Skip to content

Yankees Hot Tub Time Machine

Dec 18, 2013, 1:18 PM EDT

hot tub time machine

It just gets better and better with the New York Yankees. They just signed Brian Roberts.

I wrote before (in my Ichiro Suzuki essay for the 100 greatest players) that this Yankees team would look awfully good … in 2006. But by essentially replacing Robinson Cano with Brian Roberts, they have — in a weird way — gotten even older. Roberts best year was probably 2005, which you will note is actually BEFORE 2006.

Here is the Yankees starting lineup … and what was probably each player’s best season:

C: Brian McCann (2006 with Atlanta): .333/.388/.572, 24 homers, 93 RBis.

1B: Mark Teixeira (2005 with Texas): .301/.379/.575, 43 homers, 144 RBIs, 112 runs, Gold Glove.

2B: Brian Roberts (2006 with Baltimore): .314/.387/.515, 45 doubles, 18 homers, 27 steals, 92 runs.

SS: Derek Jeter (1999 with Yankees): .349/.438/.552 with 24 homers, 102 RBIs, 134 runs, 219 hits.

3B: Alex Rodriguez: (2007 with Yankees): .314/.422/.645, 54 homers, 156 RBIs, 143 runs, 24 steals.

LF: Alfonso Soriano (2002 with Yankees): .300/.332/.547, 39 homers, 41 steals, 102 RBIs, 128 runs.

CF: Jacoby Ellsbury (2011 with Boston): .321/.376/.552, 32 homers, 105 RBis, 119 runs, 39 steals, Gold Glove.

RF: Ichiro Suzuki (2004 with Seattle): .372/.414/.455 with 262 hits, 101 runs, 36 steals, Gold Glove.

DH: Carlos Beltran 2006 with Mets): : ..275/.388/.594, 41 homers, 116 RBIs, 127 runs 18 steals, Gold Glove.

In case you’re wondering, that averages out to the year 2005. This team would have peaked in 2005, even if Ellsbury was playing for Lowell of the New York Penn League at the time.

And, don’t forget, this team still has Vernon Wells (best year probably 2003 — .317 with league leading 49 doubles, 215 hits and 373 total bases) and Brett Gardner (best year a more recent 2010 — .383 OBP, 97 runs).

Oh, if only the Yankees had a Hot Tub Time Machine — or the phone booth from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure — they could put together one of the greatest teams in baseball history. Heck, let’s say it, if they could have all nine of those players, in their prime, that would be the greatest team ever. You have (by performance) three SURE Hall of Famers (A-Rod, Jeter, Ichiro), a possible Hall of Famer (Beltran) and four All-Star superstars.

Instead, Tex is old and played just 15 games last year, Jeter is old and played in 17 games, A-Rod is old and with a pending suspension that would last more than a year, Ichiro is old and has not even managed a .300 average since 2010, Roberts is old and is hitting .231/.289/.344 the last three seasons. Soriano and Beltran are old too, though they still had something left last year. Even McCann and Ellsbury, who are like One Direction compared to this gang of Rolling Stones, will be 30 on Opening Day.

Michael Schur and I argue about the Yankees all the time. I believe this team is about to become an all-time fiasco … something that has been building for a few years now with these gigantic and back-loaded contracts that, sooner or later, come due. I look at this creaky team — and the fact the Yankees had to pay a huge luxury tax just to put it together — and see doom.

He does not. He believes that there is some sort of evil empire nectar that they give players when they arrive so that as bad as the Yankees may LOOK to outsiders, they will always find a way to win. Always. Ichiro will suddenly hit .350 again. Roberts will become a .300 hitter, Tex will win the Triple Crown. Whatever miracles have to happen, Michael believes, will happen. He has his points. Even last year, when just about every single thing that could go wrong for the Yankees did, the Yankees still won 85 games and were mild postseason contenders into September.

I guess we’ll find out. I don’t know, to me this team looks like one of those Steinbrenner specials when the aging corpses of Jesse Barfield and Claudell Washington and Jose Cruz and Steve Kemp and Mike Easler and Steve Sax and Andy Hawkins and Scott Sanderson and Pascual Perez were clanging around. But, hey, you know, some of those teams did win a bit. And when you put together a team of players who were, at least at one time, great players …

… you can’t tell me the Yankees aren’t looking into buying one of those hot tubs on Ebay.

Latest Posts
  1. Rangers designate Neftali Feliz for assignment, activate Matt Harrison

    Jul 4, 2015, 12:58 AM EDT

    Neftali Feliz Neftali Feliz

    In a shocking move, the Rangers designated Neftali Feliz for assignment to clear roster space for Matt Harrison.

  2. Coco Crisp is dealing with kidney stones

    Jul 3, 2015, 11:45 PM EDT

    Coco Crisp Coco Crisp

    Base Ba’al has no mercy for Coco Crisp.

  3. Report: Mets willing to “overpay” to acquire Ben Zobrist

    Jul 3, 2015, 11:05 PM EDT

    Ben Zobrist Ben Zobrist

    The Mets are VERY interested in Ben Zobrist.

  4. The Mets have discussed, but decided against, calling up prospect Michael Conforto

    Jul 3, 2015, 10:10 PM EDT

    Michael Conforto, Barbaro Arruebarruena Michael Conforto, Barbaro Arruebarruena

    The Mets are getting desperate for runs, but aren’t ready to rush prospect Michael Conforto just yet.

  5. Miguel Cabrera exits Friday’s game with a calf injury

    Jul 3, 2015, 9:20 PM EDT

    DETROIT, MI - JULY 3: Miguel Cabrera #24 of the Detroit Tigers leaves the game with trainer Kevin Rand during the fourth inning of the game against the Toronto Blue Jays on July 3, 2015 at Comerica Park in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Leon Halip/Getty Images) Getty Images

    Miguel Cabrera suffered a calf injury after a single in the fourth inning on Friday against the Blue Jays.

  6. Patrick Corbin to start for the Diamondbacks on Saturday

    Jul 3, 2015, 8:35 PM EDT

    Patrick Corbin Patrick Corbin

    Patrick Corbin will complete his long trek back to the major leagues when he starts against the Rockies on Saturday.

  7. Josh Reddick expressed unhappiness with his playing time in a radio interview, then apologized

    Jul 3, 2015, 7:45 PM EDT

    Josh Reddick Getty Images

    The Athletics haven’t used Josh Reddick much against left-handed starters. Reddick isn’t too happy with that, despite his results against southpaws.

  8. Pirates prospect Jameson Taillon to miss two months due to hernia surgery

    Jul 3, 2015, 6:55 PM EDT

    Jameson Taillon Jameson Taillon

    Jameson Taillon was getting pretty close to returning to action for the Pirates, but an inguinal hernia has knocked him back on the shelf.

  9. Cubs acquire Clayton Richard from the Pirates for cash considerations

    Jul 3, 2015, 6:05 PM EDT

    Clayton Richard Clayton Richard

    The Cubs acquired Clayton Richard from the Pirates and he’ll start for the club on Saturday.

  10. The Blue Jays are interested in Jeff Samardzija

    Jul 3, 2015, 3:52 PM EDT

    Jeff Samardzija AP

    Both he and the White Sox have disappointed this year, but he could help a contender.

  11. The Tigers have designated Joba Chamberlain and Tom Gorzelanny for assignment

    Jul 3, 2015, 3:11 PM EDT

    Joba Chamberlain Getty Images

    Chamberlain has posted a 4.09 ERA and an ugly 1.682 WHIP in 30 appearances this year. Gorzelanny has been even worse.

  12. Travis Ishikawa designated for assignment by the Giants. Again.

    Jul 3, 2015, 2:05 PM EDT

    travis ishikawa getty Getty Images

    He’s only had six plate appearances since being recalled in late June.

  13. Yovani Gallardo extended his scoreless innings streak to 29 and a third

    Jul 3, 2015, 9:11 AM EDT

    Yovani Gallardo Getty Images

    He has a 2.56 ERA and a 72/31 K/BB ratio over 102 innings on the season.

  14. The Braves get a walkoff win against Max Scherzer

    Jul 3, 2015, 8:30 AM EDT

    Cameron Maybin Getty Images

    He wasn’t hit hard, but the Braves hit ’em where they weren’t.

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. M. Moore (3434)
  2. J. Hamilton (3353)
  3. J. Ellsbury (3158)
  4. M. Cain (2983)
  5. M. Sano (2914)
  1. H. Ramirez (2744)
  2. J. Fernandez (2561)
  3. P. Corbin (2532)
  4. B. Harper (2485)
  5. C. Dickerson (2400)