Skip to content

Yankees Hot Tub Time Machine

Dec 18, 2013, 1:18 PM EDT

hot tub time machine

It just gets better and better with the New York Yankees. They just signed Brian Roberts.

I wrote before (in my Ichiro Suzuki essay for the 100 greatest players) that this Yankees team would look awfully good … in 2006. But by essentially replacing Robinson Cano with Brian Roberts, they have — in a weird way — gotten even older. Roberts best year was probably 2005, which you will note is actually BEFORE 2006.

Here is the Yankees starting lineup … and what was probably each player’s best season:

C: Brian McCann (2006 with Atlanta): .333/.388/.572, 24 homers, 93 RBis.

1B: Mark Teixeira (2005 with Texas): .301/.379/.575, 43 homers, 144 RBIs, 112 runs, Gold Glove.

2B: Brian Roberts (2006 with Baltimore): .314/.387/.515, 45 doubles, 18 homers, 27 steals, 92 runs.

SS: Derek Jeter (1999 with Yankees): .349/.438/.552 with 24 homers, 102 RBIs, 134 runs, 219 hits.

3B: Alex Rodriguez: (2007 with Yankees): .314/.422/.645, 54 homers, 156 RBIs, 143 runs, 24 steals.

LF: Alfonso Soriano (2002 with Yankees): .300/.332/.547, 39 homers, 41 steals, 102 RBIs, 128 runs.

CF: Jacoby Ellsbury (2011 with Boston): .321/.376/.552, 32 homers, 105 RBis, 119 runs, 39 steals, Gold Glove.

RF: Ichiro Suzuki (2004 with Seattle): .372/.414/.455 with 262 hits, 101 runs, 36 steals, Gold Glove.

DH: Carlos Beltran 2006 with Mets): : ..275/.388/.594, 41 homers, 116 RBIs, 127 runs 18 steals, Gold Glove.

In case you’re wondering, that averages out to the year 2005. This team would have peaked in 2005, even if Ellsbury was playing for Lowell of the New York Penn League at the time.

And, don’t forget, this team still has Vernon Wells (best year probably 2003 — .317 with league leading 49 doubles, 215 hits and 373 total bases) and Brett Gardner (best year a more recent 2010 — .383 OBP, 97 runs).

Oh, if only the Yankees had a Hot Tub Time Machine — or the phone booth from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure — they could put together one of the greatest teams in baseball history. Heck, let’s say it, if they could have all nine of those players, in their prime, that would be the greatest team ever. You have (by performance) three SURE Hall of Famers (A-Rod, Jeter, Ichiro), a possible Hall of Famer (Beltran) and four All-Star superstars.

Instead, Tex is old and played just 15 games last year, Jeter is old and played in 17 games, A-Rod is old and with a pending suspension that would last more than a year, Ichiro is old and has not even managed a .300 average since 2010, Roberts is old and is hitting .231/.289/.344 the last three seasons. Soriano and Beltran are old too, though they still had something left last year. Even McCann and Ellsbury, who are like One Direction compared to this gang of Rolling Stones, will be 30 on Opening Day.

Michael Schur and I argue about the Yankees all the time. I believe this team is about to become an all-time fiasco … something that has been building for a few years now with these gigantic and back-loaded contracts that, sooner or later, come due. I look at this creaky team — and the fact the Yankees had to pay a huge luxury tax just to put it together — and see doom.

He does not. He believes that there is some sort of evil empire nectar that they give players when they arrive so that as bad as the Yankees may LOOK to outsiders, they will always find a way to win. Always. Ichiro will suddenly hit .350 again. Roberts will become a .300 hitter, Tex will win the Triple Crown. Whatever miracles have to happen, Michael believes, will happen. He has his points. Even last year, when just about every single thing that could go wrong for the Yankees did, the Yankees still won 85 games and were mild postseason contenders into September.

I guess we’ll find out. I don’t know, to me this team looks like one of those Steinbrenner specials when the aging corpses of Jesse Barfield and Claudell Washington and Jose Cruz and Steve Kemp and Mike Easler and Steve Sax and Andy Hawkins and Scott Sanderson and Pascual Perez were clanging around. But, hey, you know, some of those teams did win a bit. And when you put together a team of players who were, at least at one time, great players …

… you can’t tell me the Yankees aren’t looking into buying one of those hot tubs on Ebay.

Latest Posts
  1. Royals likely to decline Billy Butler’s option, but will he re-sign for less?

    Oct 30, 2014, 11:17 AM EDT

    Kansas City Royals v Chicago White Sox Reuters

    He’s the longest-tenured Royal, but his production has slipped.

  2. Royals planned to use Danny Duffy in the playoff rotation, but he was hurt

    Oct 30, 2014, 10:35 AM EDT

    Danny Duffy Getty Images

    “Obviously, he definitely would have been one of our starters.”

  3. Giants on re-signing Sandoval: ‘We’ll do the best we can’

    Oct 30, 2014, 10:20 AM EDT

    cd0ymzcznguwzdbhnduynddiytjhm2yyzthlmtjjotqwyyznpwqznwrhnzixzjqwmty2zjnmmda2odg3mwu0yjrmngqy AP

    Asked about his free agency, Panda only says: “I’m just going to celebrate.”

  4. Bochy’s championship resume ranks among game’s best

    Oct 30, 2014, 9:50 AM EDT

    Bruce Bochy Bruce Bochy

    Bochy has navigated the path to World Series crowns in 2010, 2012 and now 2014. In the process, the Giants have dispatched 10 consecutive postseason foes.

  5. Only thing Royals can do: Tip cap to Bumgarner

    Oct 30, 2014, 9:20 AM EDT

    Madison Bumgarner Madison Bumgarner

    There was no bitterness as Royals hitters talked about the mastery of Madison Bumgarner in this World Series.

  6. Alex Rodriguez, Barry Bonds celebrate the conclusion of the World Series

    Oct 30, 2014, 7:25 AM EDT

    Alex Rodriguez Getty Images

    History’s Greatest Monsters were happy for different reasons last night.

  7. Inside the Giants’ clubhouse …

    Oct 30, 2014, 12:15 AM EDT

    1bochy getty Getty Images

    The champagne and beer is flowing in the visitors clubhouse at Kauffman Stadium following the Giants’ Game 7 win …

  8. Alex Gordon would have been a dead duck had he tried to score

    Oct 30, 2014, 12:11 AM EDT

    Gordon 1

    A breakdown of Alex Gordon’s two-out hit in the bottom of the ninth.

  9. Video: Pablo Sandoval catches final out in foul territory, Giants win 2014 World Series

    Oct 29, 2014, 11:57 PM EDT

    giants world series getty Getty Images

    Here’s the final out of Wednesday night’s Game 7 that secured the Giants’ eighth World Series title …

  10. Madison Bumgarner named World Series MVP … obviously

    Oct 29, 2014, 11:37 PM EDT

    1bumgarner getty Getty Images

    Madison Bumgarner threw five scoreless innings to close out Game 7 on Wednesday night at Kauffman Stadium and allowed just one run in 21 total frames during the 2014 World Series

  11. Game 7 live blog: The Giants are World Series Champions!

    Oct 29, 2014, 11:20 PM EDT

    Madison Bumgarner Getty Images

    Madison Bumgarner gets the win. And becomes a legend.

  12. Pablo Sandoval sets new postseason hits record

    Oct 29, 2014, 10:55 PM EDT

    pablo sandoval getty giants Getty Images

    Giants ace Madison Bumgarner broke Curt Schilling’s postseason innings record in the bottom of the fifth inning. And now Alex Pavlovic of the San Jose Mercury News shares this nugget …

  13. Madison Bumgarner breaks postseason innings record

    Oct 29, 2014, 10:19 PM EDT

    madison bumgarner getty Getty Images

    Giants ace Madison Bumgarner entered Game 7 of the World Series in the bottom of the fifth inning. He allowed a single to the first batter but got out of that threat and set a new MLB record in the process …

  14. Photo: Joe Panik’s impressive dive and flip

    Oct 29, 2014, 10:01 PM EDT

    joe panik getty AP

    Here’s a cool photo from the Associated Press of the well-executed flip from Giants second baseman Joe Panik that started a huge doubleplay in the bottom of the third inning of World Series Game 7 …

  15. Salvador Perez drilled by pitch, but stays in Game 7

    Oct 29, 2014, 9:06 PM EDT

    salvador perez royals getty Getty Images

    Royals catcher Salvador Perez was plunked in the left leg — just above his knee — in the bottom of the second inning by Giants starter Tim Hudson and took a long time to make it back to his feet and then down to first base. But he’s back out there behind the plate for the top of the third inning.

  16. More fun signs at Kauffman Stadium

    Oct 29, 2014, 8:25 PM EDT

    Camera

    This one is about pregnant women.

  17. Colin Kaepernick: “I’m saying the Giants are coming out”

    Oct 29, 2014, 8:05 PM EDT

    kaepernick giants

    San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick talked Game 7 of the World Series on Wednesday afternoon …

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. M. Morse (2181)
  2. H. Pence (2118)
  3. Y. Cespedes (2066)
  4. M. Moustakas (1948)
  5. E. Hosmer (1895)