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John Axford will turn your car off for you if you leave it running

Nov 19, 2013, 1:30 PM EDT

One man’s good deed is another man failing to mind his own damn business. Your mileage will likely vary, but I find this amusing either way:

Question: is the KCCO a British Keep Calm and Carry On or is it a Keep Calm and Chive on message? Depending on the answer it will probably will impact how I feel about Axford going forward.

  1. cur68 - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:37 PM

    Its the part where he says he gave it a hug. That’s the best part, right there.

    The Axe: A Fine Canadian just trying to learn the local customs and practices. I imagine he speaks in a Balki Bartokomous accent and tries apologize all the time, too. That’s what I would do.

    • paperlions - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:38 PM

      Goddammit get back to work! Chapter 5 isn’t going to write itself.

      • cur68 - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:43 PM

        Yeah, yeah. I just cant resist a good Axeford post, though. He’s hilarious.

        Anyhow, what’s another term for “respondents” (and not “The subjects”! I’m sick of that, too)? I’m getting sick of calling the lazy buggers who only completed a portion of the questionnaire that. I’m told I can’t refer to them as “lazy rat-fink physicians”.

      • paperlions - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:48 PM

        “Lazy-rat-fink physicians” seems to be highly redundant.

        Can you just restructure sentences to use pronouns? “Those surveyed…”, “Of those that responded….” or possibly make the responses themselves the subject such as “A majority of responses were…” or “Few responses indicated….”?

        Creative sentence construction can alleviate redundancy and often leads to more succinct exposition.

      • cur68 - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:51 PM

        Thanks,man! You just spiced up about four paragraphs worth of redundancy. woot!

      • paperlions - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:53 PM

        I live to serve, and, you know, spice things up.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:58 PM

        No passive voice! Passive voice is not spicey. It’s strictly margarine. If they had to mail their responses in, I vote for “people of stamps” or “Seligites.”

      • paperlions - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:08 PM

        “No passive voice” is like the “no split infinitives” rule…it is more like a guideline, and there are some infinitives that every editor will split because they just don’t like them not to be split.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:13 PM

        Passive voice is the writing equivalent of the balk, Sir.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:58 PM

        Also, if you use “stakeholders,” I shoot you.

      • paperlions - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:03 PM

        Agreed. I want to assault every administrator I hear use the word “stakeholder” (so far, none of them have been referring to a person that is hunting vampires, which, I think, is the only acceptable usage). As far as I can tell, at least in a university administration setting, calling someone a “stakeholder” is a nice way of saying “someone with a vested interest in this unilateral decision we are making whose opinion we are going to totally ignore”.

      • raysfan1 - Nov 19, 2013 at 6:04 PM

        I’ve never minded being referred to as “lazy rat-fink physician”.

        I’d even answer to “self-important blow-hard who actually deigned to answer my survey so I can write this ____ thesis.”

      • paperlions - Nov 19, 2013 at 6:19 PM

        HA! Your answer has shown you to be a charlatan! Any truly self important blow hard would be too self important to refer to himself as such.

      • raysfan1 - Nov 19, 2013 at 6:28 PM

        Curses! Foiled again!

        I still stand by the lazy part though.

        (True story–a former commander of mine, in noting my previous accomplishments, asked me my secret for achieving success…I replied that if one wishes to find the most efficient way to get something done, hand the task to a lazy person with a conscience. Having a conscience, the task will get done. Being lazy, it will be done with the least effort necessary. I concluded with stating that I am very efficient.)

      • cur68 - Nov 19, 2013 at 6:46 PM

        By “______ thesis” you mean “Dog Awful, never ending, bane of my existence, leach on my soul, intractable drain on my resources thesis”, then you’ve deduced the running header on each page of this thing.

      • raysfan1 - Nov 19, 2013 at 7:00 PM

        A bit longer and less profane than I was thinking, but yes.

    • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:45 PM

      You’re writing a book?

      • cur68 - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:47 PM

        master’s thesis. I don’t recommend it.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:50 PM

        I dodged that bullet. Sucker.

        BTW, the Chickasaw Nation has been running ads on TV about how they helped the American colonists kick your butts in 1812.

        This has been your history distraction for the day.

      • cur68 - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:07 PM

        Well I guess s/he who writes the website content writes the history then, eh?

        Wasn’t it Albert Einstein who said “I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but I know that they who claim victory first on the internet and write it up on wikipedia will have won it.” ?

      • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:12 PM

        Which is exactly why I have to slap people on Twitter when they tweet bad history.

        /feels self-satisfied

      • raysfan1 - Nov 19, 2013 at 6:09 PM

        Which is why I chose a master’s program that did not require a thesis, although they definitely made up for that in other ways.

      • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 8:13 PM

        Same here. I did two research projects instead…which was still a lot of writing but much less worry about format, at least. I got a writing prize for one, does that count? he he

  2. Jeremy T - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:39 PM

    Considering he tweeted @TheChive, I’m gonna say it was the latter

  3. clydeserra - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:41 PM

    good for him. please turn your car off and lock it when you are not with it.

  4. chacochicken - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:42 PM

    I’ve done something similar but drive away instead of turning it off.

    • churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:50 PM

      Was it Jim Fassell’s car?

      • chacochicken - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:12 PM

        I avoid the NE corridor. Far too much competition. In my defense, I was being chased by a coyote at the time.

      • tfbuckfutter - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:38 PM

        Grumpy Jim doesn’t appreciate your humor.

    • aphillieated - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:17 PM

      I only did that once.

  5. NatsLady - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:46 PM

    Axford is a riot. I remember the note he left when he had to leave for his baby’s birth.

  6. paperlions - Nov 19, 2013 at 1:55 PM

    Oddly enough, this post (and the link provided by NatsLady) give me a more favorable disposition toward the Cardinals tendering a contract to Axford or even signing him to a 2 year deal if it keeps the AAV down.

    • fearlessleader - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:09 PM

      I pretty much adore Axford, and when I wrote a very stupid blog post to honor his arrival in St. Louis, he liked it so much that he tweeted it to his followers and posted it on Facebook. He does a great job of leveraging his celebrity status for worthwhile ends without falling in love with his own aura. If he can keep the life on the fastball, I think he’d be a great veteran to have around the clubhouse for a while longer.

      (Here’s the post if you care:

      • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 2:20 PM

        I see you are still crushing hard there.

      • fearlessleader - Nov 19, 2013 at 4:51 PM

        Well, he’s no KOZMA!, but he’s pretty irresistible, don’t you think?

      • historiophiliac - Nov 19, 2013 at 5:10 PM

        He’s aight for a blubber eater and all.

      • cur68 - Nov 19, 2013 at 5:16 PM


      • raysfan1 - Nov 19, 2013 at 6:14 PM

        Eating blubber? Gotta do something to keep warm, I suppose. Not what I’d pick though. I hear it’s a balmy 1 degree up yonder just now.

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