing” is not the same as “drinking a smoothie.”

    Third is the disposition of the case after lie detector test. Let’s pretend that they are 100% accurate, which we know is total bullshit. Watkins specifies three outcomes:
    1. Clark is lying and Pujols is telling the truth. Clark will publicly apologize to Pujols. There’s also something about Clark climbing Mt. Everest in a loincloth, which amounts to suicide. No discussion of damages.
    2. Pujols is lying and Clark is telling the truth. Pujols will publicly apologize to Clark.
    3. Both are lying. Case dropped, no apologies.
    No mention of the fourth option:
    4. Both believe they are telling the truth, and both pass their tests. What then?

  8. mikhelb - Oct 16, 2013 at 6:35 AM

    Better call Saul.

  9. dexterismyhero - Oct 16, 2013 at 11:35 AM

    Is he related to Craigerto Alcantara?

  10. kingjoe1 - Dec 1, 2013 at 11:10 AM

    This could be turned into a half hour special or maybe even a musical. It is a wonderfully crafted letter with no intention of trying hide the fact that they feel any denial of using PED is absurd.
    Frankly given the steep decline in Mr. A’s performance after getting the big payout, while circumstantial, is unbelievable revealing. Am i to believe that with his league leading stats prior to the big contract were the rare result of superior skills, in a era where most over the top stats have been linked quite correctly to PED usage? Furthermore, am I to be so gullible to accept that Mr. A simply hit a wall after the big contract and not the result of the elimination of a PED? Once the ink hit paper, all the cash was Mr. A, with the possible exception of violating the contract; a contract which could be argued would be violated if it is found that Mr A obtained the stats that the contract was based on, illegally.(i.e. through the use of PED could be construed as “obtained illegally”)

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