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Meet your candidates for Governor of Brohio

Jan 21, 2014, 3:46 PM EDT

swisher getty Getty Images

When the Cylons come and wipe out our civilization whatever survivors are left will weep for lost humanity and try hard to carry on. But they’ll also know that we had it coming. Oh boy, did we have it coming.

I mean, what sort of claim to a right of existence do we have as a species when we allow democracy to be perverted in order to elect a “Governor of Brohio.” What, exactly, is the Governor of Brohio, you ask? Well, per the Cleveland Indians and Supreme Bro for Life, Nick Swisher, it’s the bro who does this:

The Brohio Governor is responsible for providing an exceptional experience for every fan that enters the Brohio section. This may include, but is not limited to welcoming bros, leading cheers, encouraging amazing awesomeness throughout the ballpark, and creating an enthusiastic and positive atmosphere for all Brohio nights.

Well then. has the four finalists’ campaign videos. Here’s one of them:

We deserve whatever we get, people.

  1. asimonetti88 - Jan 21, 2014 at 4:03 PM

    Broettes? Everyone knows the proper term is Bro Ho.

    • historiophiliac - Jan 21, 2014 at 4:24 PM

      -ettes is Frenchie and sexist. Can’t we be Bromazons? It’s more worthy of our broginas. I’m not anti-Ho though.

      • Reflex - Jan 21, 2014 at 5:29 PM

        I’m in favor of both Bromazons and Broginas.

      • themanytoolsofignorance - Jan 22, 2014 at 6:57 AM

        I just want to know what the hell is going on in this blog. This author refuses to be consistently serious, cites Cylons, seems to have it in for each team on a post by post basis (if the commenter criticisms are to be believed), and has a child he’s purportedly named “Mookie” (at least tell me “Mookie” is a boy. If that’s a girl he’s so cursed, he deserves to be whipped with barbwire).

        “Governor of Brohio”? Do we care what happens in Ohio? Does anyone care? SHOULD anyone care? Let them have their Bros. They have nothing else.

        ps: I toss my hat in the corner of the “Bromazons”.

      • Reflex - Jan 23, 2014 at 1:25 AM

        Mookie is his daughter. And he does it to torment her. As all good fathers are obligated to do.

        And he’s just having fun with everyone, and I think its great. 😉

  2. proudlycanadian - Jan 21, 2014 at 4:12 PM


  3. El Bravo - Jan 21, 2014 at 4:22 PM

    …and people still ask me why I hate Nick f@cking Swisher.

    • bigharold - Jan 21, 2014 at 9:43 PM

      You’re only allowed to hate Swisher if you take him seriously.

      Besides, .. he’s Swishlicious!!

  4. pisano - Jan 21, 2014 at 5:27 PM

    El Bravo…. I don’t hate him, but I was happy as hell the Yankees let him walk. The guy was just too much of a clown, and his numbers were dropping every year.

    • Reflex - Jan 21, 2014 at 5:34 PM

      Interestingly enough, Nick Swisher’s WAR with the Yanks by year –

      2009: 2.0
      2010: 3.8
      2011: 1.8
      2012: 3.9

      And in his first season in Cleveland –

      2013: 3.8

      Hate to bust the narrative or anything, but he was pretty damn good as a Yank, and had no sign of any drop off. And was just as valuable as the Indians. Given how last season went, the Yanks undoubtedly would have been better with Swisher in the lineup.

      • historiophiliac - Jan 21, 2014 at 5:41 PM

        Okay, is it illegal to say “interpretation” instead of “narrative” now? 😦

  5. tfbuckfutter - Jan 21, 2014 at 5:33 PM

    Things like this are funny when it’s being done ironically to mock.

    It’s not funny when it’s not done ironically. It’s actually sad.

    I think this is the latter.

    • historiophiliac - Jan 21, 2014 at 5:57 PM

      But, I want *you* to mock it.

      • tfbuckfutter - Jan 21, 2014 at 6:07 PM

        Delmon Young was elected mayor of Brahio.

        Because he has bosoms, ya see.

      • historiophiliac - Jan 21, 2014 at 6:08 PM


  6. paperlions - Jan 21, 2014 at 5:57 PM

  7. moogro - Jan 21, 2014 at 6:26 PM

    The road from Cleveland leads straight to Passages Malibu.

  8. shadowcell - Jan 21, 2014 at 6:58 PM

    this is why Cleveland sports is an endless exercise in pain and suffering

    • jwbiii - Jan 21, 2014 at 7:23 PM

      What if you left out the word “sports”?

  9. janessa31888 - Jan 21, 2014 at 7:21 PM

    Am I the only person who actually likes him? This team was so boring before he arrived. I really like his energy and enthusiasm. Go Nick!

  10. shanabartels - Jan 21, 2014 at 9:22 PM

    So basically, Swish is sad that there isn’t a Cleveland equivalent of Bald Vinny? Sorry dude. There’s only one Bald Vinny. You can’t replicate the Creatures.

  11. Old Gator - Jan 21, 2014 at 11:46 PM

    The Cylons got nothing on the pod people, bro. I just have a thing for snow pea pods, you know?

  12. johnmdempsey - Jan 22, 2014 at 10:43 AM

    Anyone else just happy to see a Battlestar Galactica shout out? Haha. Nice reference.

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