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Great Moments in Derek Jeter

Mar 1, 2014, 9:20 AM EST

Not the droids you're looking for

TAMPA — I’m at Steinbrenner Field for the Masahiro Tanaka debut today. As I was waiting for his arrival to the Yankees’ clubhouse this morning, another player of note walked in. No one walked over to his locker so I figured I would.

Me: Derek, do you have a second?

Jeter: Sure.

Me: What’s it like having a day here where you aren’t the guy everyone is here to see?

Jeter: I’m never that guy. He is [Jeter points to Brian Roberts, two lockers down. Roberts guffaws]

Jeter: What’s going on today?

Me: Well, Tanaka is pitching.

Jeter: Is he? Didn’t even know that. [Jeter is grinning now]

Me: Yep.

Jeter: Well, come back later and I’ll let you know what that’s like.

All that was missing was him waving his hand, telling me that these are not the droids I’m looking for and telling me to move along.

He’s so damn smooth.

  1. Jason @ IIATMS - Mar 1, 2014 at 9:31 AM

    Brad Ausmus is gonna be so pissed.

  2. danwilliamsmlb - Mar 1, 2014 at 9:34 AM

    “Great Moments in Derek Jeter”? You might want to edit that, Craig; it sounds like a porn title.

    • paperlions - Mar 1, 2014 at 9:47 AM

      That’s probably Jeter’s doing…when he does the Jedi Mind Trick, the object of it doesn’t remember the hand waving part or the suggestion…they just comply.

      • Old Gator - Mar 1, 2014 at 9:52 AM

        Problem is, the Jedi mind trick only works with cloned Imperial Stormtroopers, spawrts jirnilists and boggers.

      • jwbiii - Mar 1, 2014 at 12:07 PM

        It seems to work on attractive young starlets, too.

    • alexo0 - Mar 1, 2014 at 12:02 PM

      Wonder if Craig left the interview carrying a gift basket he never remembered getting.

  3. nymets4ever - Mar 1, 2014 at 10:18 AM

    There’s absolutely nothing even noteworthy, let alone “great”, about any aspect of this interview. Whatsoever. At all.

    • southofheaven81 - Mar 1, 2014 at 10:23 AM

    • mybrunoblog - Mar 1, 2014 at 10:30 AM

      Calcaterra was just pointing out how smooth Jeter is with the media. I got the point. It was a bit insignificant but a good post for a Saturday morning. Lighten up Francis.

    • Old Gator - Mar 1, 2014 at 11:34 AM

      You are so irremediably dense and sententious that you can’t discern the element of parody in Craig’s caption. That’s your shortcoming, not his – and it complements beautifully your perpetually jaundiced take on life in general. Is there some kind of special fillip you get out of being the most unpleasant schmuck in the room?

    • jkcalhoun - Mar 1, 2014 at 11:37 AM

      You must get this all the time, but I’ll ask anyway: how can you be so disparaging of the absence of greatness and still be a Mets fan?

      • themanytoolsofignorance - Mar 1, 2014 at 5:15 PM

        excellent

  4. southofheaven81 - Mar 1, 2014 at 10:20 AM

  5. mybrunoblog - Mar 1, 2014 at 10:28 AM

    He’s Derek Jeter and we’re not. End of story.

    • bigharold - Mar 1, 2014 at 11:31 AM

      Exactly! Kids love him, men want to be like him and women want to be with him.

      Bask in his greatness and be in awe.

  6. ramrene - Mar 1, 2014 at 10:36 AM

    Hey Craig,

    You’ve got a little something there by the edge of your mouth.

    • ezthinking - Mar 2, 2014 at 3:42 AM

      ramrene goes on to say:

      “Can I lick it off?”

  7. El Bravo - Mar 1, 2014 at 10:39 AM

    Move along.

  8. spudchukar - Mar 1, 2014 at 11:06 AM

    Craig, why would you ask Jeter a question you inherently know the answer to.

    • Old Gator - Mar 1, 2014 at 11:35 AM

      We are all plagued by existential angst, spud. Sometimes it just comes down to a little encouragement by affirmation.

  9. raysfan1 - Mar 1, 2014 at 12:38 PM

    Sorry, as great as Derek Jeter is, he cannot be Obi Wan Kenobi because Derek Jeter is part of the Empire.

    • Old Gator - Mar 1, 2014 at 12:41 PM

      He’s just going deep, deep, deep underground.

  10. mudhead123 - Mar 1, 2014 at 5:05 PM

    Sucks Jeter had to talk to such a nerd

  11. mudhead123 - Mar 1, 2014 at 5:07 PM

    Sucks when old gator posts on stuff. He is JUST like Craig with overusing stuff (feesh). Never was funny or creative. Please stop

    • Old Gator - Mar 1, 2014 at 9:59 PM

      Isn’t Peorgie waiting for you out in the flivver with a snort of splo sitting on the rumble seat?

  12. chadjones27 - Mar 1, 2014 at 8:17 PM

    Did you get a gift basket?

  13. yousuxxors - Mar 2, 2014 at 12:54 AM

    Jeter had sex with you didn’t he right there while you were talking to him.

    • Old Gator - Mar 2, 2014 at 3:02 PM

      What are you doing here, anyway? This site doesn’t allow anyone under 12 years of age.

  14. msambrato - Mar 4, 2014 at 12:23 PM

    You know Jetes is a Jedi Master if he can get a notorious Yankee hater like Calcaterra to write fluff pieces about him out of the blue – without even trying.

  15. Francisco (FC) - Mar 4, 2014 at 12:57 PM

    Yeah, here’s what really went down:

    Craig waltzed into the Yankee locker room at the spring training complex known as Steinbrenner Field. Sporting the braves bathrobe he didn’t look entirely out of place, except for the bubble pipe in his hand.

    He sought out his target, put the bubble pipe in his pocket, took out a small notebook, nodded a couple of times and proceeded to Derek Jeter’s locker.

    “Derek, do you have a minute?”. Craig resovled to be totally smooth and not overawed by the Yankee Legend. For his part Jeter looked up and beamed at Craig.

    “Craig buddy! How are you doing!”

    A little off balance (when did he become buddies with Derek Jeter?), Craig did his best to respond in a nonchalant manner.

    “Doing Ok, taking in a few spring training games. Baseball won’t run by itself you know. I have to be there, behind the scenes, fixing things, the usual.”

    “Sounds fantastic, what can I do for you?”

    “Well Derek, just wondering how your silent takeover of the Yankees is coming along. It took me about a year, but I managed to dig through the records, dummy corporations, fronts, etc. All those gift baskets actually being an information network. That’s pretty clever if I may say so.”

    Derek smiled wide and wagged his finger at Craig.

    “We do this every year Craig, and it’s always the same. You never do wonder how I so successfully manage the media. That’s always your mistake.

    Craig’s face turned into confusion.

    “Every year?”

    Derek snapped his fingers and put on his sunglasses. Every other player in the locker room – no matter what they were doing – did the same in one smooth motion.

    “The answer is in this light Craig.”

    Jeter was holding up a tube with a little light at the top. Craig squinted at it.

    “Light? What?”

    Big flash. And Derek continued speaking:

    “Well Craig, aside from usually forgetting this ever happened and sending me all the files you collected I’m positive we’ll have to do it again next year somewhere, just remember we had a short innocuous conversation. Something about Tanaka and Brian Roberts ok?”

    “Ok.”

    Jeter stood up ready for batting practice. He slapped Craig on the shoulder and walked out.

    “Take care of yourself Craig”.

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