Skip to content

Yankees Hot Tub Time Machine

Dec 18, 2013, 1:18 PM EDT

hot tub time machine

It just gets better and better with the New York Yankees. They just signed Brian Roberts.

I wrote before (in my Ichiro Suzuki essay for the 100 greatest players) that this Yankees team would look awfully good … in 2006. But by essentially replacing Robinson Cano with Brian Roberts, they have — in a weird way — gotten even older. Roberts best year was probably 2005, which you will note is actually BEFORE 2006.

Here is the Yankees starting lineup … and what was probably each player’s best season:

C: Brian McCann (2006 with Atlanta): .333/.388/.572, 24 homers, 93 RBis.

1B: Mark Teixeira (2005 with Texas): .301/.379/.575, 43 homers, 144 RBIs, 112 runs, Gold Glove.

2B: Brian Roberts (2006 with Baltimore): .314/.387/.515, 45 doubles, 18 homers, 27 steals, 92 runs.

SS: Derek Jeter (1999 with Yankees): .349/.438/.552 with 24 homers, 102 RBIs, 134 runs, 219 hits.

3B: Alex Rodriguez: (2007 with Yankees): .314/.422/.645, 54 homers, 156 RBIs, 143 runs, 24 steals.

LF: Alfonso Soriano (2002 with Yankees): .300/.332/.547, 39 homers, 41 steals, 102 RBIs, 128 runs.

CF: Jacoby Ellsbury (2011 with Boston): .321/.376/.552, 32 homers, 105 RBis, 119 runs, 39 steals, Gold Glove.

RF: Ichiro Suzuki (2004 with Seattle): .372/.414/.455 with 262 hits, 101 runs, 36 steals, Gold Glove.

DH: Carlos Beltran 2006 with Mets): : ..275/.388/.594, 41 homers, 116 RBIs, 127 runs 18 steals, Gold Glove.

In case you’re wondering, that averages out to the year 2005. This team would have peaked in 2005, even if Ellsbury was playing for Lowell of the New York Penn League at the time.

And, don’t forget, this team still has Vernon Wells (best year probably 2003 — .317 with league leading 49 doubles, 215 hits and 373 total bases) and Brett Gardner (best year a more recent 2010 — .383 OBP, 97 runs).

Oh, if only the Yankees had a Hot Tub Time Machine — or the phone booth from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure — they could put together one of the greatest teams in baseball history. Heck, let’s say it, if they could have all nine of those players, in their prime, that would be the greatest team ever. You have (by performance) three SURE Hall of Famers (A-Rod, Jeter, Ichiro), a possible Hall of Famer (Beltran) and four All-Star superstars.

Instead, Tex is old and played just 15 games last year, Jeter is old and played in 17 games, A-Rod is old and with a pending suspension that would last more than a year, Ichiro is old and has not even managed a .300 average since 2010, Roberts is old and is hitting .231/.289/.344 the last three seasons. Soriano and Beltran are old too, though they still had something left last year. Even McCann and Ellsbury, who are like One Direction compared to this gang of Rolling Stones, will be 30 on Opening Day.

Michael Schur and I argue about the Yankees all the time. I believe this team is about to become an all-time fiasco … something that has been building for a few years now with these gigantic and back-loaded contracts that, sooner or later, come due. I look at this creaky team — and the fact the Yankees had to pay a huge luxury tax just to put it together — and see doom.

He does not. He believes that there is some sort of evil empire nectar that they give players when they arrive so that as bad as the Yankees may LOOK to outsiders, they will always find a way to win. Always. Ichiro will suddenly hit .350 again. Roberts will become a .300 hitter, Tex will win the Triple Crown. Whatever miracles have to happen, Michael believes, will happen. He has his points. Even last year, when just about every single thing that could go wrong for the Yankees did, the Yankees still won 85 games and were mild postseason contenders into September.

I guess we’ll find out. I don’t know, to me this team looks like one of those Steinbrenner specials when the aging corpses of Jesse Barfield and Claudell Washington and Jose Cruz and Steve Kemp and Mike Easler and Steve Sax and Andy Hawkins and Scott Sanderson and Pascual Perez were clanging around. But, hey, you know, some of those teams did win a bit. And when you put together a team of players who were, at least at one time, great players …

… you can’t tell me the Yankees aren’t looking into buying one of those hot tubs on Ebay.

Latest Posts
  1. Rockies place Wilin Rosario on the disabled list

    Aug 27, 2014, 6:24 PM EDT

    wilin rosario getty Getty Images

    Rockies catcher Wilin Rosario continues to battle with inflammation in his left wrist and was officially placed on the 15-day disabled list Wednesday evening.

  2. Adam Wainwright has a “dead arm”

    Aug 27, 2014, 4:30 PM EDT

    Wainwright

    Which, despite the name of it, usually isn’t as serious as a lot of other stuff that can afflict pitchers.

  3. Yankees sign Mets castoff Chris Young

    Aug 27, 2014, 4:16 PM EDT

    chris young getty Getty Images

    Young signed a one-year, $7.25 million deal with the Mets this offseason in the hopes of building back his value before hitting the free agent market again, but instead he hit just .205 with eight homers and a .630 OPS in 88 games.

  4. Royals demote Aaron Crow to Double-A

    Aug 27, 2014, 3:45 PM EDT

    Aaron Crow AP

    Crow was an All-Star in 2011 and has a 3.35 ERA in 226 career innings through age 26, including a 3.86 ERA in 59 appearances this season.

  5. David Ortiz is back in the Red Sox’s lineup

    Aug 27, 2014, 3:18 PM EDT

    David Ortiz AP

    In the 10 games prior to the injury Ortiz hit .515 with four homers, three doubles, and a 1.606 OPS while the Red Sox went 2-8.

  6. Jury awards Jose Offerman’s bat attack victim $940,000

    Aug 27, 2014, 3:05 PM EDT

    Jose Offerman AP AP

    Offerman ended a man’s career by hitting him with a bat. Now he has to pay for it.

  7. Yonder Alonso needs surgery to “re-attach a ruptured tendon to the bone”

    Aug 27, 2014, 2:21 PM EDT

    yonder alonso getty Getty Images

    Alonso is arbitration eligible for the first time this offseason coming off a career-worst season in which he hit just .240 with seven homers and a .682 OPS in 84 games.

  8. Great Moments in Drug Testing and Punishment: The NFL Edition

    Aug 27, 2014, 1:30 PM EDT

    marijuana

    The league that has no HGH testing and never gets criticized for its drug policies, has suspended a guy for a year for using a substance that is legal in two of the 22 states in which the NFL operates.

  9. Mark Appel had the best start of his pro career last night

    Aug 27, 2014, 1:13 PM EDT

    Mark Appel AP AP

    Astros prospect Mark Appel was terrible at Single-A and then there was a weird quasi-controversy about him throwing a bullpen session in Houston, but now the former No. 1 overall pick is thriving at Double-A.

  10. HBT Daily: Alex Gordon and the Royals keep on rolling

    Aug 27, 2014, 1:00 PM EDT

    HBT Daily Logo

    Alex Gordon and the Royals fly under the radar, but here they are, on top of the AL Central.

  11. Tony Cingrani unlikely to pitch for Reds again this season

    Aug 27, 2014, 12:16 PM EDT

    Tony Cingrani Tony Cingrani

    Cingrani has been on the Triple-A disabled list since late June with a strained shoulder and recently had to halt the start of a throwing program due to continued discomfort.

  12. Diamondbacks expect Patrick Corbin to be out until June of next season

    Aug 27, 2014, 11:50 AM EDT

    Patrick Corbin AP

    “He’d probably punch me if heard me saying that but you’re really going to take your time and make sure he’s ready to go.”

  13. Mike Napoli followed Manny Ramirez’s footsteps by going fifth deck in Toronto

    Aug 27, 2014, 11:19 AM EDT

    Mike Napoli Getty Getty Images

    Napoli became just the eighth visiting player to hit a homer into the fifth deck at Rogers Centre in the ballpark’s 26-year history.

  14. We are in the Golden Age of Awful Ceremonial First Pitches

    Aug 27, 2014, 11:03 AM EDT

    Screen Shot 2014-08-27 at 10.52.11 AM

    Another doozy was uncorked in Houston last night.

  15. Marlins’ 0.48 ERA reliever Bryan Morris has a hip injury

    Aug 27, 2014, 10:47 AM EDT

    Bryan Morris Marlins Getty Images

    Right-hander Bryan Morris has been ridiculously good for the Marlins since they acquired him from the Pirates for a draft pick in June, posting a 0.48 ERA in 38 innings. But now he’s hurt.

  16. Andrew McCutchen expects to play today

    Aug 27, 2014, 10:30 AM EDT

    andrew mccutchen getty Getty Images

    The Pirates need McCutchen more than any playoff contender needs any single player.

  17. Angels may pursue Trevor Cahill as Bartolo Colon alternative

    Aug 27, 2014, 10:15 AM EDT

    Trevor Cahill Getty Getty Images

    With an $11 million salary for next season Mets right-hander Bartolo Colon is apparently out of the Angels’ price range as they try to upgrade the injury wrecked rotation, but Diamondbacks right-hander Trevor Cahill could be an option.

  18. Daniel Hudson pitched last night. He may be pitching in the big leagues again soon

    Aug 27, 2014, 9:46 AM EDT

    Colorado Rockies v Arizona Diamondbacks Getty Images

    A guy who has been snakebitten is on his way back to the Snakes.

  19. Madison Bumgarner gets everything but “Buster Hug” in dominant win

    Aug 27, 2014, 9:45 AM EDT

    Madison Bumgarner Getty Getty Images

    “That game was probably more impressive than a lot of no-hitters.”

Featured video

Alex Gordon, MVP candidate
Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. R. Castillo (4873)
  2. D. Ortiz (2877)
  3. Y. Molina (2502)
  4. M. Cuddyer (2294)
  5. J. Soler (2168)
  1. Y. Darvish (2106)
  2. M. Machado (2018)
  3. J. Baez (2013)
  4. J. Benoit (1980)
  5. R. Cano (1958)