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Chipper Jones is a freakin’ superhero

Jan 29, 2014, 7:44 AM EDT

Washington Nationals v Atlanta Braves Getty Images

Not many retired ballplayers live life as fully as Chipper Jones does. When he’s not delving into the JFK assassination, when he’s not solving pressing national problems with alligators, when he’s not getting into dustups with former teammates, when he’s not doing battle with the haters and when he’s not setting the woods on fire, he’s out doing search and rescue operations.

As most of you have seen by now, Atlanta has been paralyzed by an unusually harsh winter storm. Some may laugh at what three inches of snow has done to the highways there, but the fact is Atlanta and other southern cities have zero in the way of snow-removal equipment and most people there have little or no experience driving in winter weather. Combine that with some questionable bureaucratic decisions such as not closing schools and not declaring some form of snow emergency which would keep unnecessary vehicles off the roads, and the nightmare they’re currently experiencing is understandable.

Enter Braves first baseman Freddie Freeman, who found himself stuck in that mess yesterday. He began tweeting about it:

Then enter Chipper Jones’ girlfriend:

Then Chipper Jones himself, basically being Batman:

Freeman got off the four-wheeler, brushed off the snow and then turned around to thank Chipper. But, of course, he was gone. Off to his next adventure. Or at least we hope.

  1. proudlycanadian - Jan 29, 2014 at 7:51 AM

    Larry seems to be freaking bored in retirement. He needs a job or a hobby.

    • stex52 - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:22 AM

      Just reading his Tweets may keep me on the job for five more years.

      • historiophiliac - Jan 29, 2014 at 9:17 AM

        Yes. When he retired I wondered what I would do with out Larry around to hate anymore, but unlike old generals, he does not fade away.

  2. chacochicken - Jan 29, 2014 at 7:55 AM

    Judging by the photos, stately Wayne manor isn’t exactly as I imagined. Also, did Freddie just abandon his car?

    • themanytoolsofignorance - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:05 AM

      I wondered the same thing, then I had a look at what Freeman makes/year. $4-5 million. Chances are Freddie has another car.

      • chacochicken - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:09 AM


    • Craig Calcaterra - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:11 AM

      He was in a parking lot.

    • kevinbnyc - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:15 PM

      He’s banking on a big-money contract from the Yankees in like…7 years.

  3. themanytoolsofignorance - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:01 AM

    His GF is named “lilgeorgiapeach” in twitterland? Golly gosh. That is . . . so . . . something.

    Well, since Jones is rescuing current Braves players maybe they will think twice about un-inviting him to throw out a playoff game pitch? They are lucky Mr. Jones doesn’t hold a grudge.

    • anotheryx - Jan 29, 2014 at 9:46 AM

      If you ever lived in Georgia, it would make sense to you. I lived at corner of Peachtree Street, West Peechtree Street and Peachtree Avenue for 2 years.

      • themanytoolsofignorance - Jan 29, 2014 at 12:19 PM

        Duly noted. However, that you have neglected to name yourself “anotherpeach” kind of speaks to my point. I think unless you are 5 years old you probably have to expect that selecting ‘lilgeorgiapeach’ for a public name means that no one is going to take you seriously.

        Good for her anyways. She doesn’t take herself too seriously. I think I like this girl.

  4. greymares - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:06 AM

    I prefer arsonist or at the very least moron. my 5 yr old grandson would be smart enough to not put hot ashes in the woods.

    • ptfu - Jan 29, 2014 at 9:42 AM

      Yeah, if he’s a superhero then he’s the Human Torch.

  5. frankyvito - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:15 AM

    Yeah. Where was Freeman to rescue Larry when Homer the Brave was catching his first pitch?

  6. sdelmonte - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:18 AM

    Freddie Freeman should be able to rescue himself!

    • chacochicken - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:21 AM

      I feel like Captain Marvel could hit at least 30 home runs.

  7. atribecalledquestec - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:19 AM

    Biff Pocoroba is stuck in traffic on Peachtree. Go get him, Chipper!

  8. jm91rs - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:49 AM

    It’s not a laughing matter because lives were in danger, but the way the city, motorists, and schools handled 2-3 inches of snow embarrassing. If you can’t handle 2-3 inches of snow, and you know it’s coming (even if it shows up later than expected), you need to close things down. How in the world do kids get stuck at school?

    • rpearlston - Jan 29, 2014 at 1:51 PM

      They get stuck at school because the schools weren’t ordered closed when the storm was on it’s way. And it didn’t help that parents and other caregivers were having trouble getting to schools to pick up the kids. (It’s not unusual for schools to insist that, in particular, younger students are always picked up by someone known to the kid and the school.)

      • jm91rs - Jan 29, 2014 at 2:01 PM

        I understand why the kids weren’t able to go home, I don’t understand why they were there at all. They either should have had the day off or had the buses running the second the snow started falling. It’s pretty well known that a small amount of snow will absolutely shut down many southern cities, and they knew the snow was coming.

  9. big64d - Jan 29, 2014 at 9:10 AM

    Larry Wayne saving the best glove at first base from frost bite!!! I think the only way FF5 can thank Chipper is to get him the skipper job and get Fredi out of the dugout!

  10. number42is1 - Jan 29, 2014 at 9:23 AM

    This one is for craig

  11. historiophiliac - Jan 29, 2014 at 9:23 AM

    Craig, there’s a typo in the headline again. The “h” should be a “z.”

    The most horrifying part of this post is not that Craig defiled the Batman image by equating Lame-o Larry to Bruce Wayne (yawn) — it’s that Larry has a girlfriend (and she is apparently real — although I won’t rule out a fake Twitter account just yet). How has he not been catfished noodled yet?

  12. Francisco (FC) - Jan 29, 2014 at 10:55 AM

    Good Work Chipper, now please head north and stop Mr. Freeze. He’s been terrorizing us for almost 3 weeks now!

  13. thomas844 - Jan 29, 2014 at 11:05 AM

    Chipper Jones is the third baseman Atlanta deserves, but he’s not the one it needs right now.

  14. Jonny 5 - Jan 29, 2014 at 7:26 PM

    I was shocked at the highways down there being impassable. Then I was even more shocked that 3″ or less of snow fell and it was road chaos blocking everything, not snow drifts. Up north here we barely slow down for that much snow. The poor saps.

  15. weaselpuppy - Jan 29, 2014 at 7:45 PM

    The snow is up to my waist on my balcony. We’ve had 80 inches so far, 6 more coming this weekend. The snow drifts from the plows are 8-14 feet high on the sides of the roads here. We still go out and play football in this stuff. It’s fun.

    Southerners are Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man soft.

    Chipper is one pretty interesting dude though. Larry Jones is his Clark Kent-ian moniker…Super-Hick is the powerful alter ego.

    • jimeejohnson - Jan 29, 2014 at 8:13 PM

      Are you lying?

    • skids003 - Jan 30, 2014 at 7:31 AM

      Come visit in July weasel and see how tough you are. Besides, I’ve never heard of anyone retiring to the North, have you.

    • respectfortampabay - Jan 30, 2014 at 7:32 AM

      Numbnuts – consider that if you’ve never lived in an area where snow could be a driving issue, no matter how minor compared to where all the dumbasses live who continue to populate northern areas but also continue to whine about the extremes it provides every year, then realize that many of the southern population has NEVER had to drive in it at all and wouldn’t know a frozen overpass if they fell down on one. Do you remember your first beer? Local government failed in their responsibility to inform with early warnings despite experienced resources available to them, and the masses generally do what they’re told (unless you consider the Katrina aftermath, of course). Give the benefit of the doubt there, Grizzly Adams. We all have our areas of expertise – which is what used to make this country great. If your a$$ had been out there stuck in the middle of a vehicle logjam and Chipper happened to be nearby, you’d have taken a ride from him in a heartbeat – even if you hated baseball.

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