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Parodying anti-Yasiel Puig hysteria is impossible

Oct 16, 2013, 8:13 AM EDT

One of these takes on Yasiel Puig is from a legitimately outraged columnist. The other is a parody of an outraged columnist. Don’t hover over or click the links until you’ve guessed which is which.

First one:

Call me old-school and old-fashioned. Call me too conservative. Tell me to “get with the times.” Whatever. The bottom line is that you don’t show up the opposing pitcher and you don’t “pimp out” a home run. It’s disrespectful and it’s a bad look, and anybody who has ever played the game at a high level knows that those “unwritten rules” we hear so much about actually have merit and are worth something … Just stop with the excuses, people. He lived in Cuba all of his life and is just having fun playing in America! That’s my favorite excuse. The last I checked, he can still have plenty of fun, be a celebrity, play baseball for millions of dollars and be loved by the masses without playing like a fool.

vs. the second one:

The Dodgers have been doing Mickey Mouse stuff all year long. They admit it, too. As Gonzalez explained his behavior, “I did what I always do, but we are in L.A., so Mickey Mouse is only an hour away.”

I know there’s no cheering in the press box. But can we make an exception for booing?

Remember: It was just a few short weeks ago the Dodgers made fools of themselves parading through Arizona’s swimming pool to celebrate their playoff berth.

It made everyone look bad.

It was lewd. It was crude.

It was everything the Los Angeles Dodgers have stood for all year long … This team may have the most expensive roster in the league and all kinds of money to spare, but it can’t buy baseball’s respect. It can’t buy my silence, either.

No one has to be a Yasiel Puig fan. But the degree to which some are offended by him is laughable in the extreme.

  1. bfunk1978 - Oct 16, 2013 at 8:17 AM

    After reading both excerpts I clicked the links. I guessed wrong.

    • apkyletexas - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:58 AM

      I guessed right. I think “Mickey Mouse” was your tip off.

      Puig’s double-play grounder to kill any chance of a 9th inning rally last night was certainly fresh.

      Was that all part of his “having fun” thing? His persona? Cause I don’t think I get it…

      I’m probably just too old to understand.

      • Jason Lukehart - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:23 AM

        You’re not too old, I know plenty of older fans who get it. It’s probably more of a close-minded thing for you.

      • stlouis1baseball - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:28 AM

        I guessed correctly as well. I don’t know that I agree with the columnists over the top outrage. But I certainly understand his point. One thing I do agree with though?
        His comparison to Jordany Valdespin. I hadn’t considered that angle.

      • bfunk1978 - Oct 16, 2013 at 11:18 AM

        Mickey Mouse was a real quote, and Adrian Gonzales really did say they were an hour from Disney. So for that one to be the Grantland spoof threw me.

      • apkyletexas - Oct 16, 2013 at 12:33 PM

        Puig has struck out 7 times so far in the series, has left 13 runners on base, and has all of 2 RBI’s in a series his team is losing 3 games to 1.

        Twice he has helped kill any hopes of 9th inning rallies in close games – last night by swinging poorly on an inside pitch that resulted in a double play, and a few nights ago by striking out badly on 4 pitches in a 1-0 loss.

        Whatever Craig and people in LA think about how “amazing” Puig was for bat-tossing and styling and profiling after his first hit in 13 at-bats, I’m quite sure the Cardinals are even more pleased with his performance so far. And they probably hope he continues his “amazing” performance today.

    • Brian Donohue - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:30 AM

      This sort of thing is best left to the professionals — the Onion comes first to mind, then maybe Funny or Die and of course deadspin. Maybe Colbert will take it on.

    • Brian Donohue - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:38 AM

      Ah, here’s one from deadspin: I would have added the title “Forget MRSA — fear the Mickey Mouse contagion in sports” http://deadspin.com/why-dont-the-st-louis-cardinals-respect-the-game-1445679050

      • stlouis1baseball - Oct 16, 2013 at 11:09 AM

        Thanks Brian. But I missed the shot of the Cardinals yapping at the Dodgers pitcher from 3rd base while he was trying to pitch. I better take another look. I am sure it is included.

    • ilovegspot - Oct 16, 2013 at 12:10 PM

      All you losers need to kiss a girl someday. What a bunck of fuckin babies posting her. Leave the kid alone and let him enjoy himself.

      • bfunk1978 - Oct 16, 2013 at 3:47 PM

        WHAT?

  2. blacksables - Oct 16, 2013 at 8:20 AM

    Yoenis Céspedes is from Cuba also.

    I don’t remember him acting this way, so correct me if I’m wrong.

    I would think this is less about growing up in Cuba and more about being an individual.

    People choose to act they way they do, not have it forced upon them.

    • brazcubas - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:13 AM

      It’s not that he’s demonstrative because he’s Cuban, but because he played in a league where being demonstrative is not a bad thing.

      I’m sure Ace Wainwright is often tempted to throw a fist pump or a shout of joy, but remembers that time in Little League when he behaved in such a shameful manner only to return to the dugout where everyone treated him like a leper, so he thinks better of it and keeps it to himself.

      • paperlions - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:37 AM

        In game 5 against Pittsburgh, Wainwright was fist pumping outs during the FIRST INNING. He did it all game long….and….who cares?

      • brazcubas - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:11 AM

        No one should, really, but plenty do.

        I don’t even mind that much columnists and fans getting the vapors over player celebrations, they’re free to enjoy baseball in whatever ultra-narrow way they wish, and I’m free to poke a little fun now and then.

        When players decide that only their brand of celebration is acceptable, though, that’s just a whole ‘nother level of ridiculous. They should just mind their own.

    • clydeserra - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:28 AM

      then you, like most people, don’t watch the A’s. He has been great this year, but last year he watched HR’s regularly missed cut offs, ran into outs on the bases.

      He wasn’t as exaggerated as Puig, but he did the exact same things.

  3. proudlycanadian - Oct 16, 2013 at 8:33 AM

    Author # 1 needs something to help him mellow out. Author # 2 is more mellow than # 1, but it is difficult to fake real outrage. Nice try though. I liked the Mickey Mouse reference.

    The Dodgers are fun to write about. The Cardinals are rather boring.

  4. stex52 - Oct 16, 2013 at 8:34 AM

    Puig will be better if he calms down and learns some discipline. Beltran is right. But on the other hand I’m getting tired of being lectured on “how the game should be played.” We seemed to get more than our share of self-appointed Guardians of the Eternal Flame this year. In the end the way to play the game is to hit the ball hard, catch the ball and throw it better than your opponent. He seems to have a pretty good handle on that stuff.

    And article #2 was so bad it was hilarious.

  5. cur68 - Oct 16, 2013 at 8:42 AM

    Trick question! BOTH are spoof articles. How do I know? Obvious. No sane adult would go around spouting crap like this and expect to be taken seriously. Its baseball, not brain surgery or feeding the poor. In the context of his play, Puig’s celebration of his near homer and subsequent hitting is perfectly understandable. He’d been in a slump and now he’s not. He seems pretty happy about that. What’s more, he seems OK with the viewing public knowing that he’s happy. Ive watched his playoff games. None of his happiness seems designed to show up the pitcher, rather to celebrate the end of his slump and contribution to his team’s chances of winning the game.

    When he was sitting on the bench with his head in his hands, were the opposing pitchers consoling him? Saying “Buck up, ‘Ole Sock. You’ll get out of it”? No. They were pretty silent on the subject of his obvious misery. The press dwelt on it, though. Replayed that shot of him slumped there, head down, a pair of hands the size of garbage can lids covering his face, many times. Well, now they can replay the shots of his hitting and the big smile on his face. And opposing pitchers? They can do what they did when he was miserable. Say nothing.

  6. atxjustin - Oct 16, 2013 at 8:52 AM

    This article on Deadspin sums up the situation perfectly.

    http://deadspin.com/why-dont-the-st-louis-cardinals-respect-the-game-1445679050

    • proudlycanadian - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:11 AM

      Those Cardinals sure failed to pretend that they had done it before. How new school of them.

    • cincinata - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:12 AM

      You are comparing apples to oranges as the expression goes. No one is saying that no player should show some emotion after a great play etc.. What batters do in the instance of hitting a Home Run, and then standing there sort of taunting, is to shove it in the face of the pitcher and make him look bad. None of the scenes you show tell me that any of the Cards are doing anything like that. Likewise, when Gonzo hits safely and tries to pump up his team by celebrating and cheering on others, he is not doing what Puig did. Puig is saying “IN YOUR FACE” to the pitcher. That is what the difference is in this case. Puig should take a hint from Gonzo, and act likewise. Anyone who played the game above sandlot knows the difference.

      • indaburg - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:28 AM

        The man was celebrating breaking out of a deep slump during a critical time for his team. He was not showing up the pitcher.

        When a Cardinals pitcher pumps his fist when celebrating a strike out, that’s not showing up the hitter? You can’t have it both ways. (For what it’s worth, I don’t care if he does. Just don’t bitch about the other team celebrating either.)

      • churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:34 AM

        You are comparing apples to oranges as the expression goes. No one is saying that no player should show some emotion after a great play etc..

        One of the complaints was against Gonzalez and how he reacted after he hit the double. How is that any different than the Matt Carpenter reaction after hitting a triple?

        Face it, everyone does it. Only certain teams complain about it.

      • paperlions - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:40 AM

        In fairness Church, apparently Wainwright was not complaining about Gonzalez celebrating on 2B, he was complaining about Gonzalez carping at him when he was on 3B and Wainwright was pitching.

      • cincinata - Oct 16, 2013 at 11:09 AM

        Church: You obviously never played the game after the eighth grade. Flipping the bat in the air and standing at home plate cheering your batted ball, is not the same as pumping your fist after hitting a double, triple or even a single driving in a run. No one in the conversation is faulting Puig for celebrating his triple, (by the way if he did not do all of the antics at the plate and ran it out, he may have in inside the park H-R), most people do not like any of the showboat antics of some players today. That is one reason why I turned away from Phillips in Cinti. In case you don’t know it, he is the biggest showboat on the field. Most of the acrobatics he shows on the field are unnecessary to make the plays he makes. I do not deny that he is one of the best a second base in the game, I object to his showing off and telling everyone how good he is. How many of the great players make a good play and then lay face down on the filed for one or two minutes to show everybody how great he is? That is Phillips, and I put Puig in that same class. Also, I saw the GS Ortiz hit in game 2. Totally unnecessary and too show boating. Doesn’t mean Ortiz is not a great hitter.

      • cur68 - Oct 16, 2013 at 12:04 PM

        “You Never Played The Game”? THAT’S your rejoinder?

        ROFL

    • indaburg - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:23 AM

      You beat me to it, atx. It’s only showboating when the other guy does it.

  7. rbj1 - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:19 AM

    First of all Kallet, stop using the word “pimp.” Pimps are evil men (and some women) who beat up, make addicted, sexually abuse and evil kill vulnerable people, usually women and girls. “Pimping out” is much more offensive than “Redskin” because you are essentially legitimizing a vile way of life.

    Next, call out David Ortiz when he admires a homerun.

  8. jimmyt - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:44 AM

    I doubt I am the only one who doesn’t care what sportswriters ( or sports blog writers for that matter) write.

  9. sleepyirv - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:45 AM

    I’m shocked and dismayed that people playing baseball might enjoy themselves.

  10. tjgrizz - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:46 AM

    It’s not the clapping and excitement, it was the bat flip 8 feet in the air. There is excitement for finishing a great play and there is being an asshat b/c you’re an asshat

  11. jhaegs - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:52 AM

    “Cardinals are boring”

    Well, I’m sure a “boring” Cardinal would have turned that hit into an inside the parker, instead of a showboating triple. The only ones that should be mad at the antics are the Dodgers and their fans, as it can lead to self-inflicted harm. Oh well, the Dodgers can go visit Mickey Mouse in a couple days- they’ll have plenty of time on their hands. BIRDS!

  12. cabrera24 - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:53 AM

    I love the way he plays the game . I love the energy he brings to the field everyday . I love his attitude . I play baseball everyday and I think that’s how baseball should be play. I love the hustle and that’s baseball ….. YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO STOP HATING ON THE GUY MAN.

  13. lightcleric - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:54 AM

    I’ve actually mellowed somewhat on Puig. My only complaint is wait until you actually get to the bag before you start celebrating getting there so you don’t risk messing it up; ask Nick Punto what can happen if you aren’t aware at all times. The TBS pre-game had a good shot of him both standing in the box watching his triple and then celebrating during his run.

    Once you’re there, go “Mickey Mouse”, hell, go Little Mermaid if you want. As long as you’re not directing it AT the other team, who cares? If the other team doesn’t want you being excited about a triple then they should, you know, not give up a triple.

    • jc4455 - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:34 AM

      Right. Puig does actual to harm his team. He should stop doing that.

  14. abxyer - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:55 AM

    You dont want him to showboat? Either bean his ass right on the ribs with a 96 mph heater or dont pitch him anything or strike him out, but if he gets a hold of one…..he should showboat all he wants, this is a league for the FANS. Fans want to see that, so showboat for your FANS!

    • thebestfaninbaseball - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:16 AM

      Option 3: Get him to stupidly ground into a rally-killing double play in the bottom of the ninth. That worked pretty well.

  15. jhaegs - Oct 16, 2013 at 9:56 AM

    Also, there’s a difference between a fist pump AFTER a strikeout, and a (non) homerun BEFORE it leaves the park. Maybe if he hit a HR like Holliday’s bomb last night, then he could take his time. No doubt about that one.

  16. jhaegs - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:03 AM

    @abxyer

    So the FANS appreciated the fact that he could have had an easy ITPHR, instead of a triple? I would’ve laughed my ass off if he didn’t score that inning. I’m sure Dodgers and their FANS would be singing a different time also.

  17. cabrera24 - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:08 AM

    I’m a phillies fans not a dodgers fan but I love how he plays . At least he hustles down the line unlike someone from Washington . Hahahah!!!

  18. bkertz - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:08 AM

    Can’t we all just agree to disagree and move on? It’s ok to like / dislike the celebration. I’m tired of all the talk of the celebrations and “keepers of the game”. Let’s just enjoy the game that we all love and write/read about the actual game.

  19. jhaegs - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:25 AM

    Oooooo I am a fan of option 3. How bout you Dodgers fans? He may have been distracted by a shooting star that happened to be Holliday’s HR coming back to Earth…

  20. jhaegs - Oct 16, 2013 at 10:40 AM

    Turning a HR into a triple sounds like harm to me. He’s just lucky he got driven in…

  21. elmo - Oct 16, 2013 at 11:04 AM

    I think they both suck. The satire reads like a straight imitation without subtlety or irony. You may be right, Craig, that parodying that kind of self-righteous silliness is impossible.

  22. cabrera24 - Oct 16, 2013 at 12:06 PM

    If your not a dodgers fan, please stop caring about him . If you guys are bother by his great talent why do you watch him ?

    • stex52 - Oct 16, 2013 at 12:32 PM

      It’s a blog. We all get a vote.

  23. bh192012 - Oct 16, 2013 at 12:40 PM

    Personally I’d like to see Puig spin the bat on home plate, then twerk each of the umpires as he rounds the bags.

    Maybe throw in a few crotch crabs at the infielders as he goes by. Then instead of a curtain call, in the middle of the 3rd inning the whole team can come out and “ride the train” wearing chewbacca masks while flipping off the other team.

  24. tedwest - Oct 16, 2013 at 12:57 PM

    I know I should probably be more tolerant because he doesn’t seem all that bright, but whenever I talk about Puig, I always omit one or the other vowel from his last name.

  25. Patrick - Oct 16, 2013 at 4:42 PM

    Do you people hear yourselves?? What is he doing that is SO AWFUL?? This narrative was just kind of spontaneously generated because of a perfect storm of circumstances (Cuban defector, huge contract, “ethnic”/i.e. not white, extremely talented, playing in Los Angeles). People are just buying into this narrative without any empirical evidence! How many of you actually watched an entire Dodger game before the playoffs? I would estimate very few, if any. You love being spoonfed your ESPN gruel because it’s easy for your old digestive systems to handle. Puig is the “spicy food” you just can’t handle any more, and Scott Miller, Jon Paul Morosi, ESPN, et al. are your antacids.

    He may make mistakes and mental errors, and he may demonstrate noticeably more verve and enthusiasm for the game (I would argue that he doesn’t, at least not any more so than some white players, Hunter Pence comes to mind), but PLEASE some one, any one, show me an instance where he DEFINITIVELY “disrespected the game.”

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