Jan 21, 2014, 3:46 PM EST
When the Cylons come and wipe out our civilization whatever survivors are left will weep for lost humanity and try hard to carry on. But they’ll also know that we had it coming. Oh boy, did we have it coming.
I mean, what sort of claim to a right of existence do we have as a species when we allow democracy to be perverted in order to elect a “Governor of Brohio.” What, exactly, is the Governor of Brohio, you ask? Well, per the Cleveland Indians and Supreme Bro for Life, Nick Swisher, it’s the bro who does this:
The Brohio Governor is responsible for providing an exceptional experience for every fan that enters the Brohio section. This may include, but is not limited to welcoming bros, leading cheers, encouraging amazing awesomeness throughout the ballpark, and creating an enthusiastic and positive atmosphere for all Brohio nights.
MLB.com has the four finalists’ campaign videos. Here’s one of them:
We deserve whatever we get, people.
- So, apparently we’re sweating the Matt Kemp physical now 40
- The United States will seek to normalize relations with Cuba 106
- Marlins complete Michael Morse deal: two years, $16 million 18
- Padres, Rays, Mariners discussing trade involving Wil Myers 36
- It is perfectly clear that A-Rod is the Yankees’ DH. At best. So there will be no drama, right? 37
- Dodgers cut Brian Wilson and his $9.5 million salary 53
- Royals and Alex Rios agree to one-year, $11 million contract 16
- Chase Headley signs a four-year deal with the Yankees worth at least $52 million. 95
- Baseball’s highest-ranking Hispanic woman employee sues for discrimination (163)
- Cubs, Red Sox, Dodgers, Padres, Rangers, and Astros interested in Phillies’ Cole Hamels (110)
- The United States will seek to normalize relations with Cuba (107)
- Done Deal: Yoenis Cespedes and two players traded to Detroit for Rick Porcello and a minor leaguer (105)
- Jon Lester goes to Cubs for $155 million over six years (99)