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Robert Pollard of Guided by Voices threw a no-hitter in college? OK.

Jan 29, 2014, 1:02 PM EST

The second straight day of my kids being home from school because of dangerous wind chills has me getting fairly loopy. Especially given that there’s not a ton of baseball news happening.

So I’ve been diving into Wikipedia, watching old episodes of “You Can’t Do That on Television,” listening to Atlanta Rhythm Section records and generally entering that zone where sociologists might be able to identify hermits and hoarders and other similarly afflicted people. Also: my annual depressive urge to completely drop out of society, get in my car and drive someplace where I can’t be found by anyone has hit earlier than usual. Just a weird week.

Among the positives, however, I learned that the United States Army once had a general named Charles Bonesteel who wore an eyepatch. How did I get to 40 without knowing this? How did this man not either overthrow the government with a crack squad of evil commandos or die trying? His name was GENERAL BONESTEEL AND HE WORE AN EYEPATCH for cryin’ out loud.

Something else I learned and, frankly, do not know how I hadn’t heard it before given the sorts of people I talk to on the Internet: Guided by Voices leader Robert Pollard was an excellent college pitcher for Wright State University at one time. And he threw a no-hitter. This started making the rounds among my Internet friends this morning and it’s fantastic:

source:

And here I thought “Hold on Hope” was the most beautiful thing he did.

(h/t to, like, 10 people who put this on my Facebook page today)

  1. tfbuckfutter - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:12 PM

    Hold on. Wait just one damn second.

    Where do you go to watch You Can’t Do That on Television?

    (And I swear to God if you say “I don’t know” I will track you down and dump slime on you).

    • Craig Calcaterra - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:14 PM

      You Tube. Bunches and bunches of whole episodes.

      • tfbuckfutter - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:16 PM

        Hells yeah.

        There goes my afternoon.

      • tfbuckfutter - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:17 PM

        Hah.

        My wife is going to be pissed because this is just going to end up with me wanting to watch Degrassi Junior High…

      • xdj511 - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:57 PM

        Blue skies… barfburgers… girls!

  2. Simon M. - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:16 PM

    And here I thought Michael Ironside had the manliest name around

  3. number42is1 - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:25 PM

    can we geat another op-ed from one of your kids?

  4. thewrongalex - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:37 PM

    Charles Bonesteel is a pretty good name, but that no-hitter almost was broken up by some dude named Rusty Goodpaster.

  5. anxovies - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:39 PM

    Little known facts: Pollard later played a gig as Ronald McDonald and later served as Carrot Top’s fashion consultant.

  6. plmathfoto - Jan 29, 2014 at 2:41 PM

    I kinda glanced at the title here, and thought it was the idiot who killed someone the other day because of the Tigers broadcast according to him

  7. sdelmonte - Jan 29, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    Wonder if Bonesteel and Moshe Dayan ever compared notes?

  8. themanytoolsofignorance - Jan 29, 2014 at 3:09 PM

    Love me some Guided by Voices.

    The Bonesteels: fantasy team name runner up behind “The Sweet Nips”.

  9. demetre22 - Jan 29, 2014 at 4:35 PM

    Dear Craig. I have voraciously read you for years. However this is the first time i have registered/posted to simply state:

    This your best blog post EVER!!!

    GBV no hitters, YCDTOTV and Eyepatch wearing warmongers. In-cred-ible.

  10. bigdicktater - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:31 PM

    The reference to ARS caught my eye. Great bunch of guys, excellent musicians and songwriters (along with their manager, Buddy Buie). Wish they had enough hits to be in the Rock Hall of Fame.

    • sportfandc - Jan 30, 2014 at 12:21 PM

      They were an excellent live band! Berry Bailey was a great guitar player, and they had that really large bassist with the big sound. The singer had a tendency to get trashed (based on the couple times I saw them), but really really good band.

  11. Lynn Pounian - Jan 30, 2014 at 11:59 AM

    What’s even more astonishing, it only took him two minutes.

  12. sdiegosteel - Jan 30, 2014 at 2:35 PM

    I think I do remember that about Pollard, although it was basketball skills that always got talked up more. But, come on, “Hold on Hope”? Go to “Weed King”, “Exit Flagger”, “My Valuable Hunting Knife”, etc, etc!

    And, really, if you’re putting that in the same post with an eyepatch guy, you should be talking about Craig Finn, not Bob Pollard!

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