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Grant Balfour’s truck is absolutely ridiculous

Feb 19, 2014, 2:00 PM EDT

Yo dawg, I heard you liked to compensate, so we gave you a big giant truck with two levels of running boards and a big neon sign that says “I’m compensating for something” on the side. Except the sign is on back order and won’t be in until next week!

 

I’m not reflexively anti-truck or SUV. They have their uses. People who have to haul things or drive through snow or rough terrain. People with big families. Heck, I understand even if it’s just a matter of you wanting to sit up high and feel like a big guy once in a while. It’s bad for gas, but there are way worse offenses against humanity than that. Live and let live.

But seriously, what kind of a person other than a total jackwagon drives a truck like this? The guy works in Florida, hauls a bag with a mitt in it at most and probably drives there by himself. Go get something more modest, Grant. Like an EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle.

  1. nolanwiffle - Feb 20, 2014 at 10:29 AM

    I suspect Hondo Harrelson will come bursting out the back doors any second, barking orders for sniper, TJ McCabe, to “take the roof”!

  2. winkeroni - Feb 20, 2014 at 10:33 AM

    I can’t imagine it being his daily driver, parking has got to suck. Perhaps Balfour hauls a lot… well tons of junk and needs a truck with lots and lots of power. Maybe he hauls farm equipment or something.

    On the plus side, it’s not a full size pick up with a huge lift kit and a pair of bull testis hanging from the towing hitch.

  3. tampagreek - Feb 20, 2014 at 12:48 PM

    I saw that truck at the Lowe’s in Clearwater last week and was like damn that’s a tad bit overkill.. looked like a swat vehicle almost parked at a home improvement store.. smh

  4. campcouch - Feb 22, 2014 at 4:45 AM

    it must be diesel…you know you’d drive it lol. No one is going to road rage on you in that.

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