Jan 29, 2014, 3:30 PM EST
People paying attention to the Super Bowl when there’s big news like this from baseball:
Source: Descalso, #STLCards settle at midpoint, $1.29M. Deal also includes performance bonuses.
— Ken Rosenthal (@Ken_Rosenthal) January 29, 2014
Descalso requested $1.65 million and the Cards offered $930,000.
There. I’ve sunk to a “utility infielder avoids arbitration” post. Are you happy, world? The offseason has officially hit its nadir.
Now: back to working on my action movie script in which Chipper Jones saves America after the evil General Bonesteel tries to kidnap the president. I think I’ll call it “Chipper Jones: Bonesteel.” I don’t have the plot worked out completely yet, but his secret weapon is his Yicketty Stick on which he goes Mammo on his enemies. And when he needs to get out of a tight spot fast, he summons his helicopter by barking “Chopper to Chipper!” into a two-way radio.
I figure it’ll make, like, a billion dollars once you figure in international box office.
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