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Behold: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’s Baseball-Reference page

Dec 16, 2013, 2:25 PM EDT

Rudolph

He had a .744 OPS in the Arctic League and then got called up to the bigs and posted a line of .312/.379/.447 in his rookie year? All at age 7?

I feel like we have another classic Upper Greenland age falsification scandal on our hands. Crap like this would never happen if we had an international reindeer draft with strict slotting.

  1. sdelmonte - Dec 16, 2013 at 2:28 PM

    Sigh. More holiday season silliness.

    Wake me when it’s next year and we can talk about who didn’t get into the Hall of Fame.

    • braddavery - Dec 16, 2013 at 3:52 PM

      Ebenezer Scrooge? Is that you???

      • sdelmonte - Dec 16, 2013 at 4:55 PM

        No, just Ebenezer Jew. Never mind me.

  2. xdj511 - Dec 16, 2013 at 2:30 PM

    Ugh. Now I want that Rudolph baseball card.

    • moogro - Dec 17, 2013 at 2:52 PM

      Glee!

  3. madhatternalice - Dec 16, 2013 at 2:37 PM

    Look at that stat jump from 2012-2013! Must be using PEDs…

    • nothanksimdriving123 - Dec 16, 2013 at 4:51 PM

      Normal maturity. Recall he reported to camp that season in the BSOHL! Has always tested clean for PEFs (performance enhancing foliage).
      And how about some props for Yukon Cornelius, who not only scouted Rudy, but helped saved his life!! And a shout-out to Dr. Hermey, the team dentist!

      • CJ - Dec 16, 2013 at 6:58 PM

        I call BS. He’s gotta be using that deer antler spray, if nothing else.

      • nothanksimdriving123 - Dec 17, 2013 at 12:14 AM

        Hey, back off, it’s legal in Greenland.

  4. Francisco (FC) - Dec 16, 2013 at 2:42 PM

    The “Similar Players” section is amusing and apropos… until you reach Ozzie Guillen, how did Oz make that list?

    • robmoore - Dec 16, 2013 at 2:51 PM

      Yeah, there’s a joke there I think I’m not getting, although It being there as a complete non-sequitur is funny all on its own. What were some of Ozzie’s nicknames when he was playing?

    • bfunk1978 - Dec 16, 2013 at 4:01 PM

      I’m so stupid I read it as Ozzie Canseco. No idea what I was thinking.

    • NatsLady - Dec 16, 2013 at 5:35 PM

      That was fun,” Foley said of building out the page. “I started out with an existing baseball-reference page and just started adding and subtracting from it and one of my coworkers suggested Rob Deer be the number one guy and it just kind of snowballed from there. Ozzie Guillen just happened to be the No. 10 guy on the page I was using and as far as I’m concerned Ozzie Guillen is always funny so we left him on there.”

      Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/rudolph-red-nosed-shortstop-hit-stats-site-article-1.1549665#ixzz2ngCvwn00

    • indaburg - Dec 16, 2013 at 8:40 PM

      Oh, that’s easy. It’s actually not well known, but Rudolph’s mom was actually of Venezuelan decent. They emigrated to the North Pole for better opportunities for young Mitzi. Opportunities are quite limited, I understand, for flying reindeer in Venezuela. Upward mobility of reindeers is limited in all of Latin America, really. Plus, Ozzie was a shortstop, just like Rudolph.

  5. lightcleric - Dec 16, 2013 at 2:43 PM

    Wow, 8 triples and 33 stolen bases. Rudy’s got some wheels!

    • nothanksimdriving123 - Dec 17, 2013 at 12:16 AM

      Well, with twice as many as most players, I’d certainly hope so.

  6. yahmule - Dec 16, 2013 at 2:46 PM

    This is what he does instead of those doofy reindeer games.

  7. cohnjusack - Dec 16, 2013 at 2:50 PM

    Here’s how dumb my brain is:

    Upon seeing “Rob Deer” at the top of the similar batters list, I thought they had made an error since Rob Deer’s batting skills were vastly different from little-power, middle-infield-style hitting fictional Rudolph. I was further confused in that #2 JT Snow was nothing like EITHER of them. It took me a good 2 minutes to realize my error.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to my job as assistant box-folder.

    • jerze2387 - Dec 16, 2013 at 3:06 PM

      assistant Box-folder to that guy at dominos from the commercials?

      The one who folds 500 boxes an hour for a place that sells 4 pizzas an hour, because youd be better off eating the box? (and yes that tatement dawned on me as soon as i typed it but theres no other way to say it)

    • bfunk1978 - Dec 16, 2013 at 4:03 PM

      Also I found this, which might help explain it.

      • bfunk1978 - Dec 16, 2013 at 4:03 PM

        no, I found this. Sigh.

        http://headblitz.com/ozzie-guillen-christmas-commercial-outtakes-video/

  8. aphillieated - Dec 16, 2013 at 3:06 PM

    I miss baseball too, Craig. smh

  9. Simon M. - Dec 16, 2013 at 3:07 PM

    A-Rod’s real estate malfeasance…John Goodman…Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer…it really IS a slow news day

  10. spudchukar - Dec 16, 2013 at 3:23 PM

    OK, for the worthless trivia fans, did you know that some reindeer actually have red noses.

    • Reflex - Dec 16, 2013 at 4:07 PM

      Yes, and that its a symptom of a parasite infection.

  11. yahmule - Dec 16, 2013 at 3:40 PM

    Some of his teammates grumble that Rudolph is the Brown-Nosed Reindeer, if you know what I mean. Why keep him in the lead on clear nights instead of the old rotational system? Because he used his celebrity status to get to the old man, that’s why. Santa is intensely image conscious. No Megyn Kelly’s in his PR department, you understand?

    • NatsLady - Dec 16, 2013 at 5:09 PM

      The other reindeer were bullying Rudolph because he’s different. Making fun of him and not letting him join in their games. Humph!

  12. kalinedrive - Dec 16, 2013 at 3:50 PM

    Odd that the stats on the baseball card match the stats from the regular baseball-reference grid for every category except BB. Odder still that I compared the two listings.

  13. historiophiliac - Dec 16, 2013 at 4:51 PM

    I see that even in the Arctic League they don’t let the females play. Hummph! Maybe Clarice can get a tryout with the Iceland Misfits. Go, Misfits! Beat Toyville!

    • Reflex - Dec 16, 2013 at 5:40 PM

      Clarice throws like a girl…

      *hides*

      • historiophiliac - Dec 16, 2013 at 5:55 PM

        You throw like Delmon Young!

      • mikhelb - Dec 16, 2013 at 5:57 PM

        hahahahaha good one!

      • Reflex - Dec 16, 2013 at 8:00 PM

        I’m only hurt because its true. Sigh.

  14. crackersnap - Dec 18, 2013 at 12:57 PM

    Originally signed by Gene Autry.

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