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Congrats to the Marlins for being able to grow beards

Feb 18, 2014, 10:15 AM EDT

Ricky Nolasco AP

Huge news from Marlins camp, where manager Mike Redmond announced that players are now allowed to grow beards as long as they keep them nice and neat:

This year, we’re going to let them have beards, but they have to keep it trimmed up. And the hair, too. We just don’t want it to be sloppy, I guess. You can have a beard now. We’re just always adjusting.

Joe Frisaro of notes that, before being traded to the Dodgers last season, Ricky Nolasco stretched the Marlins’ facial hair rules by “sport[ing] a mild beard on occasion.”

“Mild beard.”

Gonna be a wild year in Miami.

(Note: Thankfully the NBC facial hair policy is non-existent, because I have a lot of ugly face to hide.)

  1. jm91rs - Feb 18, 2014 at 10:23 AM

    The Red Sox beards have apparently made all teams re-think their policies.

    • proudlycanadian - Feb 18, 2014 at 10:49 AM

      Other than the Yankees, I presume.

  2. Jeremy T - Feb 18, 2014 at 10:25 AM

    The real question: Is anyone on the Marlins old enough to grow a beard?

    • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:11 AM

      I think it’s unfortunate that, in this day and age, we are still making fun of anthropoid neoteny. Especially since we stopped ridiculing axolotls a generation ago. One day, it’s going to be politically incorrect to make fun of it altogether.

      Then Craig will emerge from his basement, squint painfully, see his shadow, and run back downstairs. And we’ll have six more weeks of spring training.

      • banksatdixie - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:24 AM

        Yawn. Tired act.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:32 AM

        I want to complement you on your industriousness in uncorking a brand new alternate handle just to post one inane comment. I guess this is the sort of thing that happens when a moron gets snowed in.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:35 AM


        Edit function!
        Edit function!

      • themuddychicken - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:39 AM

        Ugh, I’m sick of it already, six more weeks of spring training would be terrible.

        *checks calendar*


      • Jeremy T - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:40 AM

        To be fair, this one does seem more unintelligible than usual, Gator.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:50 AM

        Then whatever you do, don’t try to read Finnegan’s Wake.

        It’s been a quiet orfseason. I’m just warming up what with the prospect of real games upon which to extrapolate within a few more weeks. The post in question, despite its intertextual and metaphorical consistency, is merely peetchers and catchers reporting.

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:55 AM

        Tired act indeed.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 12:07 PM

        Who else but our abjectly cretinous sewerbore would set up a fake handle just to have another poster to agree with himself? We’re really pushing the envelope of desperation here, little feller.

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 12:25 PM

        Old Felchy – um ok….I guess for some reason you baselessly think I’ve created another name to comment under. Yeah, and you are also Cur, Histrio, Halladaysbicepts, etc.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 12:48 PM

        Sorry sewerbear, that’s lame and it won’t fool anyone. After weeks of thumbing yourself up immediately upon posting and making yourself look stupid and trivial just for that, this is just your idea of “taking it to the next level.” You leave too many fingerprints – not the least of which are phrasing things the same way all the time, appearing within a couple of minutes of posting under your alternate handle, this time under your usual handle, and the appearance of a few consistently placed down-thumbs simultaneously with your signature aggregation of juvenile japes and wheezes in between. I would encourage you to try to be less obvious, but I know my blandishments would fall on deaf, not to mention uncomprehending, ears.

      • Jeremy T - Feb 18, 2014 at 12:58 PM

        Woah woah woah, back up. Did you really just put bicepts in that list?

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 1:00 PM

        Old Racist – wow, you must be obsessed with me to be erroneously sleuthing me to such a degree – or should I call you Cur? Dude, really how is someone posting one comment proof that I created another account? When have I ever used the word “Yawn” or “Tired” in any of my comments? Again, you can’t stop talking about the thumbs up and down. Yet you insist you don’t pay attention to them.

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 1:02 PM

        “Woah woah woah, back up. Did you really just put bicepts in that list?”

        Hey, no one’s above suspicion at this point if we’re going to go off baseless speculation.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 1:16 PM

        Jeremy – yeah, he did – another addition to his long list of imbecilities. You will also love the way he claims that I’m obsessed with him. In addition to his other apparent attributes – stupidity, vulgarity, immaturity and sententiousness, he also demonstrates the classic sociopath’s inability to view himself from an exterior perspective, and so continues to make a buffoon of himself at every opportunity.

      • cur'68 - Feb 18, 2014 at 1:49 PM

        Wait…what? You’re ME??? When did THAT happen? Last time I checked I still needed a thesaurus to read your posts. You’d think if you were me I’d be having an easier time of this.

        I did just submit my thesis for final review pending defence, though. 3 weeks before I have to turn up for that. Until then, no thesis for 3 glorious weeks. The sheer aimless joy I feel could be occluding my infundibulum.

        So, since I’m you Gator, how’s aboot them Feesh, eh?

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 1:57 PM

        Nicely done, Cur. I think we can all agree, that’s pretty funny.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 2:07 PM

        Yes, but probably with a little less unanimity than that with which we agree that you’re a worthless, gutter dwelling imbecile.

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 2:24 PM

        Thanks for the accompanying thumbs down Old Felcherito.

      • cur'68 - Feb 18, 2014 at 2:59 PM

        Oh, and I forgot to add, vivasshat, GFY

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 3:05 PM

        Felchee’68 – sorry buddy, didn’t mean to upset you so much. Don’t take it so hard.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 4:25 PM

        There’s a not very subtle difference between upsetting someone and nauseating them. You should learn it, just to help you get a handle on how you affect people.

      • Gamera the Brave - Feb 18, 2014 at 4:42 PM

        At the risk of make this thread less hostile – GatorCurHist’Cepts, is there NO salamander you won’t name-check in your posts?

      • Gamera the Brave - Feb 18, 2014 at 5:06 PM

        And, Cur, thanks for the new word, although I Vonnegut-ed it up, into Chronosynclastic infundibulum, which is where I think vivisectbear thinks he is…

    • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:28 PM

      Jeremy – it’s a little late and thread tectonics may have shoved this one out of your ring of attention, but I just noticed this quote tonite from the local NBC affiliate:

      “Despite the lifting of the ban, fans shouldn’t expect to see the Marlins all growing beards a la the Red Sox. That may come down to a lack of opportunity.

      “We’ve only got a handful of guys who can even grow a beard,” Redmond added.

      • Jeremy T - Feb 19, 2014 at 11:27 AM

        Well that answers that question

  3. chacochicken - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:00 AM

    I’m glad the Marlins were worried about that sort of thing. Make sure they are playing the game the right way.

  4. Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:13 AM

    I think this is a good sign – Scrooge McLoria is reaching out to the hirsute market, having failed to connect with just about all the rest of them.

    It may also mean that he’s given up fancying himself the ten-cent George Steinbrenner.

    • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:55 AM

      If this is the case, he must realize you support the Marlins – now he wants to cash in on your ex-wife.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 12:03 PM

        Hilarious, though as usual in your case, inadvertently so. He’s more than welcome to her – in fact, it would probably be the closest thing to justice that he would ever have to bear.

        Dear Buddha, are you really that stupid that you think you can get under someone’s skin by trashing their ex-wife? I mean, there’s haplessly uncomprehending and then there’s you.

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 12:23 PM

        Old Felchy – who said I was trying to get under your skin? There you go making assumptions again, classic prejudiced behavior.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 12:49 PM

        Dumb and dumberer. Do you have any idea of what an vulgar (as in gutter-level) lowlife you make of yourself here?

      • vivabear - Feb 18, 2014 at 12:55 PM

        Old Racist – hey them’s the breaks. You have no idea what you make yourself out to be on this board – quite sad actually. “an vulgar lowlife” – come on; a vs an – you’re better than that.

      • Old Gator - Feb 18, 2014 at 1:17 PM

        A typo is the best you can do? Well, as I wrote above, you’re pushing the envelope of desperation here. Keep it up.

  5. bluesoxbaseball - Feb 18, 2014 at 11:58 AM

    Facial hair is the new market inefficiency.

    • Jeremy T - Feb 18, 2014 at 5:16 PM

      Wrong Florida team

  6. Gamera the Brave - Feb 18, 2014 at 4:55 PM

    Okay, so last night I stroll into my bedroom (no, it’s not THAT kind of story), and my wife’s watching “The Bachelor”. As I am walking, the Bachelor Dude is bringing one of the contestants for his “heart” into his office – which turns out to be Marlins Stadium – wherein they have a picnic on the grass.

    All I could think of was, “I wonder what Loria’s cut was for this?”…

  7. bmoreballers - Feb 18, 2014 at 5:17 PM

    You guys have way too much time on your hands smh

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