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The Cardinals and Daniel Descalso avoid arbitration with a one-year deal

Jan 29, 2014, 3:30 PM EDT

People paying attention to the Super Bowl when there’s big news like this from baseball:


Descalso requested $1.65 million and the Cards offered $930,000.

There. I’ve sunk to a “utility infielder avoids arbitration” post. Are you happy, world? The offseason has officially hit its nadir.

Now: back to working on my action movie script in which Chipper Jones saves America after the evil General Bonesteel tries to kidnap the president. I think I’ll call it “Chipper Jones: Bonesteel.” I don’t have the plot worked out completely yet, but his secret weapon is his Yicketty Stick on which he goes Mammo on his enemies. And when he needs to get out of a tight spot fast, he summons his helicopter by barking “Chopper to Chipper!” into a two-way radio.

I figure it’ll make, like, a billion dollars once you figure in international box office.

  1. spudchukar - Jan 29, 2014 at 3:36 PM

    I’d go with “I’m going to go basety-basety-Baseball on your forehead”.

  2. jtorrey13 - Jan 29, 2014 at 4:12 PM

    Oh, and he tried to go to the Atlanta Braves to help him infiltrate the White House, but they refuse because of what happened in Afghanistan. Leads to a great flashback scene. So, instead, Chipper has to gather the League of Third Basemen. Bomb expert Michael Jack. Top shield, protective vest and smoke grenade specialist Scotty Rolen. The man that knows laser weapons and current soldier Adrian Beltre.

    Rock on script writer. Rock on.

  3. spudchukar - Jan 29, 2014 at 4:23 PM

    PL, all is right in the world. Birds sing, the sun shines, and a breeze echoes beautiful harmonies.

    • paperlions - Jan 29, 2014 at 7:42 PM

      My hopes and dreams were dashed when he was offered arbitration…but it is nice to root for a team whose major fan concerns are: 1) who is the last guy on the bench, 2) what will they do with the potential log jam at RF/1B if Taveras is ready, 3) what are they going to do with all of the viable quality starting pitching options, and 4) will their manager give their young 2B enough ABs to adapt to MLB pitching if he struggles out of the gate?

      • spudchukar - Jan 29, 2014 at 10:20 PM

        I try not to gloat, but since it is between fellow ardent fans, it is comforting to know that the Cards “dilemmas” are about which utility guy will occupy the 25 man roster, and which of 7 guys will make the starting 5 in the rotation.

        I still say go with a 6 man rotation.

      • paperlions - Jan 30, 2014 at 7:37 AM

        Yeah, we would be insufferable if the Cards won the WS last year. Silver lining, I guess.

        I would LOVE to see Carlos in the rotation, love to watch him pitch, love the competitive spirit, the aggressiveness, the fire, and the stuff….but it probably isn’t realistic to expect that this year.

        Garcia is kind of the forgotten man because of injuries, but in a recent survey of Cardinal pitchers about who had the best stuff, Garcia was the unanimous choice….would be great if he could put it all together and stay healthy.

      • stlouis1baseball - Jan 30, 2014 at 2:46 PM

        Come out of the closet Paper. Everyone knows Double D is your favorite Cardinal.
        Come on…admit it. You breathed a sigh of relief when you realized they signed him.

      • paperlions - Jan 30, 2014 at 5:12 PM

        Sadly, if I was to list my favorite 50 Cardinal players, including minor leaguers, DD wouldn’t even sniff that list.

  4. shanabartels - Jan 29, 2014 at 7:54 PM

    Don’t you mean “Chipper to Chopper”?


  5. thenameisbootsy - Jan 30, 2014 at 8:57 AM

    Yes, that must have been a very difficult post for you to write, Craig. And about a Cardinals player, no less.

    Now let’s get back to more appropriate content for a baseball blog … like, say, the non-baseball opinions of your pre-teen daughter.

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