Feb 19, 2014, 2:00 PM EDT
Yo dawg, I heard you liked to compensate, so we gave you a big giant truck with two levels of running boards and a big neon sign that says “I’m compensating for something” on the side. Except the sign is on back order and won’t be in until next week!
— Tampa Bay Rays (@RaysBaseball) February 19, 2014
I’m not reflexively anti-truck or SUV. They have their uses. People who have to haul things or drive through snow or rough terrain. People with big families. Heck, I understand even if it’s just a matter of you wanting to sit up high and feel like a big guy once in a while. It’s bad for gas, but there are way worse offenses against humanity than that. Live and let live.
But seriously, what kind of a person other than a total jackwagon drives a truck like this? The guy works in Florida, hauls a bag with a mitt in it at most and probably drives there by himself. Go get something more modest, Grant. Like an EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle.
- 2015 Preview: Chicago White Sox 10
- Did David Ortiz admit to more than he realized with his Players’ Tribune editorial? 61
- 2015 Preview: Atlanta Braves 12
- David Ortiz: “Nobody in MLB history has been tested for PEDs more than me” 111
- 2015 Preview: Chicago Cubs 14
- Unsigned 2014 No. 1 overall pick Brady Aiken undergoes Tommy John surgery 57
- 2015 Preview: Seattle Mariners 15
- Cardinals add “OT” patch for Oscar Taveras 76
- Ex-Cardinals outfielder Curt Ford was assaulted in St. Louis and told to “go back to Ferguson” (116)
- College baseball player cut after making offensive tweet about Mo’ne Davis (115)
- David Ortiz: “Nobody in MLB history has been tested for PEDs more than me” (111)
- Mo’ne Davis says college ballplayer who wrote an offensive tweet about her deserves a second chance (88)
- Rob Manfred says it would be hard to reinstate Pete Rose in a limited way (88)