Oct 25, 2013, 5:44 PM EDT
This is somewhat less serious than an investigation from the Department of Labor. But it is scary all the same! A letter from the American Mustache Institute to the General Counsel of the Boston Red Sox:
We at the American Mustache Institute (AMI) applaud you and the Boston Red Sox for your extraordinary success in this 2013 Major League Baseball Season and wish you the best against the St. Louis Cardinals in what all of America hopes will be a competitive World Series matchup.
However, while each member of the Mustached American community appreciates your team’s harnessing of facial hair towards athletic excellence, your marketing of beardism violates the expressed federal trademark of AMI’s ownership of the Sexually Dynamic Mustached American Lifestyle, and in particular, our legal right to approve via “expressed written consent” of any use of said beardism or mustacheularity in marketing the Red Sox’s winning ways or merchandise.
It’s an open and shut case, frankly. They’re probably seeking an injunction to force-shave the Sox before tomorrow night’s game as we speak.
- Ivan Nova diagnosed with a partially torn ulnar collateral ligament in his right elbow 4
- Settling the Score: Saturday’s results 20
- Bryce Harper pulled from Saturday’s game for not hustling 88
- Report: MLB likely to adjust rules for plays at home and transfer catches 24
- Settling the Score: Friday’s results 17
- Hank Aaron is getting vile racist hate mail in retaliation for pointing out that racism still exists (248)
- “They Don’t Know Henry” (167)
- Doug Glanville’s story about being racially profiled at his own home (127)
- There is still a racial divide in baseball (112)
- Must-Click Link: Yasiel Puig’s harrowing journey to the United States (96)